December 2007 Archives

And, in this case, I appear to be wearing a lead-lined outfit.

I have to get away. If I don't, I'm going to find myself doing something very terminal. That may sound like a dramatic overstatement, but I can assure you, it's not. I've tried so hard to keep everything under control, to not let myself fall apart, but it's all more than I can cope with alone now. I don't mean to denigrate any of the friendships I have through this portal, but I need someone to hold me while I let go of this all, so I can start to find a way to put things back togeher afterwards.

So, if I don't post over the next wee while, I aien't dead. I'm away to do everything I can to make sure of it.

Happy New Year.

So, I was doing my usual catch up reading; comments, other folks blogs (yours), the feminist stuff. I happened upon this post on Shakesville that almost had me wiping half-melted and chewed chocolate off the monitor.

It's a perfect illustration of what's the common problem with rapists: it's never their fault. Even in circumstances where it couldn't possibly be anyone else's.

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In other news: I went to work in the dark, I came home in the dark. It's very cold out, especially when you've just missed a bus that's on an hourly timetable. I came home to find that 2 of the 3 things I bought on Amazon Marketplace last week had arrived. Bemusingly enough, neither are the item I paid £12 for faster postage for. Anyway, after struggling to open a box entirely wrapped in sellotape, and a little superficial fiddling, Evadnie is good as new again. I'm in the process of transferring everything over. It's going to take a while, even longer than last time because of my habit of buying CDs... (Today; Spank Rock - a compliation of stuff that sounds cool, Cut - The Slits. Being a feminist who loves music, it's quite obvious that I'm going to actively seek out feminist music, no?)

Because the gorgeous shoes on eBay weren't for Mum, she has refused to help me out. If it had been her Christmas present, there would have been no issue. How different things would have been, if Zavvi's Payroll department weren't so shite at their jobs.

Oh, and thanks Mum. It means a lot.

An interesting piece of science news, especially after John Redwood claimed that 'date rape' doesn't really exist (if you're sexually assualted by someone known to you, it's just a "lovers' disagreement", you see). Despite date rape not being real, a young (female) scientist has devised a method to find out when a drink was spiked. I'm not sure if it is useful for drugs other than GHB, but nonetheless, it's a positive step. That said, it's unfortunately useless when it comes to the most popular date rape drug*.


*You know that I mean alcohol there, right?


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Pilf did a lovely bullet-point list of her Chrsitmas gifts, and I appear to be incapable to independant thought today. Unless it's relating to a feminist deconstruction of internet culture and technological zeitgeist. Ooh, totally unrelated (well, not totally, but not really) I discovered another blog that I'll be exploring more quite soon; The Hathor Legacy.
Anyway. Gifts. In no real order.

• A WaterPik. If I'm right in my guess, these things are quite common in the US, but fairly unheard of over here. Anyway. I've wanted one for quite a while, as using dental floss ends up with me struggling to get it back out from between my teeth, which is surprisingly painful. And the blood, oh, the blood... So far, I've yet to perfect the technique and tend to take a bit longer than I should and get the bathroom window at least once with the squirty jet. Because it's so ridiculously cold out, the tap water is freezing, and it is unfortunately making my gums bleed. Quite badly in a couple of places. So. Yeah. It's going well.
• Urban Decay eyeshadow palette. It's got a purple suedette cover, with a silver chainmaily panel. Oh, and the eyeshadows are gorgeous. Fishnet, Honey, Ransom, Graffiti, Zero, Peace, Shag, Scratch and Underground. Or, pink, gold, purple, green, black, blue, copper, bronze (like new pennies) and a mid brown. It cme with a minitube of primer, but I'm finding I prefer Benefit's F.Y.Eye.
• Some Kinda Gorgeous, Benefit's foundation faker. I have to blend quite carefully, and in good light, or I look a bit streaky. It's supposed to be translucent, you see. It works, though, and the packaging is perfect (like a retro record player, the label on the compact is a picture of a record. Anyway. Powder tends to make my nose look a bit odd (I'm having all kinds of bother with it. The skin more than the nose. But anyway...) so this stuff works better. I recently bought a new tin of Dr. Feelgood because I'm entirely enamoured of the velvety feel of my skin after I've applied it. And that stuff really is without colour, so I can apply as much as I like without looking like I've just been slapped by a big man covered in orange paint.
• 2 Hello Kitty tops. One is a black t-shirt, with a white outline print of HK on it, slightly off centre and on an angle. The other is a grey vest, printed with lots of HKs of varying sizes, with the ribbons in pink.
• A rather wonderful calendar of shoes, that a very lovely person who you know gave me. I couldn't wait 'til next year, so had a look through it already. Some of the shoes are fabulous, some of them are somewhat fugly! A couple of them had me salivating.
• £20 of M&S vouchers. Very kind of my uncle, though I'm not going to share with him my plans for what I want to use them for. I saw a lovely underwear set in a magazine that I may try to track down. It's purple, which is surprisingly hard to find in lingerie. If you're me, at least.
• A Yankee Candle scent burner, for use with the wax tarts that I'm so keen on. It's currently downstairs with Mum's Happy Christmas tart that I gave her in it.
• A massive tin of Cadbury's Roses. Alan freely admitted he had no idea what to give me, so it was that and the next one:
• A promise of a shopping trip and lunch, with him footing the bill. Well, up to a point. Those zebra shoes? Mine, baby.

I can't recall anything else just now. Though a couple things are still to arrive (these being the things from me, because there isn't really many people I could ask to get them for me); the new(ish) Walkman and a couple of t-shirts from Threadless.

And I guess you could say I also got St. Mark's cathedral too. A cardboard version, which I built while watching Dr. Who. The domes, I'm sure, contravene certain articles of the Geneva Conventions, specifically those relating to cruel and unusual punishments.

So, yeah. Christmas isn't such a big thing for me anymore. I've learnt not to expect very much in the way of gifts (as Mum will remind me at any given moment, I get plenty through the year) and generally the whole day itself never lives up to expectations. That's why I prefer Hogmanay so much more; it's about the potential of the upcoming year and what is yet to come. Not that there'll be much celebration about that, either. Still, it'll hopefully be an improvement on 2 years ago, when I lay in bed and wished I had the energy to kill myself. Ben, overflowing with sympathy as ever, had abandoned me and stropped off back to Cumbernauld. Then later took plenty opportunities to tell me how I had made his New Year so bad, and how awful things were for him. Thinking about it, I'll be starting the new year without him in my life, so there's an improvement already.

And This Will Be Our Year by OK Go has just shuffled on.

After spending all that time looking at Wired's site, there has been a positive outcome. I've just downloaded this song, which was used by Microsoft in the Zune 2 ad, which I wouldn't have seen, had I not been on Wired.



Not bad, eh? I can see it being a song to listen to on repeat for 6 hours.


What is it? Sleeping Lessons by The Shins. I wouldn't want you to go through the endless torment of googling it too.

Wired magazine's very much for boys, isn't it? In the online article about their 10 favourite photos of 2007, pretty much all the pictures were taken by men, of men. OK, strictly speaking, there's the rear end of a cow (taken by a photographer with the first name Alessandra, which is possibly female) and in one photo, a pair of hands that look female, holding a baby. To look at these photos, women did nothing in 2007. They barely even existed.

I'm having a look around the rest of the site, which seems to be primarily tech reviews of the past year. The top YouTube clips? I just felt uncomfortable watching 'Leave Britney Alone' and the second one just made me feel queasy. I dread to think how it would've been received if there had been a real live woman there, instead of the ottoman. Will Ferrell? Didn't he used to be funny? Oh yeah, it was in other people's films... The College Humour one (number 10) is kind of interesting. But not so interesting that I'll link it. But it does display how women have to put up with sexualised comments and abuse over the internet, and that it's somehow perfectly normal. And, to be big-boots-militant for a moment; of the 2 people playing bots, isn't it funny how the guy just leaves the room, but the woman's head explodes?

The bit that I'm anticipating all kinds of gender indignance: the 10 Best Gadget Ads. Let's see how many gender stereotypes there are here... Bah, technology isn't playing along with me just now. Though the Apple iPhone add is surprisingly male-heavy, considering the traditional notion that women spend more time on the phone. Nearly every woman in it is depicted in a domestic setting (apart from Cameron Diaz, who's location is unclear) Apple appear to be trying to attact the male market, because, obviously such a nifty phone would be wasted on women.

This article is singularly boring. Though how are plant oils not "as much fun" as whale oil and animal fats? Because there's no harpoons involved? Needless killing of animals? Wrecking of the careful balance of the ecosystem and all the organisms that live therein?

Lastly, how's this for a headline? "Breasts, Violas and Tulips: Alt Predictions for 2008" How very silly of me to have breasts before 2008. Forgive me, it appears I've been terribly gauche with it. Oh dear, I'm not Jessica Alba, turns out my breasts are just pointless.

So the whole thing? It's really just serving to reinfoce the heteronormative status quo. Men play with hi-tech toys, while women are only more than a pair of breasts when serving a male need. Such as, turning on the shower. I think the lesson here is this; I shouldn't look at these sites until I am at the very least, dressed for the day. Must wash my hair, too. My scalp is a little sore just now, and taking out rage while scratching it really hasn't improved the situation.

As you will likely be aware, Benazir Bhutto was assasinated earlier today. Why am I even blogging about it? Because she was a woman in a position of power, in a country where misogyny appears to be the accepted (and expected) norm. I can still faintly recall the news from 1988, when she was elected Prime Minister. The full extent of it went over my 9-year-old head, but I remember being quite amazed that a woman had been elected to power. OK, so we had Thatcher as our PM at the time, but even I knew that she wasn't particularly good for most of the country, and that most of her femaleness had been squashed either by or for the role. A woman in a position of power and influence, without appearing to be a fake-man, made a lasting impression. And maybe helped me to understand that other cultures and religions aren't the black and white that certain quarters of the Fourth Estate and the right wing would have us believe them to be. Shades of grey? Bollocks to that, the world is multicoloured. So, yeah. For a little light relief, you could do worse than read the comments on the BBC's Have Your Say section. One the first page alone, there's at least 3 comments where I feel like I've walked in at the end of a very complex conversation. And one person who refutes any link between the assassination and Western politics. It's all that Islamicism, you see. They're all terribly backward and intent on killing each other, when not blowing themselves up. Addles the brains, unlike good, wholesome Christinanityism. Which, if you follow the fundies, means that you can kill anyone, as long as they're outside the womb and not, themselves, Christinane. How very 11th century.

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As I arrived at work stupidly early today, I watched a DVD. Specifically, Serious Organized Criminal, by Mark Thomas. I've liked his stuff (political stand up) ever since I saw a show in which he said that anti-abortionists disproved their own point. That was about 8 or 9 years ago.


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Where's Meghan? Has she changed her url? I miss her, in a quiet way. Quiet, in that I'm not roaring and wailing (greeting, in Scots).

Or; How Feminism Has Become The Lense Through Which I Look At Everything.

On checking StatCounter, to puff up my ego a little, I noticed that someone in South America had got to a post by Googling something. Shakespears Sister, Long Live The Queens, to be specific. My very first thought was, 'how did someone get to me from Shakesville?', then, 'I don't remember commenting on anything there recently... oh, they mean the album Long Live The Queens, by the band Shakespears Sister.'

In all honesty? I'm a teeny-tiny smidge disappointed. I hoped that maybe I'd made such a witty and insicive comment that someone felt compelled to visit the wellspring. Even though, as I say, I haven't left any comments there for quite a while and really, none of them were even close to witty.

You know how you randomly link from one site to another, sometimes on Wikipedia, sometimes while shopping online, sometimes between blogs? Truely, it is an interweb.

I think I started off on The F-Word, but I've just read this. It's a sort of a memoir of experiencing sexual abuse as a child and young adult. I certainly recommend reading it (wouldn't be linking it otherwise) but just to warn you, it's not for the faint-hearted and it will make you angry and possibly cry.

Then there's this, which I wholly agree with.

And entirely unrelated, there's also this. Seriously, why do shops have to be open on Boxing Day? Why do people queue outside Next at 5am? What are theses people hiding from in their lives that they have to distract themselves with the pointless pursuit of stuff?

I've done this one before, but there's no rules against doing any meme more than once, is there, right?

1. What do you think of me, Random Music Player?
Suffer Some - Jane's Addiction

"She's got problems? C'mon name me one? She makes problems Like makin' new friends"
I am not making this up, I swear on all that's shoey and glittery. Oh, and it gets better.
"She's got problems And more problems to come 'cause it's worse than murder"

Maybe I should just stop here?

2. Will I have a happy life?
I Can't Get Behind That - William Shatner (with Henry Rollins)

I'm unsure of just how much of a 'no' that is. Either I'm going to be irritated and dissatisfied by everything or the song title itself is the response.

"I. Can't. Get. Behind. A FAT ASS!" Need I say more?

3. What do my friends really think of me?
American Idiot - Richard Cheese

A bit angry with culture at large and doing things differently? Hey, this version allows for martini glasses, I can go with it.

4. What does my Significant Other think of me?
Kokain - Rammstein

Not having an SO means that this leaves me entirely fuzzled. Other than that; I'm like a drug, but will ultimately make one's nose fall out or lead to cardiac arrest?

5. Do people secretly lust after me?
Doll - Foo Fighters

Such a non-commital response. Yes, but they don't want to?

"Doll me up in my bad luck"

6. How can I make myself happy?
1985 - Bowling For Soup

Shake my ass on the hood of Whitesnake's car? Er.

7. What should I do with my life?
Galapogos - Smashing Pumpkins

"and rescue me from me and all that I believe"

Believe me, SonicStage, I'm trying.

8. Why must life be so full of pain?
Once In A Lifetime - Talking Heads

Once again, a non sequitur from SonicStage. Best I can figure, that means let go and get on with it.

9. How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
Take A Look At Me Now - The Postal Service

Find the person who really knows me? According to the lyrics, that shouldn't be quite the mammoth task it sounds at first, as it's an ex, which takes it from roughly 3 million down to 12. Except that out of them, there's really only 4 I like to some degree, and only 1 that I would consider sleeping with again, or at all. And given how things are there, I think my hymen will grow back first.

10. Can you give me some advice?
Clumsy - Our Lady Peace

"Realize that sometimes youre just not okay You level off but it's not alright now You need to understand Theres nothing strange about this You need to know your friends"

Bah. I didn't previously know the lyrics, so was hoping it might tie into my elbow bashing of earlier today, stopping off at walking into doorframes and finally ending with the inexplicable bruises I have all over my legs. Instead, I need a hug.

11. What do you think happiness is?
Your Girlfriend - KATastroPHE

Can't find the lyrics, but it seems to be mostly about shagging other people's girlfriends. Maybe that is the ultimate happiness, but it would involve a radical rethinking of my lifestyle. And so would shagging other people's boyfriends.

12. Do you have any advice to give over the next few hours/days?
This Time I Know It's For Real - Donna Summer

Find true love and indulge in some skywriting?

13. Will I die happy?
I Miss You Love - Silverchair

That's a reasonably unequivocal 'no' then.

I really should stop doing this. SonicStage seems to delight in tormenting me in new and unexpected ways. I've got a new inside for Evadnie on it's way; transferring everything is going to take at least 24 straight hours...

Yeah, I'm blogging too much on Christmas Day, which tells us a few things. There's nothing on telly that I want to watch, all my friends are a minimum of about 50 miles away, I like my family ok, but I prefer my own company after a while. So, I've got Faith No More on (A Small Victory, if you're a completist) and a glass of wine slowly depleting in my hand. No, things aren't perfect, but they could be worse. I could be looking at these and thinking '... yes!'

The worst isn't over yet, though. For the next few days, I'm going to have to avoid all talk of Hogmanay plans, as I have neither any plans nor the prospect of them. As previously mentioned, all my friends are too far away as I'm scheduled to work on the 2nd and public transport is non-existant on the 1st. And the last thing I want is for anyone to invite me to whatever they're doing because they feel some kind of obligation or pity. New Year is important enough to me that I want to see it in with people who genuinely like and care about me. But not my parents, because I'd get even more pity from them. Maybe a bottle of Jack at the top of some isolated hill would be the best idea then...

Happy Christmas, folks!

So far, I've been given some lovely things (Hello Kitty t-shirts, make up, a Water Pik, a fabulous calender of shoes, a promise of lunch and a shopping trip with my brother, M&S vouchers) and have taken a pretty good go at chipping the bone in my elbow. I keep trying to put the bathroom light on, when it's daylight, so was pulling the cord again and shutting the door when I had a door-edge/bony-bit-of-elbow collision. Which started swelling immediately. Mum says I've broken the blood vessel and instructed me to keep it elevated and put pressure on it. Try doing that in the shower. Oh, and I had to keep the water off it, as the heat would have made it swell even more. Now, I've got an ad hoc pressure bandage on it, which has restricted the range of movement in my left arm. It's like trying to clean my teeth with the IV in all over again. I'm left-handed.

Needless to say, my ever-sympathetic family nearly burst something in their collective eye as I chased my mince pie around the plate with the wrong hand.

(Like Christmas, but without the sleigh bells and tinsel)

You use the first letter of your first name and answer the questions. You can't use your own name for an answer.

The first letter of my first name is "F"

1. Famous Singer: Fiona Apple
2. Four Letter Word: flew
3. Street: Forfar Road (it's in Dundee, and points roughly towards Forfar, amazingly)
4. Colour: fushia
5. Gifts/Presents: fine lead crystal
6. Vehicles: Ford anything
7. Things In A Souvenir Shop: fan (lik a Chinese paper one, or similar)
8. Boy Name: Fred
9. Girl Name: Felicity
10. Movie Title: Fantastic Four: The Rise of the Silver Surfer
11. Drink: fuzzy navel
12. Occupation: Forensic Pathologist
13. Celebrity: Farah Fawcett
14. Magazine: FHM (it's really the only thing that's coming to mind)
15. U.S. City: Fort Worth, Texas
16. Pro Sports: Football
17. Fruit: fig
18. Reason For Being Late For Work: Flayed alive.
19. Something You Throw Away: Fanta can.
20. Something You Shout: FUCK!

A day late. A dollar short? Have this instead of 50p.

(this is the first song I learnt the bass part for, beginning to end. I think I can still play it, too.)



And specially for the person who mentioned Rocket the other day (Jud?)...

I hate headlines that are so reduced, they make little or no sense. "Club death 'racist', police say" As the test of the article is somewhat sparing, did the young man die outside a club? Was he attacked with a club? Perhaps I should think about drinking less, as it does actually say the attack took place outside a club.... But anyway, I was a bit confused on reading the headline. Much the same as I was earlier when I was leafing through The Sun (someone else's copy; I'd rather give my money to a junkie) I couldn't tell you what the headline actually was, far less the story (which took up roughly the same amount of space), but I do remember it basically being a more-or-less random list of adjective-noun-verb-noun, that also appeared in the text of the article. The other thing I remember was from the multi-page story about the message that Gerry and Kate McCann recorded for to find their daughter Madeline (who the tabloids insist on calling 'Maddie', even though no-one who actually knows her does):

"They did the appeal because they felt that Christmas IS a time for families and the abductor may find it in their heart to let Madeleine go at this time."

Rather unusual emphasis on 'is', no?

I'm not going to say anything else about the McCanns, mostly because I haven't paid very much attention to the story for the last 4 or 5 months, other than; they might not be the doctors to go see, should you require an abortion, given their apparently strong faith.

"Give it [any information] to your local police or phone our confidential helpline [...] If you can’t do that please tell a priest or another religious minister."

And, suddenly, we're back in the neighbourhood of Malachi...


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On a more personal level, I haven't very much to say, of any use. Other than combinations of numbers and card payment instructions. The more time I spend working in retail over Christmas, the more the whole endeavour strikes me as hollow and pointless. It's all just stuff, which is freely available all 364 days of the year (365 every 4th). Much like with Valentine's Day, why make such a big song and dance about one specific day in the calendar? Or is it the modern version of making sacrifices so the sun will rise?

Anyway. I'd better get to sleep soon, as tomorrow is mostly going to be another series of numbers and polite requests to please put your card in properly. No, that way up. No, that way round...

As I've mentioned previously, I signed up for a legit music download service. Unfortunately, my unusual affliction, recordstoreitis, isn't just confined to record stores. (If you're unfamiliar with it, it means that as soon as I cross the threshold of any retail establishment selling CDs or any other format containing music, I forget the name of every single band I've ever liked and which records I already have in my collection. Despite having 2 tattoos (so far) directly linked to 2 of my favourite bands. It defies all common sense and logic, but there you go. There's no known cure.) So, what songs should I go download? Nothing too mainstream; emusic probably won't have it.

The other question is; should I actually pay money to subscribe to the dating service? I have 5 messages that I can't otherwise read. Is it worth £22? None of the guys I've seen thus far have had the same effect as Ben did, but maybe that's a good thing. Some of them seem nice, and can spell and punctuate, and seem to have complex and intricate personalities. All things I desire in a partner. Other things include; a sense of humour (make me snort something up my nose and I'll love you forever), nice eyes and acceptance of who and what I am, without any resentment of my independance or choices. Oh, and a bit of respect. Obviously.

But I rarely trust myself to make the right desicions, so it's over to you guys. If you've read this far, tell me what you think I should do. Then, I will consider your input and probably make up my own mind anyway. But don't let that put you off.

Here's an interesting thing... The past year in 24 words.

As you can see from the archive section, I don't have much difficulty coming up with hundreds of words, so I'll need to think about which 24 work best.

Two news items, from the same part of the world. Funnily enough, the area where my Mum's family hail from. In this story, the accused admitted raping his daughter's friend (and was caught by his daughter) and was sentenced to 4 1/2 years. The appeal is on behalf of the Crown, as the lord advocate feels the sentence is unduly lenient. [Edit: in further reading, this attacker showed little remorse as he apparently thinks he's very attractive to women.]

In this story, it doesn't actually say what plea the accused entered, but one can assume it was probably not guilty. This man works with vulnerable young people, who are often targeted for sexual abuse because they're perceived to be an easy target. The story gives no indication as to whether his victim had any sort of disability. [Edit: a previous report of the case indicates that yes, she does. Also; his sentencing took into account that he was deemed at low-risk of reoffending. But was aquitted 3 years previously of raping another girl.] Anyway. While his appeal against his conviction is going through the legal system, he is at liberty.

So, I phoned up the people who are handling part of my student debts. Made a payment. Went off and bought a few more Christmas gifts. Thanks to the messing about of Payroll, I sent a cheque for the last pair of shoes I won on eBay. For some reason, the seller didn't get it until Friday last week (I'd sent it, recorded delivery, on the Monday) so I got a nice letter from the bank, telling me that as there wasn't sufficient funds to cover the cheque on presentation, they were charging me £25 today. The seller contacted me to say that the cheque hadn't cleared, too. So I figured, ok, I'll PayPal it. Why isn't it going through? Why isn't it going through?? Phoned bank. Student debt people have taken the payment twice. Phoned student debt people. It's only showing up as going through once, the system usually shows if it's been taken twice, yadda, yadda, yadda. All I can say is, that money had better be back in my bank account tomorrow, or I really will hunt these people down and kill them without remorse. Debt people and payroll.

I nearly ruptured something laughing at this one....*

Correct me if I'm wrong, my biblical knowledge is sorely lacking, but didn't Jesus actually quite like women? In a whole 'hey, they're equal, they can have important roles in my Way' kind of thing?

I have Blue Jay Way in my head now. Anyway.


*Warning; photo of what may or may not be really a terminated foetus partway down the page. Oops, sorry, 21 weeks pre-born Malachi. Does that mean 21 weeks before the full-term date? Or 21 weeks since conception? And why doesn't the Christian right seem to care so much about babies who are 21 weeks old? As in, 21 weeks since birth?

I've been paid. But only what I should have been paid 2 weeks ago. The last 2 weeks have apparently been my gift to Zavvi.

What the fuck am I going to do? I'm very, very tempted to phone the manager and politely inform him that, unless I get every penny I'm due up to date, I won't be back. Yes, I need a job, but I need to be paid more than that.

*sigh*

How can I justify £70 on one pair of shoes? Really, how? Any and all excuses will be seriously entertained. So far, the best I've got is that they're really, really, really, really, really, really, really gorgeous. Verily, I am suffused with covetousness at the mere thought of these beautiful creations. Would I wear them? Oh hell, yes. But where?

And you'll have some idea of what's in my heart just now.

Why? Well, this. If you don't have Adobe, or you don't like it, try this one instead. If you're too impatient to click on the links; the Scottish Law Commission are recommending the legal redefinition of rape and a legal definition consent. This means that, in a while, the laws will change. I have no idea when, but political balls are slow to get rolling, but this one's on its way!

And I was gong to post a link to an article that recently appeared in the Herald, relating to this, but then read the comments section and was thouroughly disheartened. Once again, men posting to say 'I'm a man and I haven't raped anyone, how dare you imply that men do?' Seriously, I feel like beating my head off the monitor. The law is being changed to benefit male victims of sexual crimes too, and a legal definition of consent will help men as much as it will help women. What's wrong with these people???

I've not got much to say today, of any interest to anyone. 2 days to the solstice, though. That's always good. I need to dye my hair again soon; the roots are showing a little. My hair grows fast. I had to all cut off when I was 19, the way that I always think about when I go to the hairdressers, and it had grown back by the following year. Well, maybe the year after that. My 21st, my hair was definitely shoulder-length. The only thing I remember of my 21st birthday party is being given a loaf of bread and bashing myself in both eyes, one after the other, with the Valentine's deely-boppers Sheila gave me. They were red glittery hearts on really long springs. I should still have them, I think. The pub where I had my party has since moved, I think the old Westie might even have been knocked down now. Anyway, it's the next big day in about 7 weeks. I'm going to see the Pumpkins, remember? Numerologically speaking, next year will be a very good year for me, so who knows? Maybe I'll get a Billy for my birthday? Yeah, I know. The Pumpkins are playing the O2 in London on the night of my actual birthday, so it wouldn't be physically possible. So, yeah. Next year will be a 1 year. This year is a 9 year, the end of the cycle and so on. No wonder it's been mostly shit. But, in the immortal words of Granny Weatherwax, I aten't dead.

So, you know how I'm quite the ardent feminist? Certain people have come into my life recently, whose demeanour suggests they don't have the same, or similar viewpoint. I mentioned it, obliquely, in the post of 15 things I wish I could say but can't. This, coupled with my current emotionally precarious state, led to me kind of blowing up at the wrong person. I got quite upset, and found that once I'd started crying, it was really, really difficult to stop again, and let's just say I wasn't in the most appropriate environment to take the time to deal with it. Bless him though, the person who bore the brunt of my drama queen antics, did his best to try to find out why I was so upset and talk me down again. And even made a cup of coffee.

Anyway. I feel quite silly now.

I have my lip ring back in. I was trying to get my nose ring back in too, but cartilage is really, really painful to force something through slowly, so that can wait for now. There's still a little difficulty in getting the bar clousure back into the ring, and I think my lip may have swollen slightly (well, I have recently passed a safety pin through it, followed by the surgical steel ring, it's only to be expected) but it'll be back to normal in a day or so.

Next question is, should I get my tongue redone?

Mere words cannot convey just how ecstatically happy I am right now. Allow me to direct you to a post which I am currently diametrically opposed to, and will be for quite some time.

And why am I diametrically opposed to this post, you may wonder? The Smashing Pumpkins are playing at the SECC in Glasgow on the 12th of February. That's 4 days before my birthday, if you're interested. Which is why Mum bought a ticket for the show, as my birthday present. So, yeah. I'm finally going to see the Pumpkins again!

Who wants to come with me?

-----

So I put the dye on my fringe. It's now dark brown, with a hint of a purplish tinge. Bah. I will have purple hair, one day. See if I don't.

And a use for the tampon mountain in the garage.

Anyone know how to delete LJ profiles?

Edit: done! I figured it out for myself.

Also; this stuff? Should I keep it for my toast or give it to Mum as part of her Christmas, given how much of the last jar of Nutella she ate? (Let's just say, I saw a scrap of it on a knife and leave it at that, shall we?)

In the interests of full disclosure and affording total honesty to you, my current readers, I'm deleting that blog (post by post, which is getting tiresome) so please take a moment for the time and effort spent between the very beginning of 2006 and December 2003.

"Since I last posted, whenever that was; I have moved lock, stock and barrel into K's spare room and subsequently only spent about 4 nights there. Immediately after moving, I went to Dorset to visit R and her still-new husband J. Ben also came over from Kent for the weekend. It was very lovely seeing her again, she's barely changed in the 4 years since we last saw each other. Maybe a few extra grey hairs and a couple more crinkly bits around the eyes, but I've got them too!

The Thursday after I got back, I had to be in Cambridge to start my training so stayed with Mum and Dad the night before, and got up very early to fly down to Stanstead. We were there Friday as well, and I stayed with my parents again coz I had to be in Bristol the following Monday, and was flying from Glasgow again. The air con wasn't working in the shop and we had one wee window in our B&B so were very happy to get back to Scotland on the Thursday morning, even if it was warm according to folks who'd been here all along. My Lush bag got leaked on in the over head locker, leading to L and I looking extremely shifty outside the Easyjet terminal at Glasgow airport. I'm not a fan of Sweetie Pie... We did some interviews that day and the next, then had the weekend off. On the Sunday, I got the train to Nottingham, or at least, that was the plan. I got the train to Morpeth, eventually got a bus to Newcastle (lineside fire north of Newcastle caused all kinds of bother, then the GNER staff fucked off before everyone on my train had gotten away themselves), to be told that I had missed every available connection to Nottingham. Everyone I spoke to was of the opinion of 'go as far as you can, someone else will sort you out'. Arrived at Doncaster at 12 midnight. The train to Grantham would have taken another hour, and Ben pointed out that I was about an hour's taxi ride to Nottingham. Also, the chances of there being anyone at Grantham who could help would be virtually nonexistant by 1am. So I had the worst taxi ride in my life, paid for by GNER. I have never been so relieved to see a contraflow in my existance! The average speed of the journey would have been about 90mph, including the times where we got lost in the centre of Nottingham. We spent the week in Nottingham, where one of the girls gave me a copy of Billy Corgan's solo album. Bless! On the Friday, I travelled over to Birmingham to meet Ben as he was stopping there on his way up to Scotland. We arrived and moved into the flat at about 7.30pm on the Saturday.

We did more interviews on the Tuesday and Wednesday, and eventually picked 10 people to be our staff. T. P. described me (in a thread on the forum) as the "sexual Dizzle"!!! How I laughed!
We've just done 3 days in Sauchiehall St, I'm off to York for the day tomorrow, down to Sheffield on Sunday for 2 days then back to Glasgow with our 10 staff to train them. I will then lie in a darkened room for the weekend, emerging only for the shop handover on the Tuesday, setting up on the Wednesday and opening on the Thursday."

Oh, and something I pinched off someone else, but still find faintly amusing:

"Home Remedies That Work
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the misses about lifting the toilet seat by simply peeing in the sink.
4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
6. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache."

Post title from here.

Due to financial hardships, I now have all of tomorrow off, with nothing to do. I was going to be in Dundee, but that came unstuck, and Rape Crisis training is pretty much done 'til next year now.

What should I do with all this time that I now find myself with?

The meme is 15 things you want to say to some particular people but you can’t say who or why.

1. This is what I'm feeling just now, and here are the fathomable reasons why... Pass me that box of tissues, please?

2. I miss you terribly.

3. I hope the rest of your hair falls out and that your new love gives you something that makes you balls fall off.

4. I don't like you.

5. What are you planning for Hogmanay? Can I come too?

6. I miss you awfully, but why does nearly all the effort have to be on my part?

7. I wish you two would just get married already, so I could be a bridesmaid. And you could be all happy and everything, yes, but pretty dress!

8. Please stop talking over me, I'm just as capable of answering the question as you are. If I need assistance, I'll ask.

9. Stop treating the whole Rape Crisis thing like it's some kind of joke or silly thing to do. Even if it's just to wind me up, so you can say that feminists don't have a sense of humour. Rape is not funny.

10. I still think about you all the time. It feels like I've lost a bit of myself.

11. Please shut the damned door properly!

12. You know as well as I do, everything I said happened, happened. And a lot else too. And it was all your fault.

13. Because you weren't very good at what you did, you blamed me and I paid for it. I do hope you're happy now. Bitch.

14. I love you. I think you're quite fond of me too.

15. Please shush, I'm trying to concentrate, so therefore don't need a running commentary of whatever it is you're doing just now, thanks though.

Ok, here's a question. StatCounter tells me that, today (thus far) I've had 10 unique visitors. I counted the number of ISPs listed in visitor path (Pilf, someone in Hawaii reads you, by the way) and only got 6. So, who are the other 4 folks, and why aren't they tracked like everyone else?

If you're really going to reply to that with a genuine answer, please stick to small words and simple concepts. And good points of comparison involve shoes, glitter and books. My head refuses to process technical information of a computing nature.

This evening, I may post more memes. I'm still not in a talking-about-me place, suffice to say Happy Feet didn't give me the warm, fuzzy glow promised on the back of the box. It just made me feel sadder and sadder. And slightly disappointed that, to differentiate between male and female penguins, they were given aspects of human physiology. In other words, the female penguins were given a suggestion of breasts and cleavage, a wigglier waddle and were slightly shorter than the males. Who were, basically, penguins.

Are your parents married or divorced? Married
Are you a vegetarian? No, though I will be again soon.
Do you believe in Heaven? No, not in the biblical concept.
Have you ever come close to dying? Closer than I realised at the time, once.
What jewellery do you wear 24/7? My star necklaces. They almost never come off.
Favorite time of day? Bedtime.
Do you eat the stems of broccoli? Yup, why wouldn't I?
Do you wear makeup? Most days, a bit of mascara. Sometimes also eyeliner and slightly more occasionally, lip colour. Well, I've bought the damned stuff, better use it!
Ever have plastic surgery? Nope, no kind of surgery at all.
Do you color your hair? Yes. Will soon be dying my fringe (and forehead, neck, arms and face) purple.
What do you wear to bed? Pyjamas or nighties.
Have you ever done anything illegal? Not that I can think of.
Can you roll your tongue? Yes, I have that gene.
Do you tweeze your eyebrows? Yes, when I can find my tweezers. The plus side of having a fringe that gets in my eyes every 10 minutes.
What kind of sneakers? Converse. Hi-tops that I got off eBay and lo-tops I got a couple of years ago that are falling apart.
Do you believe in Abortions? That's on a par with 'do you believe in appendix removal?' I believe in people's rights to have abortions, if that's what they want. I don't place any faith or belief in the actual surgical procedure, that's just weird.
What is your Hair color? Mid-light brown, I think. Dark brown, thanks to the dye.
Future child's name? Future me will discuss that with future dad.
Do you snore? When I have a cold, apparently so.
If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? My own private living room, with my own private bedroom and my own private kitchen and my own private bathroom close by, all separated from the world by my own front door, to which no one else would have the key. Except from the landlord, and maybe someone who'd have the spare for if I ever locked myself out.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No.
If you won the lottery, what would you do first? Probably read a book for a while. I've noticed that I have severely delayed reactions to things that cause emotional upheaval.
Gold or silver? Silver.
Hamburger or hot dog? Veggie burger.
If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Ice cream.
City, beach or country? City.
What was the last thing you touched? Other than the keyboard, 4 satsumas and a coffee mug.
Where did you eat last? Infront of the PC, 4 satsumas.
When's the last time you cried? Last night, in bed.
Do you read blogs? Yup, personal and political.
Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? What would that involve? I wear trousers more often than skirts. Other than that, I guess I'd need to strap down my breasts, which sounds extremely uncomfortable.
Ever been involved with the police? Yup, I reported an attempted assault at the Big Day Out about 8 years ago, and called the police on Iain once.
What’s your favorite shampoo conditioner and soap? Daddyo shampoo from Lush as it makes my hair really shiny and smells gorgeous; American Cream conditioner as it makes my hair really soft and smells gorgeous.
Do you talk in your sleep? I've been told that I hold entire conversations with people, that make sense.
Ocean or pool? Pool, a touch less likely to drown.
Window seat or aisle? Window seat, I like to look out.
Ever met anyone famous? Yup. Most of the cast of Babylon 5, a few Star Trek actors, half of the Longpigs, Lorraine Kelly.
Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life? No. I'm sure that DF was only teasing, but nearly 29, single and living at home? Hardly the hallmarks of a success story.
Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Depends on my mood.
Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey? Jeremy Kyle, if I'm watching crap telly. Which I only very, very rarely do.
Basketball or Football? Complete indifference.
How long do your showers last? Half an hour on average.
Automatic or do you drive a stick? Neither, though I'd probably learn stick-shift.
Cake or ice cream? Ice cream. And lots of it.
Are you self-conscious? Sometimes. Especially when I need to take my meds.
Have you ever drank so much you threw up? A couple of times, yes.
Have you ever given money to a tramp? Yes. If I was in that situation, I'd hope that people would be randomly kind to me too.
Have you been in love? Yes, but only to feed into my self-destructive tendencies, I think.
Where do you wish you were? *Ahem...* Still in my own private living room....
Are you wearing socks? Yes. Hot pink with a zebra pattern.
Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Yes. No clear recollection of it though.
Can you tango? No, but I'm open to learning.
Last gift you received? Pilf's Christmas gift came in the post yesterday. Actually, the day before, but no-one was home. It's sitting under the tree. I have the patience of a saint.
Last sport you played? Verbal banter at work. I'm not sporty.
Things you spend a lot of money on? Shoes, CDs. Things with stars on.
Where do you live? In my parents' back bedroom.
Where were you born? Southern General, nearly in a snowy car park.
Last wedding attended? My cousin's, about 4 years ago.
Favorite fast food restaurant? None of them, really. Though KFC when I'm beyond redemption.
Most hated veggie(s)? Mushrooms, when they're cooked. I'm not too fond of courgettes either.
What's your least favourite food? Cooked mushrooms, raspberries, liver.
Can you sing? I'm not sure, no-one's told me. I like to, but that means bugger all.
Last person you instant messaged? Sally, I think.
Last place you went on holiday? I spent some time in Dundee a few months back, a long weekend I think. I really, really need a proper holiday.
Favorite regular drink? Coffee.
Current Crush? The people that need to know, know. Otherwise, I'm dealing with it the best I can, and hope to be moved on soon.

1. My rock star name (first pet and current car)
Goldie Fiesta. (I was 6, it was a fish; it's Mum's car)

2. My gangsta name (ice cream flavour plus cookie, or biscuit)
Oatmeal Cookie Cookie. Somehow, it's doesn't say 'gangsta', does it?

3. My fly girl name (first letter of first name, first three letters of last name)
F Unn. It almost works...

4. My detective name (favourite colour, favourite animal)
Purple Zebra. Also sounds like a jazz club.

5. My soap opera name (middle name, city of birth)
Margaret Glasgow.

6. My Star Wars name (first three letters of your last name, first two of your first name)
Dun-fi. Perfect for setting up home on Hoth.

7. My superhero name (second favourite colour, favourite drink, add “the”)
Pink the Mocha. It sounds like an instruction.

8. My Nascar name (first two names of my two grandfathers)
Andrew Robert. Or Robert Andrew. Or And Bert, to use the names that they did.

9. My stripper name (favourite perfume, favourite sweet)
Nu Peanut Butter Cups. Oh, how it trips off the tongue...

10. My witness protection name (mother’s and father’s middle names)
Elizabeth MacLeod.

11. My weather anchor name (fifth grade teacher’s name, a major city beginning with the same letter)
(as I don't recall the names so well, have my primary 4 teacher's surname instead) Young Yokohama.

12. My spy name (favourite season/flower)
Autumn Sunflower.

13. Cartoon name (favourite fruit plus garment you’re wearing, with an “ie” or “y” added)
Satsuma Socksie.

14 Hippie name (what you ate for breakfast plus favourite tree)
Coffee Willow.

15. Your rockstar tour name (favourite hobby plus weather element, with “the”)
Reading the Lightning.

Still not getting it? Allow me to try again, this time using interpretive dance...

Who says that depression is all doom and gloom?

1. Is your second toe longer than your first?
Nope. Apparently that means I'm lacking in drive and ambition. Which I hadn't already noticed.

2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?
Yes. It varies from time to time. I went through a phase of only using cartridge pens, then only using black biros. Now I use either, depending on what's near to hand and works.

3. Look at your planner for March 14, what are you doing?
Haven't a clue. I haven't even planned as far as January 14th.

4. What color are your toenails usually?
Au naturel. Though there's still a couple of scraps of blue polish from about 4 months ago on my big toes.

5. What was the last thing you highlighted?
Um? The lack of difference between forced sexual contact and rape?

6. What color are your bedroom curtains?
Lilac.

7. What color are the seats in your car?
Deep purple velvet. In my mind.

8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
No, alas. I like cats.

9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?
The cheque I posted for the shoes I won on eBay.

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?
Nope.

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?
To buy coffee. Is there any other reason?

12. Who is the last baby that you held?
The restraining order's been in effect so long I can't remember.

13. Do you know of any twins with rhyming names?
No. I don't know any twins at all.

14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste?
Based on conjecture, yes. I love cinnamon anything, and once tried cinnamint toothpaste from the Body Shop, before they went all corporate and money-grubbing.

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
Reconditioned E-Type Jaguar, in a blue-tinged metallic purple. In my mind.

16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators?
Squeeze me?

17. Last time you went to Six Flags?
In a previous life.

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
Yes. It's mostly Mum's choice, so don't blame me.

19. Closest thing to you that is yellow:
A really old, chewed up pencil.

20. Last person to give you a business card?
The hairdresser.

21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to?
The eBay seller in possession of the most beautiful and fabulous shoes EVARrrr. (or, the most beautiful etc, until I see and even more beautiful and fab pair)

22. Closest framed picture to you?
A photo of my Dad holding a model aeroplane. He has brown hair in it, which I've never, ever seen in my lifetime. I think it's from the early 50's.

23. Last time you had someone cook for you?
Mum, this evening. Though I didn't specifically ask her too.

24. Have you ever applied for welfare?
Yup, signed on about 6 months ago. Signed off about 6 weeks ago.

25. How many emails do you have?
4 addresses, about 70 spread out over them.

26. Last time you received flowers?
My birthday. Ben gave me a bunch of purple flowers from Tesco. Which would've been nicer, had he not gotten me the same thing the previous 3 years. Yes, I like purple, but I also like other flowers.

27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman?
Out of 6 billion people, that's not going to go far, is it? And what if that man and woman don't marry each other? Will there still be sanctity in their marriages?

28. What are you listening to right now?
Mum bashing the radiator downstairs with the Dyson.

29. Do you play air guitar?
Oh no, I'm adrift with 6 air strings; I cope far better with 4. So I'm the shit at air bass.

30. Do you take anything in your coffee?
Enough caffeine to fell a medium-sized herd of elephants.

31. Do you have any Willow Tree figurines?
No, and something tells me they'd be really finiky to dust.

32. What is your high school's rival mascot?
We don't really do mascots, or at least, we didn't in my day.

33. Last person you spoke to from high school?
My brother doesn't count, right? It would probably have been Linda, who turned out to be nothing like the person I remembered and liked.

34. Last time you used hand sanitizer?
A couple of weeks ago. I prefer the feeling after using soap and water.

36. What color are the blinds in your living room.
The curtains are yellow. Again, Mum's choice.

37. What is in your inbox at work?
I don't have an inbox, as such.

38. Last thing you read in the newspaper?
My stars. Apparently, my love life is going from strength to strength just now. It must be happening while I'm in another room.

39. What was the last pageant you attended?
Er? I tend to avoid overdoing the pagentry in day-to-day life. The outfits are so terribly cumbersome.

40. What is the last place you bought pizza from?
Domino's? At least 8 months ago.

41. Have you ever worn a crown?
Tiara's yes. Crowns don't really fit on my head.

42. What is the last thing you stapled?
A refund slip at work.

43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?
Nope. I don't think it ever existed in the UK.

44. Are you ticklish?
Only in a couple of places. No, I'm not telling you where, I still clearly remember almost being concussed the last time.

45. Last time you saw fireworks?
3rd November.

46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?
Never have, so there can't be a 'last' time.

47. Who is the last person that left you a message?
The recruitment agent who arranged a couple of interviews for me.

48. Last time you parked under a carport?
Managed to avoid this one too.

49. Do you have a black dog?
No. Not a dog person.

50. Do you have any pickles in your fridge?
No. And if we had pickles, they don't need to be kept in the fridge. They tend not to go off, you see.

51. How long have they been there?
Pickles could outlive humanity, they really wouldn't do much.

52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of?
My last ex, Neil.

53. Last time you saw a semi truck?
I haven't the first idea.

54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe?
Yes. I loved (and still do) I Hate Everything About You.

55. Do you have a little black dress?
I have a couple of black dresses. Not little ones though, I feel big and lumpy and ungainly in them, which kind of defeats the purpose.

I'm really not in a place to talk about anything to do with me right now, so here's a link or two instead. Via Jud, who commented on another post recently, I came across this site.

If I appear to have something of a swagger today, it would be because my Rabbit is actually broken now. It wasn't to begin with, but now I may have bruising somewhere I could only see with a speculum.

Two lessons from that: find a human male who I like enough to get nekkid with (dating optional) as breaking him would be both harder and more fun for everyone involved; dear gods, I'm wasted on Ann Summers' finest. Just think of the muscle control involved. (The moving part of the shaft is about half an inch to the side of where it should be.)

And isn't it ironical that I feel more comfortable to use the word 'nekkid' in the midst of this specific post?

So tired... I'm sleeping, but not enough, or not well enough. And then I get home and I'm too amped to get to sleep until later and later. Soon I'll be dozing off 5 minutes before the alarm.

If it starts raining heavily any time soon, head for higher ground. On the train back to East Kilbride this morning, I kept seeing pairs of animals. Ducks, deer and enough magpies that I'm expecting gold sometime soon.

Though, as Eddie Izzard pointed out, how a biblical-style flood would affect the ducks is still an as-yet unanswered question.

"I shall eat more leaves than I ought to, and another giraffe may die..."

Just read this, Liss says everything I would say, but by far and away better.

Your Hair Should Be Orange

Expressive, deep, and one of a kind. You pull off "weird" well - hardly anyone notices.

You Scored an A

You got 10/10 questions correct. It's pretty obvious that you don't make basic grammatical errors. If anything, you're annoyed when people make simple mistakes on their blogs. As far as people with bad grammar go, you know they're only human. And it's humanity and its current condition that truly disturb you sometimes.

'What's with all the memes and linkage?', I hear you cry, 'While we are very interested in reading vitally important articles from across the interwebulator, and the feminist take on that which is therein, what about you? It's you we love and want to know about. Tell us, oh lovely one, what has been happening with you?', you all fail to continue.

The short answer is, not a whole lot of anything.

But you know I won't be satisfied to stop there.

If I knew how to do jump cuts, I'd put in a fold about here... As it is, this is the get-out point. Don't come crying to me if you attempt to continue, doze off and wake up in a puddle of your own drool, perilously close to threatening to short out your PC, starting a fire in which you may lose all your material possessions that you haven't lent to friends/taken for repair or cleaning/put into storage in another building and certainly your eyebrows.

We're still out of stock on DS Lites and Wiis. If you think I've mentioned it more times than strictly necessary here, imagine having to say it to a minimum of 30 people a day. Unsurprisingly, we're getting busier too, and I'm still getting used to adapting to a full time job. In other words, I'm nearly asleep on my feet just now. Additionally, I have a santa hat to wear while working that is shedding white fluff everywhere, including into my eyes and down my throat. I pulled a bit out of my left eye last night; it'd been there long enough to have a serious layer of eye-goo on it. And by the 24th, I'm sure I'll have a hairball to cough up. The hat's from Poundland, so I'm not too surprised.

There are now 4 emails to read, should I decide to subscribe to the online dating service I have a profile on. I'm still unsure about that. 7 winks so far, and seriously, some of them clearly have not read my profile, not even the headline. It's gratifying to know that my picture alone can compel men to action. No, really.

I had another oddly vivid dream last night, this time I was about to be offered the job I interviewed for last week, when a fire alarm went off. A few hours later, I found out that I didn't get the job. I wasn't really that into it, to be honest. I was just looking at the salary and thinking shoes, not about whether I'd actually enjoy the job, day to day.

Two pairs of shoes got away on eBay; the Irregular Choice creepers that I was quite desperate for (but not £51 desperate) and the red peep-toe wedges. Which I would probably have worn once, anyway. Tomorrow, I'm going into Glasgow. The plans, such as they are, are to meet a friend and go to Missing and have a good rummage. Through Missing, nothing untoward with anyone.

Aren't you glad you asked?

Another article for you to read; hopefully it won't be quite as infuriating. It's still fascinating though.

Especially this quote.

"Younger women are being coerced into valuing themselves by what they look like and men's definition of how a woman should be valued. It's like being at the top of a hill and looking down and I can see all the little cultural landmarks, like the launch of Playboy, the internet, music videos celebrating a 'pimp and ho' culture, lads' magazines, burlesque. Women are being told that their bodies should be accessible at all times to men. I believe there is a conspiracy to turn women into readily accessible semen receptacles. Men are twisting this now to make women think it's a level playing field and it's equal and liberating. No, it suits men, it's convenient for men. That's what is so insidious".

I rather like the term 'cumdumpster', courtesy of Jack Off Jill, but that's only of the slightest relevance.

Just want to bring more attention (ok, so it's like, three of you, but that's still better than none) to the work of Archway. As part of the training programme, the manager and a nurse (the lead nurse? I'm not sure) came to talk to us about the work they do. It's a pilot project, with confirmed funding until the end of 2009, I think. I hope it's deemed successful, because then other centres will be set up elsewhere in Scotland. It's difficult to get over the effect that that session had; the nurse mentioning taking urine samples from hair (the perpetrator may do something like that, to further humiliate his victim), just in the passing, without putting any massive emphasis on it, really jarred me, and at least some of the others. We spoke about it afterwards, you see. It's difficult to imagine that anyone could do such a degrading thing to another human being. Which is silly really, because people (men) do such degrading things as rape, on an alarmingly regular basis. I think maybe the jarring part was the details that maybe we hadn't considered. The things that the medical staff at the Archway have looked at, closely, 139 times. That 139 people have lived through. Not to mention the unknown others who didn't go there.

And I don't mean to rain on anyone's parade, but the image that the BBC chose to illustrate this story isn't exactly hard hitting. Not in the way I understand the phrase, anyway. Though I do like the juxtaposition of the radiant bride and rape. It helps to subtly erode the 'otherness' of rape.

Also in the news; this, this, this, this and, just before you despair for humanity, this. As a woman, I'm so ecstatic to be living in such a time as this, where anywhere in the world, I could enjoy the freedom to be whatever and whoever I want to be, make my desicions for myself and never have to worry about what other people think is appropriate for me, or how I should or do behave, based on my genetic structure. Yup, all because I'm a brown-eyed southpaw.

Not wholly unrelated; a woman came into the shop this evening, looking for this game. Playboy: The Mansion. I could've been standing infront of a whole shelf of the damned thing, complete with neon display, and denied that we had it in stock.

"How would you build the most decadent empire in the world?

Create your fantasy Playboy Mansion
From the grounds to the offices to the grotto, customise your place with more than 300 insane items.

Be a Playboy insider!
Get a pass to the VIP lifestyle and roam freely in a no-taboo world of lavishness.

Run the Playboy magazine
Manage your staff and Playmates photo-shoots to create a successful icon of chic decadence!

Play it the Playboy way
Throw rocking parties and manage your guests' social "interactions" to get fame and the best mag content."

Let's take a moment to consider this, shall we? "The most decadent empire in the world"? Surely that was the Romans? Vomitoriums and orgies, stuffed nightingales and so on? Throwing people to lions and forcing them to fight to the death, purely for entertainment purposes? Playboy are pretty decadent, with all that goes with it, but they're not quite at that stage, yet. "A no-taboo world of lavishness"? Where female public hair (and indeed all female body hair below the eyelashes) is removed? Where equality isn't really the order of the day? The best bit is the suggestion that Playboy shoots involve "chic decadence". Try the sexual objectification of the female body, also known as pornography. And then, to round it all out, "manage your guests' social 'interactions'". Is that a euphamism for sex? If it is, I'd guess that it works along the lines of taking a male guest, asking him which Playboy Bunny he likes the most and having them 'hook up'. Regardless of her feelings on the matter. But it could be one of the hundreds of "celebrities" (I'm also quoting the quotation marks) featured in the game, so that's ok then, right?

The most repugnant part of the request? It was for the woman's daughter.

For a moment this evening, I though I was trapped in a time loop. I happened to glance up and out of the bus window at the exact same spot as the last time I was on the bus home, at the same roundabout, and saw the same lorry in the same place in the queue at the temporary traffic lights. It was quite unsettling, and I'm not sure I'm totally convinced that I'm not, yet.

Today has been a rather nothing kind of day. I slept until 1pm. At some point, I had a dream about someone who told me he loved me. It was all very hyperreal too, so somewhat disappointing to find I was alone when I woke up. I also remember rubbing his back and feeling something almost gritty. Not as sharp as sand or small stones, but something rough.

My parents have irritated me in a niggling way; nothing outright annoying but I really can't be doing with them all the time. This, in it's way, leads me onto a rather wonderful chandelier I saw, in the Argos catalogue of all places. From that, you can probably imagine my tastes when it comes to interiors. And I haven't forgotten the moon lamp that I want for my bedroom. Also, when I switched on the radio this afternoon, Radio 4 was rebroadcasting a program about Klimt's The Kiss I recall hearing a few months back. At the gallery in Vienna, where it is exhibited, there is a gift shop full of stuff decorated with images of The Kiss. As the woman on the program said, one could decorate one's entire house with the Kiss. I'm having to remind myself, even now, that that wasn't meant as a challenge.

I watched the rest of Fizzy Logic this afternoon. As I have a top hat, I'll be right next to Slash and Abraham Lincoln in heaven. All the rest of you have to do is let Monopoly into your lives...

So. Anyway. Like I say, I woke up to find that not only was I alone, the person who loved me in my dream doesn't (it was my subconscious playing make-believe. Again) and it kind of coasted downhill from there. Thank gods I have a busy day tomorrow, I won't be able to dwell on things. Oh, and the dating site thing? I've had about half a dozen winks so far, all from men who... well, if that's the best photos they have, aren't particularly photogenic. And all of them like football. I've never had much reason to mention it here, but I really, really dislike football. As a sport, I find it pointless. As a topic of conversation, I find it boring. As a news item, I find it distressing that it takes up so much time and paper, when there's other far more important things barely being reported on. And I really, really find football supporters unattractive. It is, as they say, a deal-breaker.

Despite all appearances to the contrary, I'm not feeling down. Just fed up and bored. I seem to be spending all my time waiting for things. And I need to find someone to go to the cinema with. The GFT is showing It's A Wonderful Life in the pre-Christmas period, and I've somehow never seen it.

HOW MANY SONGS DO YOU HAVE?
5150. For now.

SORT BY SONG TITLE:
First: #1 Crush - Garbage
Last: Zulu Kites - Dawn Of The Replicants

SORT BY TIME:
Longest: The F Word Podcast - Episode II (63:52)
Shortest: Piper Doon! scene from So I Married An Axe Murderer (0:04)

SORT BY ALBUM:
First: Loving You - Minnie Riperton
Last: Love To Love You - No Doubt

TOP FIVE MOST PLAYED SONGS:
1. Hobo Humpin' Slobo Babe - Whale (3x)
2. A Night Like This - Smashing Pumpkins (3x)
3. We Used To Be Friends - Dandy Warhols (2x)
4. Cello Song - VAST (2x)
5. Dreamworld - Rilo Kiley (2x)

I don't use the computer for listening to music very often. Does is show?

FIRST SONG THAT COMES UP ON SHUFFLE:
Weekend Without Makeup - Long Blondes

Search for “sex.” How many songs come up?
56

Search for “death.” How many songs come up?
71

Search for “love.” How many songs come up?
245

And what you about your collection?
Any thoughts on what this one means? I can't remember where I got this meme from, it's been sitting in the slush pile for a couple of months.

The Cure Shares Your Taste in Music

See their whole playlist here (iTunes required)

You Were Mostly Nice This Year!

Sure, you had your naughty moments... but guess what? Santa was probably sleeping when you were living it up. As far as he's concerned, you've been on your best behavior. So cross your fingers, and you might score good presents.

You Don't Need a Man ... or Want One!

Generally, you're very happy being a single woman. And anyone who has a problem with that... well, that's there problem. Not that you wouldn't share your life with the almost perfect guy. You simply won't settle though. Your life is too good to share with some substandard man!

Your IQ Is 115

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Average Your General Knowledge is Genius

In something of an unexpected surprise, the Scottish Sun displayed evidence of common sense today. And, indeed, recently. There was a long article about the story of a woman who fought against her children being forced to see their father, as she believed that it would put them in danger of harm. The father had been abusive to her for most of the realtionship, in rather horrific ways. Understandably, she appealed against a court ruling giving him access. Fathers 4 Justice supported the father, which says more about F4J than I think they'd ever admit. The Sun supported the mother, who won her appeal. I can't find the article on the Sun's website, but I did find this. It's kind of put out of sight in the women's section (men aren't interested in that kind of thing, evidently) and after saying that "more than 50,000 women are raped every year in Britain" they then go on to describe the situation in England and Wales, not a mention of Scotland or Northern Ireland.
If you're unaware, the Scottish Goverment will soon be reporting (or whatever it is that they do) on the outcome of their attempts to reclassify rape, legally. As it stands, rape is the forcible penetration of a vagina by a penis. Anal rape, oral rape, the use of another object, they are legally considered sexual assault. The Government has also commited to maintaining funding for Scotland's Rape Crisis centres, and I think, have footed the bill for some of the costs for the national Rape Crisis helpline.

The Sun are still more than a bit racist though. And, while I was on their site, the most read story was about Jordan being "tied up" for photos for her calendar. Spoiler: she's in her undies, wearing a tie.

-----

I was intending to have another go on the Scotland's Population Crisis merry-go-round, as I feel that I just rambled incoherently yesterday, but as I'm still so tired that I'm having to retype every other word, I fear that it would just be another seething mass of letters with only the most tenuous (feminist) links to string them together.

In other news; Subtext arrived today. I've read a bit of it, but my head's so far gone I'll have to re-read it tomorrow; Zwan arrived yesterday, have yet to watch the DVD, still to work out where to put the stickers; purchased a NIN CD and have yet to listen to it.

Must sleep. May be back to meme later.

Not much happened today, once again, though I seem to have spent an awful lot of time doing it. I had my second interview, which I think went well (couldn't say if it went well enough, I'm not even going to try to predict that one) and also realised that should I get the job, Starbuck's and Borders are around the corner (through the Gallery of Modern Art, strictly speaking, though I think Glasgow City Council would take a dim view of me leaping through the windows, even if it was for coffee) and Fopp is around 2 corners. Boots, with it's alluring counters of Urban Decay and Benefit are very close by. You know, I could just say that the shop's 2 minutes from the city centre and all the shops there in, but why be direct when you can meander around and mentally visit all the pretty things? In a breath-taking show of restraint, I didn't buy a pair of shoes I was quite taken with in Primark. Once the money's sorted out and I go back, if they're still there, I'll buy them (they won't be; there was 2 pairs of 3's, 4 pairs of 7's and a pair of 8's left) I'd never really wear them, but when has that been a major factor? The shoes that Pilf helped me to win on eBay yesterday aren't exactly workaday (unless I seriously consider a drastic change in my principles and a bit of a career-shift)

And, despite having nothing to say, I've babbled on quite a lot.

What I did want to highlight was 2 things that caught my attention in the media...

The story of the canoeist who returned from the dead has been quite interesting. Partly because of the factual story, which I feel like I only know part of, as the disappearance wasn't nationally reported (that I can recall). There's something enduringly facinating about someone who just vanishes without a trace. Lord Lucan, anyone? Richey Edwards? However, our friends on Fleet Street have gone for a predictable angle; the wife. They're having a field day tearing her apart and painting her as this cold-hearted, conniving bitch who was only in it for the money. I have a distinct feeling that, to begin with, she really thought her husband was missing, presumed dead. I think it was originally his idea and after getting the shock of her life, she went along with it. What kind of woman would she have been painted as if she'd discovered her husband was really still alive, and reported him to the police for insurance fraud?
Maybe I'm wildly wrong and she was in on it for the get-go. I just feel uncomfortable that the tabloid press seem to be making assumptions about certain aspects of the story.

Also in the news: Women of Scotland - know your place! (It's on your backs, then back to work after the 5th baby, if you didn't know.) The thing about the BBC article that worries me most is that the authors seem to have forgotten that, for conception at least, babies need their fathers. The discussions on Radio Scotland this morning were somewhat unnerving, as a woman who could (in theory, at least) go off and get pregnant now (not now, I've got my period) if I wanted to. As the population shrink, the economy of the country will seriously suffer. So, to be patriotic (such an appropriate word, in so many ways) I should go and get myself knocked up. "A few months" after having the baby, I should get back to work, so I can pay money to the Treasury. After an undisclosed period of time (but certainly not more than 18 months, judging by what was and wasn't said) I have to go off and get knocked up again. As mentioned in the article, twice isn't going to do the job. I have to do my bit for the country, after all. The future success of the fatherland ('mother country' doesn't seem to sit so well in this circumstance) depends on it!

Two things the people who look at these studies and make these pronouncements should think about; I, like thousands of other Scottish women of child-bearing age, are autonomous human beings, just like everyone else within these borders. We are not, never have been nor ever will be baby machines for the state; also, the Government may want to think about the migrants that we are currently getting, both economic and asylum seeking. I'm sure that the majority of these people would relish a chance to fulfil their potential in this country, if they were given the chance (instead of being forced to survive on 70% of state benefits, as asylum seekers have to) if they were allowed to work, they would be obliged to pay taxes. Quod erat demonstrandum.

In their article, the Daily Record made a veiled connection between feminism and the population decline...

"Partnerships with equal distribution of housework were likely to have fewer children, supporting the argument that those who believe in gender equality are more likely to have to choose between having children and other commitments."

What 'other commitments'? Do they mean 'the woman's career'? Is this a silent call to the men of Scotland to give up their feminist ideals (where held) also in the name of our glorious country?

I internalise the rage, thereby giving me a blinding headache, complete with stabbing pain that is somehow both in my left eyeball and at the base of my skull, which, if left long enough, translates into a really stiff left shoulder and a touch of proto-motion sickness on the bus home.

Having had Mum massage my neck when I got in and watched an hour and a half of things that made me laugh out loud, I now just had the odd flash of pain swimming about my eyes.

Happy festive season, Payroll department. I do so wish I could replace your turkey's giblets with shit. Preferably my own, but hey. It's Christmas! Any shit will do!

And if it's not patently clear from the above, tomorrow will not be the payday I was expecting (and, indeed, counting on) as Payroll don't seem to know their arses from their elbows. Unduly harsh? Apparently, the did the same thing last year. Call me devil-may-care, call me gadding-about-crazy, but I thought the idea of taking a Christmas job was to, you know, pay for stuff. Like... ooh, say, Christmas presents? Pre-Christmas drinks? A nice frock for the Christmas night out? Shoes to go with said frock? Or, if you're not me and slightly less fortunate in circumstances, rent? Bills? Food? Two weeks is a very long time when you're not getting the money you were expecting.

Despite the above, today has not been all bad. Just mostly atrocious. New Look are moving, so I got a really pretty blue t-shirt for £1.50. Pilf phoned to cheer me up when I was getting all emotionally adrift on my luch break. Caroline bought me a bottle of Irn Bru. I spoke to Chris after work and that was nice. Mum said she'd give me a loan until payday (though has just changed the terms of the loan; she's not "paying for fripperies" and seems to intend to dole out money as and when I need it, and justifiably (to her, naturally) so. Never mind that I'm paying her back. Never mind that it's undermining the whole indepenance thing.

Anyway. I have a 2nd interview to go to tomorrow, so need to be up early for it. I'm going to go cry in the shower I think.

As the blog gets more ungainly, I've decided to tags the posts. The sub-sections are fairly wide; feminism, music, things from inside my head and/or what goes on around me, uploaded videos, shoes, Hello Kitty, posts about the blog and things that randomly catch my interest but would make the list as long as something very, very long to list them separately. Of course, me being me, I haven't called them that. Apart from 'feminism'.

-----

I've had a quietly eventful day, all things considered. I got a haircut, got some books from the charity shop, had a nap, watched How To Look Good Naked, tagged a good 70 posts (only 450 to go, woohoo) and got a touch carried away on eBay.

My hair isn't radically different, it was just a tidy up as I hadn't had a haircut since March. As always, I did toy with the idea of getting it all cut off, like I did when I was 19, but them I found some old photos on my camera from the day I went to Loch Lomond with Ben. Shorter hair? Not so good. And none of the photos were particularly flattering. Though I did find myself looking at Ben and wondering what happened. The photo of him I saw first was quite cute. It was also 2 years old by that time. And he had these glasses that were really quite horrible. Towards the end, he looked insufferably smug, which didn't help either. But I'm not going to dwell on that any further. There were some photos he'd taken of me which were alright though, when we were in Kent that last time.

The charity shop is now doing 4 paperbacks for £1, and there was a copy of I Love Rock 'n' Roll by Joan Jett on 7". So I'm now up 4 books and a single.

And I'm bidding on 4 pairs of shoes on eBay. All fabulous. The ones that end first are metallic green with glittery pink stars on them, from Irregular Choice. They are utterly gorgeous and I mean to make them mine. The others are a pair of black split-toe flats, also by Irregular Choice; a pair of red peep-toe wedges and a pair of black creeper-style flats from Irregular Choice. Identical to the ones I have but a size bigger. Once I have them, I'll stop wearing the ones that are somewhat torturous and sell them on.

I could have sworn there was something else I wanted to share, but I looked at the metallic, glittery shoes and forgot everything for a moment, including how to breathe. So it can wait, now that I have more pressing concerns.


The thing I forgot? Yeah, remembered. For shits and giggles, I've made a profile on a dating website. Because, yunno, it worked out so well the last time. Anyway, I've already had a wink. From a guy who's a bit more than 20 miles away. Even if he wasn't... no. Just..... no.

If you are an avid reader of my blog, or even just a casual one who reads occasionally and happens to read when I'm being vociferously strident, you'll know that I spend a lot of time reading feminist blogs and regularly link to articles I think everyone must read. I do this mostly because the writers of these fabulous articles managed to express things I think but can't get out in an ordered, sensible way. Every article I link to (ok, not every, just the opinion pieces), I wish I had written.

Here's another one.

But, just for fun, I'm going to try writing about something I watched on the telly last night. On paper. If it works, I'll post it. Even if it doesn't, it'll be good practise for the assessment I have to write for Rape Crisis.

As previously mentioned, I got up about midday. Am now paying the price of a luxuriously long lie. Bah. Maybe this'll put me to sleep, it certain will you.

What is the middle name of the first person you ever slept with?
I think we discussed things like that, but it's been more than 10 years and I can't clearly recall last month.

What kind of underwear are you wearing and what color?
Matching set in a violent green. With pink ribbon accents. Thong and slightly too-small bra.

What is the song you want played at your funeral?
I've often thought The Everlasting Gaze by the Pumpkins would be good. Maybe also Accidental Death by Rilo Kiley.

What would your last meal be before getting executed?
Tiramisu, oatmeal cookie crunch ice cream, those seeded pretzels that Sainsbury's are hiding from me with onion and garlic dip, rocky road from Chocolat (bijou shop/café in the village) and some peanut butter cups.

Beatles or Stones?
Beatles, every time.

If you had to pick one person on earth who should die, who would it be?
I'd have to have a really good, long think about that... Such power to weild... Or possibly someone who was about a moment away from dying anyway.

The person whose problems you would never want to hear again?
There's a woman who works in Mum's office, who Mum really doesn't like. I could do without hearing about her ever again.

What is the thing most important to you (as far as physical) about the preferred sex?
The eyes. If they can send me into raptures, I'll be a little bit in love with the owner before he even opens his mouth.

Do you secretly hate some of your friendsters but are too nice to reject them?
No. Have been in the past, but I've learnt to harden up.

If you could have any super power what would it be?
Time travel, within my own lifetime. Mostly to stop myself from cocking up, also to see how things work out. When I say within my lifetime, I mean to restrict myself from travelling any further than say 6 months or so. Or flying, because then the cape would look really good, as opposed to just slightly incongruous.

Favorite hangover cure?
Bacon roll and Irn Bru.

How many drinks does it take to get you drunk?
Not many, though it depends on what I'm drinking.

Favorite Outkast lyric?
I'm not much of an Outkast fan, but 'shake it, shake it, shake it like a Polaroid picture' comes to mind. In the style of Richard Cheese.

Hair color you most like someone you're dating to have?
Dark. Black or brown. I'm not keen on blond men for some reason.

If you had to be blind or deaf?
Blind, I think. I'd miss being able to read and see, well, anything and everything, but I'd miss music so much more.

Do you have any psychiatric problems?
Yes. Moving swiftly onward...

Siblings that should go to rehab?
So far as I'm aware, Alan has no maladjustments. Lucky sod.

Least favorite month?
Um. The one in which I crash into a bottomless pit of suicidal despair. It used to be March, the past few years it's been November, June, February...

First movie you can remember seeing as a kid?
The Jungle Book, for my 4th birthday.

Favorite person in the whole world?
There's a few who I'd take to my desert island just now, I don't have that Special Someone.

When's the last time you went on a date?
August, I think.

Do you like violent movies or dirty movies?
Not really. I much prefer to be entertained in the cinema. If I want violence, I just read the news and to get turned on... well, let's just say I have my own ways.

Fall or spring?
Either or.

Person you most wish you hadn't made out with?
Iain.

If you are straight, what person of the same sex would you do it with?
Angelina Jolie, though she wouldn't look at me twice.

Where do you want to live when you are old and brittle?
In a house with about 83 cats. And I shall have lavender coloured hair, in a long plait.

Who is the person you can count on most?
Sally or Lesley.

If you could date any celebrity past or present, time and age are not factors?
Seth Green or David Tennant.

What books have you pretended you've read?
And deny myself the pleasure of actually reading it? Pshaw.

What's a word you would use to describe your life?
Monotonous. Not necessarily a bad thing, but just a little wearing.

Favorite drinking game?
The one I invented for DS9.

What did you dream last night?
That I dyed my fringe purple, like I'm going to. And stained my forehead purple, like I'm probably going to. Also that I was arguing with someone who had claimed that prostitutes couldn't be raped. But not while I was dying my hair.

Favorite bands?
Ahem... the Smashing Pumpkins, Le Tigre, VAST, Blur, System Of A Down, Marilyn Manson, Richard Cheese and Lounge Against The Machine, the Chemical Brothers, Cocteau Twins, Gorillaz, A Perfect Circle, Zwan, Shakespears Sister, OK Go, Cake, Foo Fighters, Queens Of The Stone Age, Tenacious D, the Beatles, Fear Of Pop, Placebo, Weezer, The Cure, The Like, Auf der Maur, Hole, Nirvana, Tool, Deftones, L7, Red Hot Chili Peppers... those are the ones I can remember just now. Don't get me started on the solo artists I like, I'll be here all night.

To continue with the theme of electronic devices confirming what's in my heart, the radio's at it too now. After I got up about 12, I put the radio on, having forgotten that I'd tuned into Radio 2 as the Sunday Service on Radio 4 was a bit more than I could manage the other day. Jeremy Vine was on (it was like listening to the Daily Male, but that's a whole other post) and the first song he played after I'd tuned in was Summer Sun by Texas. I don't really like Texas, though this song isn't quite as irritating as most of their stuff. And the video they made with Alan Rickman was quite good. Anyways. In case you don't know it....



It feels quite liberating. Like taking off a pair of shoes that are a size too small. But I'm not giving up on the whole finding-The-One notion. As I've said before, if Billy can write a whole ablum of songs like this (not to mention a fair few with lyrics like Tarantula as a Pumpkin)

there's hope for me yet.

Today has been quite long. My alarm was set for 6.30am, as I started work at 8. I got home about 20 minutes ago. The really strange thing is I don't feel tired. Possibly because I spent the day hobbling about in uncomfortable shoes (they look good, but are maybe more suited to sitting-down pursuits) then listening to Rammstein and White Zombie really loud inbetween, and the play was really engaging. All things that don't really encourage one to doze off in the corner.

Additionally, I've had something of a breakthrough, just within myself. Little earthquakes and things like that. Feeling that I thought I was so sure of, well, they're echoes of the past. And immediately after the realisation coalesed in my mind, Evadnie gave me her seal of approval. Honestly, I leave her on shuffle all the time and with the screen kerflooey, I couldn't predict the next song if my life depended upon it.

Last night, I dreamt that I could fly, in a floating sort of way. And I had a red balloon. The balloon was important, but it wasn't the reason I could fly. I met someone who thought that the balloon carried me and I had to explain that no, I could fly, I just liked to have this balloon with me when I did. Whoever it was seemed to think it was a bit weird. I floated away and got higher and higher. From such a height, I could see that lots of people had red balloons, more than you would ever realise from ground level.

And to think, if I hadn't woken up to go to the bathroom straight after that, I probably wouldn't have remembered it.

1.How old do you wish you were?
Old enough to know better? I still feel about 24, so maybe that. I'm starting to freak out that I'm nearly 29 and have yet to grow up...

2. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
Working in Perth, having very recently bought a new hamster cage and put the new hamster into it.

3. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Swear.

4. Do you consider yourself kind?
Yes, possibly too much.

5. If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be?
"Had to"? I suppose if I was forced to, I would get the thing I've picked for my next one (it's a drawing of the thing used to convert a 45RPM single so you can play it on a turntable. It'd be easier to show you) on my foot or ankle, and a quote from a book I read recently on my arm. In French.

6. If you could be fluent in any other language what would it be?
Klingon. Or Japanese.

7. Do you know your neighbors?
Nope.

8. What do you consider a vacation?
Time off from work, doing whatever takes my fancy.

9. Do you follow your horoscope?
Yes, though the one I'm getting emailed is so wildly inaccurate it's possibly fallen through a rift in the space-time continuum and belongs to Action Feebs.

10. Would you move for the person you loved?
I guess so, but not so much that he wouldn't have to rub up against me to get past. Hur hur. Yes, I would though.

11. Are you touchy feely?
Sometimes.

12. Do you believe that opposites attract?
Sometimes.

13. Dream job?
Astronaut. Rock star. Writer of novels. Personal shopper. Equality campaigner.

14. Favorite channels?
Channel 4, when they aren't showing Big Brother. National Geographic. Paramount Comedy, but only when they have Fraiser days.

15. Favorite place to go on a weekend?
I still would like to go spend a weekend in York.

16. Showers or Bath?
Showers, for ease and speed. Baths for relaxing and romancing.

17. Do you paint your nails?
Sometimes. I rarely bother these days, though about 10-12 years ago I was obsessed, and had a good 60 different colours. It was just before everyone else started painting their nails things other than pink or red.

18. Do you trust people easily?
Yes, but on certain matter, pertaining to my heart, no.

19. What are your phobias?
Spiders, falling from a great height.

20. Do you want kids?
Yes, but I have serious doubts as to whether it will happen for me.

21. Do you keep a handwritten journal?
Used to, but I spend too much time maintaining the blog now. And I'm too lazy.

22. Where would you rather be right now?
In my own living room, heading to my own big double bed in a room filled with fairy lights.

23. What makes you feel warm and safe?
Hugs from the person I love. Certain songs.

24. Heavy or light sleep?
It varies, depending on how tired/stressed out/hormonal/depressed I am.

25. Are you paranoid?
No, they really are after me.

26. Are you impatient?
Not much, though I expend a lot of effort squashing it down and forcing myself to be patient when it does happen.

27. Who can you relate to?
Um. Most people. Also, Sylvia Plath, Fiona Apple.

28. How do you feel about interracial couples?
If two people love each other, the hell with details, like what their bodies look like.

29. Have you been burned by love?
Yes. Still running cold water over my heart even now.

30. What's your life motto?
I don't want to be like other people are. Or, I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl.

31. What's your main ringtone on your mobile?
Eddie Izzard saying "Your phone is ringing. Your phone is ringing. Your phone is ringing. Answer the bloody phone!"

32. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Lying in bed, listening to music. Can't remember what though.

33. Who was your last text message from?
Lesley. Asking how I was, sending hugs.

34. Who's bed did you sleep in last night?
Mine, from my childhood.

35. What color shirt are you wearing?
Black with grey stars printed on it and a black and grey stripey section to keep it from being indecent.

36. Most recent movie you watched?
A bit of Fantastic Four: The Rise of the Silver Surfer. The dialogue was shit.

37. Name five things you have on you at all times?
Wallet, keys, phone, Walkman, powder compact. They're in my bag, not my pockets.

38. What color are your bed sheets?
Pink, leopard print.

39. How much cash do you have on you right now?
A couple of pounds. I think.

40. What is your favorite part of a chicken?
The bit that goes 'bawk'.

41. What's your favorite town/city?
Glasgow.

42. I can't wait till...


43. Who got you to join MySpace?
No-one, not on MySpace.

44. What did you have for dinner last night?
Chinese takeaway.

45. How tall are you barefoot?
5' 8" I think. Maybe a bit more, maybe a bit less.

46. Have you ever smoked crack?
No.

47. Do you own a gun?
Hardly. I hate guns.

48. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee. Also, noon and night.

49. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
Er. No idea. It's a secret from me too. But it doesn't work very well.

50. Do you have A.D.D.?
No. Just easily distracted by shiny or sparkly things.

51. What time did you wake up today?
About 7.30am.

52. Current worry?
What to do about a certain thing that's been on my mind for a while. But it's not much of a worry right now.

53. Current hate?
Oppression, inequality and cooked mushrooms.

54. Favorite place to be?
In a daydream.

55. Where would you like to travel?
Into space, otherwise I'm none too fussy.

56. Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
Starting to freak that I'm nearly 40 and still haven't grown up?

57. Last thing you ate?
Oatcakes with soft cheese.

58. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Don't sing in the shower. I hear music in my head though.

59. Last person that made you laugh?
DF, when he found out the price of something. He's normally totally unflappable, so to see him react like that was quite amusing.

60. Worst injury you've ever had?
Only to my pride.

61. Does someone have a crush on you?
Nope. Though my necklace keeps turning, which is meant to mean that someone's thinking about me, so who knows?

62. What is your favorite candy?
Reece's Peanut Butter Cups.

*is totally without words*

There are so many things so very wrong with this story that I need to go lie down in a darkened room for an hour.

No, we're sold out of Wiis. The last DS went this morning. No, I don't know when they'll be back in. No, we can't take your number, or any deposits. I can give you the shop number, and I can say the same things over the phone again on Monday, Tuesday and 4 times on Thursday, if you like?

Apart from sore feet and wanting to curl up and sleep for 3 days, and the odd customer who doesn't seem to grasp that they aren't the only person out looking for hard to find games consoles, I still love my job. It's our Christmas night out next Saturday, so I'm going to have to figure out an outfit and where I'm going to sleep. I really shouldn't worry about what to wear quite so much; we're going to the Polo Lounge and Bennett's, so it's not like I'll get so much as a crappy chat-up line. But I've still got to look pretty for the gays, I suppose. Being a fag hag is harder than it looks sometimes.