January 2008 Archives

You might be wondering where all my linking and ranting about news reports has gone. I dropped it down the back of the sofa and just managed to fish it back out this evening.

First up; this from the BBC.
"However, the airline said the model's clothing reflected what was currently fashionable among young women and that the number of complaints was insignificant compared to the three newspapers' combined readership."

I take issue with this in many, many ways.
1 - how does a woman dressed as a schoolgirl have any justifiable link with cheap airline tickets?
2 - where's the corresponding ad with the hot man in it?
3 - "currently fashionable"? Either it's 1998 and I've been in an inverted coma or I've just fallen through a hole in the fabric of the universe into an alternative reality where it's all School Disco, all the time.
4 - the three papers it featured in were apparently the Herald (the Glasgow broadsheet), the Scottish Daily Mail and the Daily Mail. Leaping to cynical conclusions, something tells me that all the complaints originated in the 0141 dialling area...

Not really related, but I saw a thing about a series of ads for a Dutch optician the other day. Hiii-layr-ious. Need I say more?

And here's something that seems to have escaped general notice; a judge ruled that "no-one was harmed" in the case of a woman who ran four brothels in Wales. I suppose that the women who worked there chose to, over other jobs, and never had to do anything they weren't happy with and were treated with the utmost respect by the 'customers'? I'm afraid I appear to be having a problem with my lower jaw, it seems to be trying to fall off. All I can say is what the fuck???
I suppose by the same logic, the women in Ipswich weren't that badly harmed either, as they weren't trafficked into the country.

Finally, for now at least, this legal ruling is all over the news. As you may notice, I've linked to the Daily Male's report of the story. As expected, I won today's Comment Bingo so now have to go and medicate the stomach ulcer with a stiff drink, because some people will, as I may have mentioned before, perform the most incredible mental contortions to convince themselves that most women lie about rape!

"Does this also mean that the numerous men who have been cleared after women have made false claims of rape against them will be able to sue for compensation? I hope so.

- Gary C, Kingston UK"

Somewhere in Kingston, a man's ears are burning... Hopefully along with the rest of him.

It appears that I have really pissed someone off, or somehow received a bunch of bad karma. I'm too tired to think of a less inelegant term. I didn't get to sleep until about 5am today, then Dad dragged me out of bed about 9.30am or so. The post office distribution depot is a few miles away and for some reason, closes at 12midday. He also had other things to do, so wanted to leave about 10am. So, I got my new graphics card. The ebay seller taped the box so it was sealed, stuck on my address and posted it pretty much as is. As the postage cost him £2.22 and I paid £5.50 for it (just the postage) I feel slightly ripped off. I mean, it does even out; I got the card for £26 which seems pretty good, considering how impossible it is to even find PCI graphics cards with enough memory now. But, still...

On returning home, I found that the new chain I'd gotten had arrived. I went to put it on, but the finding that hooks into the spring loop had broken off, while I was putting it around my neck.

I could go into blow by blow detail of inserting the graphics card, not installing the drivers properly, the sloooow installation of Warcraft, discovering that I hadn't installed the drivers properly the very hard way, spending an hour or so going in and out of the innards of the PC trying to make the damned thing work, getting it to work then discovering that WoW really doesn't like system restore so having to uninstall that. I'm in the process of reinstalling, so I still don't know if it works with the new card.

Oh, and the interweb connection died last night. It's a wonder I have any hair left, and that my roots are still mousey brown.

I've just gone back and edited my post entitled Blindsided, as if I get one more Google hit that matches the now-edited-out title of the Facebook discussion that upset me so (sorry for the clumsy grammar, but I'll be damned before I quote it again, that would fix nothing), I'm going to have a real problem.

People may well have their rape fantasies, but I want no part of it. It may seem like a harmless bit of fun to some folks, but not to me. There was nothing harmless or fun about what Iain did.

I'm trying not to judge the people doing the Googling, as I don't know their motivations, but dammit, it's difficult.

1. Do you still talk to the person you last had a thing with?
Sort of, in a way. I email, he ignores it. So that's more of a 'no', really.

2. Have you ever seen your best friend cry?
Depending on who counts as my best friend; yes, no, no.

3. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid?
None, that I recall.

4. What is the last thing you ate?
Pringles. Now I feel a bit ill.

5. Did you get any compliments today?
Nope. Well, yes. The comments on the photo I posted last night.

6. Have you ever gone to court?
Yes, but not as a witness or a defendant.

7. What does the seventh text message in your inbox say?
"Thanks chickie! It's just stuff."

8. Are you friends with your neighbours?
No, but we do wave when we see each other.

9. Do you have any regrets?
Some, yes.

10. Do you remember your first kiss?
Yes. Didn't like it very much, looking back on it.

11. What towns have you lived in?
Glasgow, Barrhead, Stirling, Dundee, Cumbernauld and this one. Which is more of a villiage.

12. What's the last piercing you got?
My tongue, though I took it out about a year ago. I'm not counting my lip, as I reopened the existant hole with the aid of a safety pin, which isn't quite the same.

13. When was the last time you drove more than 15 minutes?
The last time I had a driving lesson, so about 11 years ago.

14. Have you ever thrown up from drinking?
Yes, though not for a while.

15. Do you get jealous easily?
No, not really.

16. Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?
No, I've never seen the appeal.

17. Toilet papered someone’s house?
Nope.

18. Have you ever had a crush on your brother or sister's friends?
Nope.

19. Have you ever gone to a beach?
Yes.

20. Do you remember your teacher's names from primary school?
Some of them.

21. How good is your eyesight?
If something's 2" away, I can see it great. After that, it gets fuzzy.

22. Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?
As long as I was in one of those cages, yes.

23. What would you say if I told you I was in love with your brother?
I would ask if he knew, and if you wanted me to pass on your number.

24. Have you ever been out of your country?
Yes.

25. Have you seen your best friend naked?
No.

26. What's the best wedding you've been to?
Either Karen or Mandy's. Not because I was bridesmaid (though that was nice). It's nice to see the people you love so happy they can't stop smiling.

27. Would your parents be mad if you got arrested for fighting?
Yes. And disappointed.

28. Where are your siblings right now?
Presumably at work, in Aberdeen. Though you never can be sure with Alan.

30. Do you have a Honda, Toyota or Nissan?
Nope.

31. What's the last dream you can remember?
Making sweet, sweet love with David Tennant, then discovering I was John Barrowman.

32. Who was the last person to call you?
Audrey.

33. What time did you wake up this morning?
Sometime after 8am, I don't recall exactly when.

34. What are you doing this weekend?
Ooh, I've actually got an answer! One of the other volunteers is trying to arrange meeting up for dinner on Saturday, and I'm hoping to go see Henry Rollins with Alan. Nothing firm yet, the fall back is levelling a new rogue on Azeroth. Hopefully.

35. What does the 5th text message on your phone say?
"He passed. Touch & go on a few but nvm. Results on his blog."

36. Do you drunk dial/txt?
I try not to, but I have been known to.

37. What's in your back pocket?
No back pockets in pyjama trousers.

Just before getting on the train, I got a message to say that the catch-up session had to be postponed. I could go through a litany of reasons why I'm having a shite day, but I really cannot be fucked with it.

Let's just say; I'm in pain, my toes are cold and I just really want a hug from someone who loves me.

If you're looking for me, I'll be the lump under the duvet.

Bearing in mind that today is the RA catch-up session, and hopefully my new graphics card will arrive. I've downloaded the first WoW patch, only 16 million more to go, then The Burning Crusade. By the time I get installed and ready to go, The Wrath of the Lich King will be available.
From the one that seemed to think I'd hear about funding for something on a Sunday (though to be fair, I did find out about Scottish Government-funded training funding for those warning below £18,000 per annum, which will probably prove very useful in my attempts to become a social care worker, though that was at the Job Centre, yesterday)

"Just how long has it been since you indulged in a huge helping of your favorite chocolate pleasure, Feebs? It's time to let the youngster in you come out and play today. You have been taking life much too seriously lately, and even real grown-ups are entitled to indulge in the pleasures of youth from time to time."

And from Jonathon Cainer, something I already knew. As I recall, Zeus had a splitting headache and, on trepanning to alleiviate the pain, Anthene sprang forth, full-grown. And most trepanning is performed over the third eye in the forehead, not the top of the head, so *thrrrrp* (there's the youngster in me coming out to play)

"I mentioned trepanners yesterday. Indeed, I apologised for any offence that I might have caused them. I suppose it is just possible that not everyone knows what a trepanner is. Well, since you ask, it is a person who drills little holes in the top of their head in an attempt to gain some kind of spiritual high. Hmmm, lovely! There are some things that are surely, just not worth doing no matter how great the alleged reward. Please remember, for you to gain happiness today, no such sacrifice is called for."

I feel I should point out that this photo is about 3½ years old. Points of note: my brother looks so good in a kilt, people go weak at the knees over him (I've seen it in action more than once); this would be a great photo of us, if I didn't look so distinctly unimpressed and sneering; I have good legs. I've never really noticed before. Also, those shoes don't look as high as I remember them being. I still have them, but haven't worn them since this day. Maybe the ground was soft...

And small feet for my height.

So. I went to my appointment at the Job Centre. I was an hour and 40 minutes early because of crossed wires on the phone the other day. As a direct result, I now have Hello Kitty lipgloss and a surfeit of tights, all different colours (peacock blue, purple, green, bright blueish green and grey, if you're curious). My period started while I was out, and now I'm in dull agony. OK, not so dull just now. It feels like I'm turning inside out. And to add insult to injury, my parents are at a funeral in Perth, so won't be back until later. I'll be making my own hot water bottle then. Assuming I can stand upright enough to safely pour hot water. I'd cry, except that I think that would probably hurt, and it's just a bit pathetic.

The graphics card will hopefully arrive tomorrow; I'm debating whether or not to start installing WoW this evening, so I'm more or less ready to go once the hardware's in place. It would be a slightly more productive use of my time than sitting here, pulling pained faces at the monitor while clutching my lower abdomen.

How likely is it that the GP would refer me for a hysterectomy? I know I jest about this on a monthly basis, but seriously. I apparently have roughly 6 years until my fertility (assuming I have any) drops; and no expectation of ever getting pregnant. Or, indeed, sexual relations, but that's another story and really not for now. The only way I'll ever use my uterus for it's biological function is through surrogacy, which I'm none to sure of. It's really just a glorified appendix for me, except I don't suffer appendicitis on a monthy basis. I've been in constant pain for about 5 hours now, I think I may throw up soon. Oh, and it's intensifying. I think I might go and cry now, do excuse me.

01. Can you cook?
Only when I make the effort. Which I never feel like doing.

02. What was your dream growing up?
To be an astronaut.

03. What talent do you wish you had?
To be able to sing.

04. If I bought you a drink what would it be?
I'll have a Jack and lemonade, thanks.

05. Favourite vegetable?
Parsnip. Just now, anyway. And for the past wee while, thinking about it.

06. What was the last book you read?
The last one I finished was Spirit Alive (about ritual sexual abuse), the last one I read was either Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West or It's So You.

07. What zodiac sign are you?
Aquarius

08. Any tattoos and/or piercings?
A few. 2 tattoos and 2 surgical steel rings. I also have piecred ears, but don't wear earrings much these days.

09. Worst habit?
Procrastination.

10. If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
Yes. If you're OK with a piggy back. Promise to bounce you a few times too, make it fun.

11. What is your favorite sport?
Word play

12. Negative or optimistic attitude?
Sometimes negative, sometimes positive. Like; I'm pretty sure the guy I like doesn't even so much as think about me, in fact I'm almost positive he dislikes me. See?

13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
Hope I don't have premenstrual gas.

14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
All relative, isn't it? By some standards, Iain; by others, Ben; by yet others, my hospital visit and the subsequent struggles with my mental health; by yet others again, my Mum's visit to the hospital. I think my standards are the last ones.

15. Tell me one weird fact about you.
When I was 17, I had a compulsion to eat burnt matches. Seriously, I became quite the conniseur. While it stopped after a while (and hundreds of matches), I do still sometimes feel a slight urge to try it again when I'm lighting candles. (Which turns out to be a manifestation of pica, called cautopyreiophagia. Look, something else you didn't know. Oh, and I used to eat my hair, also polystyrene for a while, when I was about 4. Huh. Still more things you didn't previously know.)

16. Do you have any pets?
Not just now, no.

17. What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
You don't mind me being in my pyjamas, right?

18. What was your first impression of me?
I don't know who I took this from, but I'm sure she's lovely.

19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
Not cute, but not scary.

20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
I'd like to be a little thinner. I know.

21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
Depends on who you are and what you're doing.

22. What color eyes do you have?
Brown.

23. Ever been arrested?
No.

24. Bottle or draft?
I'm not too fussy.

25. If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
Buy a new computer with a mahoosive hard drive, then take delivery of about 600 CDs between 2 and 28 days later.

26. Would you date me?
Probably not.

27. Where's your favourite place to hang out?
Socially, the 13th Note. The rest of the time, about 2ft from my computer.

28. Do you believe in ghosts?
Yep, but not in the sheet-over-the-head kind

29. Favourite thing to do in your spare time?
The interwebnets and reading, both while listening to music

30. Do you swear a lot?
Not as much as I could

31. Biggest pet peeve?
Women wearing the wrong size bra. Seriously, you might as well not bother wearing one at all, it'd do less damage.

32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
Average

33. Do you believe in/appreciate romance?
Not really, no. But it'd be nice if it existed.

34. If you could spend 12 hours with me and ask/do anything you like, what would it be?
Probably go crazy with the constant company after about 3 or 4 hours.

35. Do you believe in God?
Not in the Christian sense, no.

Which I fear some people forget (not looking at any anti-feminist women at all, no)

Randomly found from Figure: Demystifying The Feminine Mystique a meme that actually works for me.

Favorite things about feminism meme
It's a 5 point list and tag five people... Quite simple, really.

1. Not having to conform to a stereotype
   
2. Being able to vote
3. Keeping all the money I earn (from the job I'm equally considered for)
   
4. Not being considered my father or husband's possesion
5. The musical output of Kathleen Hanna
6. Being able to choose whatever life I want
   

OK, so that's 6, but the point about Kathleen Hanna is slightly more superficial. I could also continue to add "having no sense of humour", "being a lesbian" and "burning bras", but thanks to point 1, I don't have to. No, I don't hate men either.

You Are 100% Feminist

You are a total feminist. This doesn't mean you're a man hater (in fact, you may be a man). You just think that men and women should be treated equally. It's a simple idea but somehow complicated for the world to put into action.

Quelle surpris, it's from blogthings.com

Favorite food to crunch: Crisps, carrots, peanut cookies.
Favorite comfort food: Dairylea cheese triangles.
Favorite picnic lunch: Cold hard boiled eggs.
Favorite food scene in movie: Pretty much all of Like Water For Chocolate. I'm sure the expected answer is '9½ Weeks', but I've neither seen it nor have the desire to do so.
Favorite food lyrics: "And all I wanted was a little sunshine to butter my toast" El Sol - Zwan
Best food smell memory: The smell of the bakehouse my grandfather used to own.
Favorite summer snack: Ice cream.
Food that reminds me of the ocean: Grilled tuna steak.
Favorite winter snack: cheese
Most likely to eat for lunch: not much
Least likely to eat for lunch: A McDonalds Big Mac meal.
Makes me gag: liver
Food tradition I love: roast chestnuts at Christmas time
Food tradition I loathe: turkey; anything involving goose fat. I'm heaving now at the memory of Christmas...
Favorite wild foods: blueberries
Favorite medicinal food: ginger
Food that reflects my heritage: oatcakes
Food most like me: ok, I'm completely stuck at this one
Favorite raw food smell: citrus fruits

you can be perceived as cold and cynical. your fascination with altering your image may be a sign of insecurity, but it may also show a desire for change and experimentation, especially with wigs and hair dye. you have a "no bullshit" attitude towards life. your talents are often overlooked in favor of your bandmates or colleagues, but fear not. your day will come. which pumpkin are you?

Right, so I'm not sleepy, and am in the frame of mind to find a million memes and bore you all to tears and back again. It's not going so well; I think I've done them all already. But I did just find this guy's blog. I'm not sure if this link will work the way I'm hoping it will, but how cool is the wedding cake? (Scroll down his page a little.)

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Your Score: Outcast Genius

Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos

FYI: I scored "higher than 99%" on nerdiness, geekosity (their term, not mine) and dork points, compared to others my age and gender.

Bog standard meme; bold the ones you watch enough to understand, italics for the ones you've seen a bit of.

24 (until season 3; after that I stopped watching and now I'm amazed that Jack Bauer is still alive)
30 Rock
7th Heaven
Adam-12
Aeon Flux
ALF
Alfred Hitchcock Presents
Alias (not that you have to watch a huge amount to get it)
American Idol/Pop Idol/Canadian Idol/Australian Idol/etc.
America’s Next Top Model/Germany’s Next Top Model
Angel (another one I abandoned after a while; when Spike became a ghost, I gave up completely)
Arrested Development
Babylon 5 (I adore this show with a rare, and slightly worrisome, passion)
Babylon 5: Crusade (spin offs often make me cry)
Batman (60s)
Batman (Animated)
Battlestar Galactica (the old one)
Battlestar Galactica (the new one)
Baywatch
Beavis & Butthead
Beverly Hills 90210
Bewitched
Bionic Woman (old)
Bionic Woman (new)
Birds of Prey
Bonanza
Bones
Bosom Buddies
Boston Common
Boston Legal
Boston Public
Boy Meets World
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (though, yet again, towards the end I gave up. The thing with the gajillions of slayers? Clueless.)
Bug Juice
Chappelle’s Show
Charles in Charge
Charlie’s Angels
Charmed (not through choice; an old flatmate loved this)
Cheers
Chicago Hope
Cold Case
Columbo
Commander in Chief
Coupling
Cowboy Bebop
Criminal Minds
Crossing Jordan
CSI
CSI: Miami (sometimes I just love to watch for the Sunglasses of Justice)
CSI: NY
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Dancing with the Stars
Danny Phantom
Dark Angel
Dark Skies
Davinci’s Inquest
Dawson’s Creek (my first flatmate in Dundee had a mad crush on the foreheaded one)
Dead Like Me (it was scheduled against something else, but I can't remember what, even though I preferred it)
Deadliest Catch
Deadwood
Degrassi: The Next Generation
Designing Women
Desperate Housewives
Dharma & Greg (Ben loved this, for some reason)
Different Strokes
Doctor Who (old)
Doctor Who (new)
Dragnet
Due South
Early Edition
Earth 2
Ed
Emergency!
Entourage
ER
Even Stevens
Eureka
Everwood
Everybody Loves Raymond
Facts of Life
Family Guy
Family Ties
Farscape
Fawlty Towers
Felicity
Firefly
Frasier
Friday Night Lights
Friends
Futurama
Get Smart
Ghost Hunters
Gilligan’s Island
Gilmore Girls
Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.
Green Wing
Grey’s Anatomy
Growing Pains
Gunsmoke
Hannah Montana
Happy Days
Harsh Realm
Hercules: The Legendary Journeys
Heroes
Hogan’s Heroes
Home Improvement
Homicide: Life on the Street
House
I Dream of Jeannie
I Love Lucy
Invader Zim
Invasion
Hell’s Kitchen
JAG
Jackass
Jericho
Joan of Arcadia
Joey
John Doe
LA Law
Las Vegas
Laverne and Shirley
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Life on Mars
Little House on the Prairie
Lizzie McGuire
Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman
Lost (who really knows what's going on in this anyway? I got bored part way through season 2)
Lost in Space
Love, American Style
M*A*S*H
MacGyver
Malcolm in the Middle
Married With Children
Martial Law
Melrose Place
Miami Vice
Millennium
Mission: Impossible
Monk
Moonlight
Moonlighting
Mork & Mindy
Murphy Brown
My Life as a Dog
My So-Called Life
My Three Sons
My Two Dads
NCIS
Nip/Tuck
Northern Exposure
Numb3rs
One Tree Hill
Oz
Perry Mason
Picket Fences
Pokemon
Power Rangers
Prison Break
Profiler
Project Runway
Psych
Quantum Leap
Queer As Folk (US)
Queer as Folk (British)
ReGenesis
Remington Steele
Reno 911!
Rescue Me
Road Rules
ROAR
ROME
Roseanne
Roswell
Saved by the Bell
Scarecrow and Mrs. King
Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?
Scrubs
Seaquest DSV
Seinfeld
Sex and the City
Six Feet Under
Slings and Arrows
Smallville
Space 1999
Space: Above and Beyond
So Weird
South Park
Spaced
Spongebob Squarepants
Sports Night
Star Trek
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Star Trek: Voyager
Star Trek: Enterprise
Stargate Atlantis
Stargate SG-1
Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip
Superboy
Superman
Supernatural
Surface
Survivor
Taxi
Teen Titans
That 70’s Show
That’s So Raven
The 4400
The Addams Family
The Andy Griffith Show
The A-Team
The Avengers
The Beverly Hillbillies
The Brady Bunch
The Colbert Report
The Cosby Show
The Daily Show
The Dead Zone
The Dick Van Dyke Show
The Flintstones
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
The Golden Girls
The Honeymooners
The Jeffersons
The Jetsons
The L Word
The Love Boat
The Mary Tyler Moore Show
The Mighty Boosh
The Monkees
The Munsters
The Mythbusters
The O.C.
The Office (UK)
The Office (US)
The Pretender
The Real World
The Shield
The Simpsons
The Six Million Dollar Man
The Sopranos
The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
The Tudors
The Twilight Zone
The Waltons
The West Wing
The Wonder Years
The X-Files
Third Watch
Three’s Company
Torchwood
Top Gear
Tru Calling
Twin Peaks (as much as anyone can know what's going on in anything by David Lynch)
Twitch City
Ugly Betty
Veronica Mars
Whose Line is it Anyway? (US)
Whose Line is it Anyway? (UK)
Will and Grace
Wonderfalls
Xena: Warrior Princess

Lessons from this? It's amazing what you see when you have to share the remote control.

	I received 77 credits on The Sci Fi Sounds Quiz How much of a Sci-Fi geek are you?
Quiz by SheGoddess: Lose weight

Apparently, the Daily Mail is the biggest selling 'news'paper to women in the UK. The reasons for such madness eluded me, until someone in a Facebook group pointed out that they have Jonathon Cainer as their astrologist. Like many, many people, I read my stars but don't hold much faith in them; they're far too generalised. However, on Mr. Cainer's own site, I read the stars and was highly amused to read this for Cancer (June 23rd - July 23rd). I know of a Cancerian to whom this is surprisingly accurate.

Your Week Ahead: Is there a number tattooed on your skull? What about that ball and chain padlocked to your ankle? Does it have your name engraved on it, alongside the number of years you must serve? I'm just trying to find evidence of your incarceration. It seems to me as if somehow, you have put yourself on trial and declared yourself guilty of a crime you did not actually commit. Now you are punishing yourself for no good reason. This week brings opportunity and potential excitement. Why are you so suspicious of it and all it contains? Look at what is being given to you, not what is being taken from you.

My own (and Pilf's, and Aquarius') is as follows;

Your Week Ahead: Some people deal with their issues by talking about them openly and honestly. Others stick their heads in the sand. They try not to think - or talk - about the factors that upset or unnerve them. They rather hope that if they ignore all of these, they will go away of their own accord. Sometimes, for a while, it can seem as if such a policy is working. Sooner or later, though, what we don't deal with turns corrosive or explosive. It's far better to face it than sort it out. This week, you are being invited to summon some courage and broach a topic that is difficult or delicate. Don't be afraid.

I guess that means I'll be seeing the counsellor? Also, in my busiest week this year so far; I'm doing the Ritual Abuse catch-up on Tuesday; going to the first peer support meeting at the Centre and (hopefully) attending a seminar on stalking and harrassment.

You know, there's something that's been bothering me for months (and on this rare occasion, I'm not overstating); Tarantino's role in Planet Terror is The Rapist or Rapist #1, depending on your source. As I understand it, his character is implied to be about to rape Rose McGowan's, but is killed before he can complete his crime. So, why is he referred to as The Rapist, or Rapist #1? I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions on that one, but I still think it's a pathetic 'man' who thinks that identifying in that manner is laudable.

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In listing the books I'm reading earlier, I forgot one title that I'm rather keen on finishing; Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West - Gregory Maguire.

I also picked up 2 CDs in Oxfam this afternoon; Save Yourself - Speedway, as it's been there for months and I took pity on it, and Freeway by Editec. Who I've never heard of before, I haven't a clue what they're like, but it was a pink jewel case and the liner notes are half written in Japanese. Or, more likely, Chinese. Yeah, I think it's Chinese, looking at it. Unless it's Korean... Anyway. Once I have it transferred to Evadnie, I'll be able to not-sleep and report back on it tomorrow.

Step away from the Marketplace. Put down the mouse. Stop clicking on 'add to basket'. You are unemployed and can't afford it. And we're not even going to begin to talk about the badges.

So. Yeah. Somehow have managed to order a copy of Some People Have Real Problems - Sia, Absolute Garbage - Garbage (the limited edition 2 disc version) and an electro compliation that was £1.80.

No. Self. Control.

At least, when it comes to music.

And sometimes, books. In addition to The Eyre Affair - Jasper Fforde, Last Tango in Aberystwyth - Malcolm Price, Kill The Princess - Stephanie Vermeulen, Mao: The Untold Story - Jung Chang and Jon Halliday, Maxed Out - James D. Scurlock, It's So You - edited by Michelle Tea and The BUST Guide To The New Girl Order - edited by Marcelle Karp & Debbie Stoller in the 'started' stack, next to my bed; I also now have The Rotter's Club - Jonathon Coe, Confessions of A Reformed Dieter - A.J. Rochester, Soul Mountain - Gao Xingjian, Taking It Like A Woman - Ann Oakley, Chinese Cinderella - Adeline Yen Mah, The Heart of A Woman - Maya Angelou and Jonathon Strange & Mr. Norrell - Susanna Clark (which until this very moment, I thought was written by a man, for some reason). And then there's about the same number again of books I've picked up in charity shops and have yet to read, but my head is spinning enough already.

And do I need to mention the shoes? Yeah, them too.

Gonna have to get the record player back out of the attic. Oxfam in Clarkston have a very respectable music section (vinyl, not the CDs, they're mostly shit) so I'm home with Wow! - Bananarama, Sunburst And Snowblind - Cocteau Twins, Out Of The Blue - Electric Light Orchestra, Birdhouse In Your Soul - They Might Be Giants and Nocturne - Siouxsie And The Banshees.
Well, I'm pleased. Almost enough to make the achy mouth go away. All I need now is to persuade a parent to go up the ladder for me.

I'm starting to thing that the BBC is getting a bit misogynistic... Take, for example, the interesting report that shows that men and women are more or less intellectually equal, in terms of IQ. However, both men and women think that men are more intelligent. The study review was carried out by one Professor Adrian Furnham, of University College London. It's not earth-shattering news, but it does make for interesting reading. Via an American news source. From the BBC we have, instead, this. And it currently features in the 'lastest news' section relating to the World Economic Forum. Can any one say 'evolutionary psychology' without laughing? Some people are so determined that their sweeping generalisations, are so right, they fail to notice their amazing similarity to white supremacists. Go back and read that piece on the BBC again, but this time, read 'black' for 'women' and 'white' for 'men'.
Additionally, the political editor for North America, one Justin Webb, doesn't seem to much like Hillary Clinton. Based on her politics, I could understand that. No, he seems to dislike her for being a woman.

"It is tricky, this female thing, as tricky as race. I think I agree with the New York Daily News columnist, that tearing up in New Hampshire was itself a low blow - and a hugely difficult one to counter..."

Why is it tricky, and why is it difficult to counter? And instead of just letting it happen, why not make an effort to counter it? And, no; updating to include a link to Bob Herbert's wonderful piece (which I will be linking to at every available opportunity, as it's so damned brilliant) doesn't make everything ok again.
One way and another, I'm losing my faith in the BBC. Channel 4 had better not let me down now...

Someone, please remove my teeth. Or, failing that, just the wisdom tooth that's giving me grief. The last time I has such a night's sleep as last night, I was hooked up to an I.V. drip that made me feel "a little nauseous" every 20 minutes into a papier-maché bowl. I'm so tired just now I feel sick. That could be in combination with the pain, thinking about it.

For some reason I was thinking about blowjobs at 4am this morning. I'm not really sure why. But anyway, I'm firmly of the belief that my ideal man will be the one guy out there who doesn't really like them. Because I really don't like to do that. About 8 or 9 years ago, the guy I was seeing at the time had really dubious personal hygeine, so I just didn't. Then there was Iain. To begin with, I guess I was more or less willing, though that wore off after 6 months or so. Then he would start asking for them. And asking. And asking. When someone's hit you hard enough to leave bruises, and thinks that "fluffy lesbian" is an endearing diminutive, the last thing you want to do is suck them off. So when Ben, who originally said that he wasn't too fussed over blowjobs, started pestering me to perform, something in me died.

My ideal man just doesn't exist, does he? In the meantime, where's that clove oil?

I was reminded of this earlier. Somehow, watching the BBC news isn't quite the same now.



Also; how great is Bill Bailey? Not only funny but has also incorporated a theremin into his act.

I think I've done this meme already, but what the hey. It saves you looking back through my archives.

1. A is for age: 28 (and 49 weeks tomorrow)

2. B is for beer of choice: Stella Artois. I think. It's now so long since I've drank beer, I can't remember. But I know I'm not keen on American beer, as it's generally very weak.

3. C is for career right now: Trying to move to social care.

4. D is for your dog's name? If I had a dog... Gaspode.

5. E is for essential item you use everyday: Computer, tying with Walkman.

6. F is for favorite TV show at the moment: DS9 (well, it's the only thing I actually watch, other than the news)

7. G is for favorite game: World of Warcraft (squee!)

8. H is for Home town: Glasgow

9. I is for instruments you play: bass guitar (badly)

10. J is for favorite juice: apple and elderflower

11. K is for whose butt you'd like to kick: surprisingly, no-one's.

12. L is for last place you ate: at the dining table

13. M is for marriage:

14. N is for your full name: not telling ;)

15. O is for overnight hospital stays: 2 that I remember, and one that I don't.

16. P is for people you were with today: Parents.

17. Q is for quote: "The internet was closed so I thought I'd come outside today" (it's on my t-shirt)

18. R is for Biggest Regret: um... I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention.

19. S is for status: Clear.

20. T is for time you woke up today: 7.23am, 8.45am, 11.05am, 1.20pm.

21. U is for underwear you have on now: matches.

22. V is for vegetable you love: steamed parsnips.

23. W is for worst habit: picking at ingrown hairs.

24. X is for x-rays you've had: Many, all dental.

25. Y is for yummy food you ate today: cherries

26. Z is for zodiac sign: Aquarius. I think, with Aquarius rising.

This is a timely blog article on the Huffington Post. Why timely?, you may wonder. Well, let's just say that there's a reason I've been eating carbs like I won't eat for the next month, and it's a very hormonal reason.

I find it so irritating that periods are such a taboo. That thing that some guys come out with, "I never trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die"? Offensive in about 6 billion different ways. If the majority of women didn't bleed for 7 days and not die, the world would look quite different.

And don't get me started on scented tampons, or the ones with skirts, or the massive array of products designed to minimise the bloodiness of menstruation. And what's the etymology of the word 'period' anyway? Best I can come up with is that it's shortened from 'period of confinement'. Barrrrrrgh!

Anyway, DS9's on in a second, I'll leave it there for now.

I'm killing time while I wait for an ebay auction to end. I'm hoping to get a new graphics card for the princely sum of £30 maximum. The Blizzard site says that the recommended requirement is a 64mb card (or is it 128mb? Forgotten already) but this one is 256mb, so will hopefully do the job. And as I've just won the item, I'll hopefully be up and running and Warcraft ready soonish. I'll need to make sure my memory capacity is up to scratch too... Occupants of the Khadgar realm beware... I was considering doing a realm transfer; move all my toons from Eonar, but I'm still not sure. It's now been so long since I played, it wouldn't do me any harm to roll a new rogue and start again from level 1. And anyway, I really enjoy the easy kills at that level; running about killing everything in sight and the respawns until your bags are full, then selling the stuff to go buy some slightly nicer looking armour. The endless running from place to place because you're so far from level 40 it would bring tears to your eyes. Still. At least Ashenvale isn't really an essential place to go. My WoW nightmares always centre on that place...

Remember I mentioned Bach Flower Remedies the other day? The Mustard is working so well, I got Wild Oat and Agrimony earlier today. The agrimony isn't for just now, just for when it's needed. The wild oat, however... I may end up with an I.V. of it. Anyway.

Ooh, I'm all excited; I might be back on WoW in a week or thereabouts!

My brother has joined a Facebook group devoted to our old high school. I won't be joining. I hated school, to be quite honest. I would imagine that the main reason these people have joined is to have the opportunity to say to one another "since leaving, I've done this, this, this and this" with the subtext of 'aren't I the wonderfully successful one'? And I also know that, if I did join, any contact from anyone I knew at school would be totally at odds to how they used to talk to me.

Actually, no. I didn't hate school. I hated the people in it.

But I'm not going to dwell on them anymore, they're not worth the effort.

Make it this one. The UN Foundation have pledged $1 for each of the first 100,000 signatures. Over 21,600 people have at the time of writing, and that's been a day and a bit since the launch.

G'wan, ye ken it maks sense!

Once again, I have somewhere to go and it's snowing. A woman could get paranoid.

Also; why does snow at a distance fall diagonally in one direction, but when it's closer, fall in the opposite direction?

Have I mentioned that I volunteered to talk about being a volunteer at the Information Evening for potential volunteers? Can I use volunteer any more in that sentence? It's been a while since I stood in front of a group of people and spoke. And I've got to talk about me. Why did I say I'd do this??

To distract myself from things like this, I find planning my outfit is a good distraction. That may sound silly, not to mention shallow, but whatever. It means I'm not stressing out about the thing that's really worrying me, and I don't have to worry about how I look tomorrow. The shoe obsession ties into this. Do other people do this? It's almost like choosing a suit of armour to present to the world. Sometimes, I'll just wear jeans and a t-shirt, especially when I'm hoping no-one notices me. Funnily enough, when I'm feeling more insecure than usual, that's when I tend to 'dress up'. A good example would be when I went to Glasgow to meet Debs (not Burning Times Debs, 'my' Debs that I met last year at work, who wants to volunteer with RCC too) In addition to my favourite black skirt, that's very full and reminiscent of the 50s, I was wearing bright pink tights, my black canvas Irregular Choice flats that have split toes and ribbons round the ankles, my blue Hello Kitty raincoat and was using my clear plastic umbrella (the Queen has the same one). I looked like someone's batty maiden aunt. Or like I was in the thrall of Gwen Stefani. Still. I felt comfortable, and that's the important bit. It also gives me reassurance that if someone's looking at me, it's the clothes that are doing it.

What colour tights should I go with tomorrow?

Debs at The Burning Times posted these memes, so I'm passing them along. It's 2 memes, both relating to privilege.

- Do you have all your teeth? Yes, but a lot of them were filled on the NHS
- Do you use a hairdresser? Yes, about twice a year.
- Do you do all your own housework? Yes
- Who paid for your education? State, though my parents were forced to contribute to my higher education, as means testing is based on some interesting assumptions.
- Did you have music lessons, dance lessons, art lessons as a child? Yes, but I wasn't forced into them.
- Do you have life insurance? No
- Do you have long-term care insurance? No
- Do you have investments? No

Class Privilege Meme

INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: From What Privileges Do You Have?, based on an exercise about class and privilege developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University. (If you participate in this blog game, they ask that you PLEASE acknowledge their copyright.)

Bold/italicize whatever applies to you:

1. Father went to college.

2. Father finished college.

3. Mother went to college.

4. Mother finished college.

5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.

6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.

7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.

8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.

9. Were read children’s books by a parent.

10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18.

11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18.

12. The people in the media who dress and talk like you are portrayed positively.

13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18.

14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs.

15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs.

16. Went to a private high school.

17. Went to summer camp. (I went on the school exchange trip a couple of times, that's probably the nearest equivalent.)

18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18.

19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels.

20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18. (Mum also made some of them from scratch.)

21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them.

22. There was original art in your house when you were a child.

23. You and your family lived in a single family house. (I did most of my growing up in a tenement flat.)

24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home.

25. You had your own room as a child. (Though not between the ages of 7 and 14)

26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18.

27. Participated in an SAT/ACT prep course.

28. Had your own TV in your room in High School

29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College.

30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16.

31. Went on a cruise with your family.

32. Went on more than one cruise with your family.

33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up.

34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family. (I was unaware of many things, but did know to put a jumper on before turning the heating up.)

Earlier, I was reminded of something about Ben that irritated me beyond all reason. OK, something else about Ben, that irritated me beyond all reason. Saying "my word" after sex every time? Made me want to peel my skin off. Making me eat spicy food even though I didn't like it? Pissed me off. The thing about the hair and the heart? Utterly ridic... I could go on in a similar vein for quite a while, but I'm not going to.

Anyway. A good 2 years into the relationship, we somehow got talking about September 11th, 2001. He believes the conspiracy theorists that say that the Twin Towers were brought down in a controlled demolition. Why I didn't maybe just back away slowly and avoid all further contact, I'll never know. How anyone could think that it was controlled in any way totally escapes me. If there was a demolition plan in place, I somehow doubt that it included having most of the New York Fire Department in the buildings and so many people still within the blast radius. The evacuation would, one would hope, have been given sufficient time to be completed. He reckoned that, sometime between the bombing in 1993 and 2001, detonators were secretly placed throughout the north and south towers; something to do with reducing insurance premiums. I wouldn't have thought that placing explosives in a building would have been a very good idea; what would have happened if there was a fire? Heating explosives is usually contraindicated in the handling instructions.

And who in the world would look at the burning buildings and think "Must bring them down NOW"? No-one knew they were going to collapse, hence the fairly calm and ordered evacuation of the floors below the impact sites. Hence the people in the streets suddenly turning and running when they did start to collapse. He said that he thought someone panicked and pressed the button. Two massive buildings in downtown Manhattan, and there's one button that would bring them down? And if there was ever a disgruntled ex-employee who knew about the button and went a tad postal?

Anyway. If you want more on the September 11th conspiracy theories, there's an excellent rebuttal to the Loose Change documentary that makes for informative and sometimes entertaining read. Entertaining in that the author dissects the statements of the theories so easily and succintly.

And, hot damn, am I glad I didn't marry the wanker.

Sweetest Google-search-that-brought-someone-to-me, so far: "Your [sic] the cream in my coffee record player".

I wonder what they were really looking for.

It occurs to me that lately, I've been writing about fairly miserable things; kids who have been thrown off buildings, sexual violence, bad weather. So, in a feeble attempt to lighten the mood, I'll drivel on about other things instead. I'll also try to keep the links to a minimum.

It's 3 weeks until the Pumpkins show, Chris has agreed to come with me. I'm quite looking forward to seeing him as it's been a couple of months now, at least. I know that they'll play Doomsday Clock, I hope they play 7 Shades of Black too.

My parents returned from their trip to Madeira yesterday evening, with a bunch of photos of steep mountains that they climbed (it was a walking holiday), a touch of the sun and a litre bottle of Jack Daniel's for me. Did I mention how much I love my parents?

The Cake B-sides album has yet to arrive, but the copy of Sweet Relief II plopped through the letter box yesterday. I wanted a decent, non-skipping copy of Kick My Ass that Garbage covered on it, and was plesantly surprised to discover after it arrived that there's song by the Pumpkins (and Red Red Meat) on it too. There's another CD that I'm expecting, though at this moment I've forgotten what; two books and some perfume I won on ebay, Demeter Library of Fragrance Neroli. I keep thinking about getting a copy of The Second Sex, but keep balking at the price (I'm entirely spolit by the choice of books for 20p on Amazon Marketplace), the same with Some People Have Real Problems, Sia's new album. It's now less than £8 on Marketplace, but still... I haven't paid more than £5 for a CD for a really long time. Apart from the copy of Earphoria from Fopp, that was £6. And maybe a couple of the CDs from Groucho's. Anyway. There's a copy on my ebay watchlist, and the Marketplace prices are creeping down slowly. Softly, softly, catchee monkey.

While in Dundee at the start of the year, Lesley recommended the Mustard Bach Flower Remedy. I can't quite remember what she said it was for, something along the lines of depression, and Seasonal Affective Disorder. The website says it's for "deep gloom with no reason". I trust Lesley's recommendations absolutely, so got some. It seems to be helping. Looking at the list of preparations, there's about 10 others I should get a hold of, with varying degrees of urgency.

It's taken me so long to write this much, the post has just arrived, with my perfume and the Cake CD. It has a scratch-and-sniff package! Did I mention, I'm easily amused? I'm off to get the package stuck up my nose.

In keeping with a disturbing theme of men who throw children off of man-made constructions...

The trial has begun of an English man in Crete. He stands accused of attemped murder of his 2 year old daughter, and the murder of his 6 year old son, after jumping off a hotel balcony while holding them. (I think the BBC said that he threw the son off, then jumped with the daughter, I can't recall exactly) I'm linking the Channel 4 news report, as I was watching that more closely. They also included a quote that I can't find on the C4 news website, but I found it on AOL eventually. It was courtesy of a professor of psychiatry who interviewed the defendant, presumably to ascertain his state of mind (he's reported to have attempted suicide several times while in custody, and apparently has a family history of mental health problems). I quote the article...

"Prof Nestoros, who conducted a series of interviews with Hogan, added: "He did not even remember he was on the fourth floor - this man was not in a clear state of mind.

"His wife should not have said the things she did."

Professor Nestoros went on to describe how Hogan had "heavy illusions" and schizophrenic symptoms when under pressure."

(emphasis mine)

The trial has just begun, but I've yet to see a report that details what his wife actually said, if anything. They "rowed" about the packing.

Is it necessary to blame the wife for this? Really??

---

Not wholly related, but another point about C4 news: I just wanted to give them snaps for the way the spoke about the Ipswich murder trial. I can't recall the whole thing, but it went along the lines of "... Steven Wright, who is on trial for the murders of five women... [names of women, description of today's events as the jury's wellies are shown, visiting relevant sites] ... the five women, who were working as prostitutes at the time."

Was it just yesterday that I was posting about the Home Office's "Ladies, don't drink; you'll get raped (and it will be your fault)" campaign? Times flies, even when not having fun, apparently. (Not that I've been having a shit time; I managed to see the silver-lining of stepping of a loose flagstone and drenching both feet with the water hidden below almost immediately (as it was so cold, I couldn't feel my feet anyway). My trip into the town (or is it a village? I dunno) was very pleasant, and something about the weather seemed to make everyone even more friendly.)

Anyway, as a response to the Know Your Limits poster, how about this?

“A study published in the Journal of Sex Education & Therapy found that almost 70 percent of sexually assaulted women reported that their assailant had been drinking.”

That’s 1 out of 3 rape victims - and 7 out of 10 sexual assailants. Do the maths - for which group, victims or attackers, is drinking the big problem?

So here is my new campaign:

MEN - 7 OUT OF 10 SEXUAL ASSAULTS HAPPEN AFTER THE ASSAILANT HAS BEEN DRINKING. STICK TO JUICE, AND STAY OUT OF JAIL.

Admittedly, I don't really 'get' the poster, I've never seen it before so the significance goes right over my head. But the slogan as 100% pure genius. Right now, I wish I was Maia.

You wouldn't think my parents are coming home this evening, by the way I'm hoovering (Dysoning?) and generally tidying stuff up. After I went to the Post Office, I decided to drip all over the place in a few other shops (seriously, I nearly shorted out the photocopier), so got Dad his fat milk, some flowers to put in a vase (yellow roses; which happens to be Dad's favourite colour, and the orangey ones were a bit brown at the edges of the petals), new Yankee Candle wax tarts and a few more books at the charity shop. I'm growing to adore that place; the last few visits have turned up at least one feminist book (or a book that loosely ties into associated issues at RC) and I picked up the most gorgeous black velvet skirt for £1. And a chocolate brown peachskin one that was originally from Coast. Also £1, and the final nail in the trying-not-to-turn-into-Mum coffin. Not that she wears a lot of brown, think neutrals and navy and you're pretty much in Mum's wardrobe. I've resisted any brown at all in mine for, well, nearly 29 years. I guess this means I'm not the rebellious youth I used to be. I wonder if rebellious grown up will work? One way to find out...

Anyway.

You might have seen in the news today that 2 cups of coffee a day can double your risk of miscarriage. If you're a pregnant woman. I saw a report on ITN's lunchtime bulletin about this; the science reporter (Lawrence McGinty) stated that the data was based on the questioning of women who had been pregnant between 1996 and 1998, so therefore maybe not the most definitive data as who can remember how much tea or coffee they drank 10 years ago? He did also go on to say that it was a 'good study', which confused me a bit, but there you go. He also described a British survey that was carried out last year, including about 2,000 women, that showed no link between caffeine and miscarriage.

But anything to say to women 'if you miscarry, it's your fault', eh?

So, I'm up and have looked out the things I need to copy to send with the application, and now just have a couple of things to do before leaving the house.

It's snowing.

It was raining when I opened the curtains, so it's not going to lie, but even so, this is taking the piss, surely?


*ooh, get me; spelt it right first time.

Do we like the new layout? Can you read everything ok? I've been monkeying about with the colours and font sizes, slightly. I'm a little concerned that the post titles are too blue to see clearly. Oh, the bad joke potential there...


Anyway. I finally found the blank CDs and the USB for my phone. I'd looked past them a good eight or nine times, and of course, they were in the last place I looked*, as ever.


Awhile back, Aquarius asked what my next tattoo was going to be and I made a poor attempt to describe it. This is a smaller version of what I want, and I think I'll have it done at top of one of my arms, on the shoulder.



Jud wanted to know what a Silver Cloud bath was, here's what it looks like, at least. The little white dots are silver glitter. It's hard to tell against the aqua coloured bath, but it turns the water sort of turquoise. The glitter (of which I think there's two sorts, glitter and lustre) shimmers through the water and is really quite hypnotising. I gather that in England's hard water, the glitter floats on the water's surface. (Yay for Scottish water! My teeth are awful, but the glitter looks fabulous!) The ballistic contains frankincense, which was what smelt so familiar to me, along with lime oil and sweet orange oil. Should you ever try it, or any other ballistic, don't do what I did and stick your nose in the bag and inhale deeply. The fizzing sensation in one's sinuses is... strange.
And this is just pure vanity. I don't often photograph well, so when I do... I'm going to have to repent my sins, at some point. Anyway. You can see the small silver stud in my nose; since taking this, I've messed about with a safety pin and forced something with a slightly larger internal diameter through the cartlidge of my nostril. I don't think they're hugely noticable. At least, once my nose stops feeling so tender, I'm sure it won't be.



*do you keep looking after you've found what you're after?

Right, I've finished my application form. It sounds like it's 9 pages of heartfelt explaination of why I should be considered for interview, but it's not. It's about 2 paragraphs worth. I'm just that good at procrastinating. On the upside, I have found a couple of things (not shoes!) on eBay that I quite fancy... Anyway. First thing in the morning (and I mean morning as it's generally understood to be, not my 'morning'), I have to go photocopy my passport and qualification certificates. Then post it all off. I may even have it sent special delivery, as the deadline is Tuesday at midday. Is that too much? But, I really want the job... And there's another job that I want to apply for, I'll phone tomorrow for the application pack. It looks like my horoscope might actually be about right, for the first time in... ever. Now to 'ritualise my birthday wish', even though my birthday's not for 3 weeks yet.

The other things I have to do this evening are now: find the USB cable for my phone as I have photos to upload and find my stack of blank CDs as there's some burning I want to do. It's quite possible Dad's put both of those things in a safe place...

I'm linking to Debs' blog so much now, I should probably just set up an automatic redirect, or something.

Anyway. Another brilliant piece, this time about the Know Your Limits campaign that the Home Office launched, with the claim that "1 in 3 reported rapes happen when the woman has been drinking". Never mind that the sole common denominator in 100% of rapes is the rapist...

Where's the corresponding advice for men to take heed of, for them to take responsibility of not becoming rapists? It's not quite the same, but there's been several occasions where I've been walking along a deserted street at night, and a guy has crossed the road and walked close enough behind me that I'm hyper-aware that he's there. I don't think it's a deliberate thing, but I'm getting a bit bored of being told to subtley alter the way I live my life to reduce the possibility of assault. And it's more than a little irritating that the standard male response to suggestions like the crazy notion that men should take responsibility for male violence is "I'm not a rapist, so how can you say that men are?" Um, try because, for rape and sexual violence to become a shameful artifact of humanity's past (much like slavery in the US, or capital punishment in the UK), men also have to act against it too. The current status quo isn't working. If men will stand up and be counted as actively trying to change attitudes to sexual violence, we might actually get somewhere faster. And, quite frankly, what is there to lose? Dammit, I should rule the world.

I'm procrastinating again. I should be dressed and finishing that job application form. Instead, I'm looking at the retro Lush site, wishing I knew someone who would buy me the Icon perfume for my birthday (assuming it gets made). It was discontinued years ago, right after I bought my first bottle of it, and I loved it. I still have the bottle, infact, and occasionally take the lid off and have a quick sniff.

Ideally, I'd buy it myself, but I'm not in the fiscal position to spend £45 on anything. Not even shoes, let alone perfume.

Bah.

As this thing I'm linking to isn't exactly humourless... (the associated blog seems quite interesting too)

It's funny what's deemed news-worthy, isn't it? Aquarius posted recently about two violent crimes in Honolulu, where she lives. Here, more or less on the other side of the world, I've heard about one of them, though searching British 'news' sources today, you wouldn't know it. A small child was thrown on to a freeway by the person looking after him, who may have been high at the time. I know I read about it a couple of days ago; the similarity between this and the guy who threw his 4 children off a bridge in Alabama stuck in my mind. It's an unspeakable act and there's nothing I can say that could convey my feelings about it.

The other item? Nary a whisper. The brutal murder of a woman just isn't that interesting. We probably wouldn't be hearing much about the trial of Steve Wright, if he'd just killed one woman. Home Office figures show that "on average, two women are killed every week by a current or former male partner", in England and Wales. That doesn't cover the deaths that are indirectly caused by domestic abuse, does it? Men who kill their current or former partners always seem to try to make it look like suicide. What if some of them succesfully pull off the lie? What of the women who do commit suicide, because they see no other way out of the relationship?

In an average year, that's 104 women killed by someone who she thought she could trust not to hurt her (at least, at some point in the relationship). It might get reported locally, as is evidently the case for Janel Tupuola. It's hard to ignore something like that on your own doorstep. Turn the corner and down the street, though...

'mkay, this is a bit weird. I drank most of a bottle of chardonnay last night, as one may do when in an empty house and keenly aware of one's lonesomness in the universe. I woke really early (for me) this morning, after dreaming about glasses of water, got some Irn Bru and went back to sleep. When I woke again, the hangover was pretty much gone, not that it was ever that bad in the first place. So, yeah.
What has happened though, is that I don't remember most of what I wrote last night. There's a whole (surprisingly eloquent, if dodgily spelt) ramble about Hello Kitty on JL's blog, and I really don't remember writing it. And I've said more about myself than I usually would. I do remember writing the comment on The Burning Times, but at that stage there was more wine in the bottle than me.

Oh dear. What else did I write? And where?

I really, really, really have to stop reading the news when I'm in a good mood, because there's always something there to enrage me beyond all reason.

Apparently, statuatory rape is consensual. On the right of the main body of the story, the BBC have helpfully provided links to earlier reports of the same story. Reading the report of the girl's testimony, it sure sounds like she was 'asking for it', doesn't it?

"She said: "It didn't feel real... I was shocked and didn't expect that to happen." She told the court the nurse had been looking after her in a cubicle in the accident and emergency ward. She said: "He shut the curtains and asked me for a kiss and I thought it was a bit weird. "He tried to kiss me on the mouth. It was horrible. I kept my mouth shut because it was just wrong. "I said to him 'no'. I think he pretended he didn't hear or just didn't want to hear." The teenager told police he then began touching her under her gown. She said: "He was really sly. I didn't say anything - I was too tired. I can remember the smell of him. It was horrible and I hated it."'

I'm going to go scream into a pillow now, do excuse me.

Seeing as we're all passing round memes like coughs and sneezes, you may appreciate this post from Shakesville. I'm almost tempted to copy and paste, but the sad truth is, it would be nowhere near so entertaining as Melissa's answers. Damn, I wish I had her wit...

Anyway. Have this instead.

Your Pirate Name Is...

Surgeon Lazy Gracey

1. Do you like cheese? So much I may yet turn into brie.

2. Have you ever been to the Rockies? Nope. I have, however been up several Corbetts and Munroes.

3. Do you own a gun? Nope, not even a water pistol.

4. Your favorite song? I've had Les & Ray by Le Tigre in my head since waking, it makes me want to dance.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not usually, no. Going to see the nurse, every 3 years, however... The last time, it turned into a farce. If an all-singing, all-dancing chorus line of medical students had turned up, I would not have been surprised.

6. What do you think of when you eat hot dogs? Drunken thoughts that are as fleeting as mayflies.

7. What's your favorite Christmas song? Last Christmas by Wham!

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffeeeeee...

9. Can you do push-ups? Maybe one.

10. Is your bathroom clean? Yes, I don't much like an untidy bathroom, but Mum seems to be almost obsessive about tidiness and order, and it's her house.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My big silver ring; I've worn it virtually everyday for the last 7 years; my lip ring.

12. Favorite Hobby? Music, reading, daydreaming.

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? It's so secret, even I don't know about it.

14. Do you have A.D.D? Nope.

15. What one trait do you hate about yourself? Thinking too much, especially when I'm not in control.

16. Middle Name? For my maternal grandmother.

17. Name your thoughts at this exact moment? Will this ring go through my nose with minimal pain? The kettle'll have boiled by now, should go make coffee.

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought? A new nose ring (which arrived today); Giant Cadbury's Buttons, skimmed milk.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Coffee, coffee, Irn Bru.

20. Current worry right now? I'm remarkably worry free, right now.

21. How did you celebrate your 21st birthday? I had a party in the old Westport bar in Dundee. Many, many people came.

22. What is the last movie you rented? It's been a very long time since I rented a DVD. The last movie I watched was Monster, which cost £3, less staff discount.

23. How did you ring in the New Year? With Lesley, Al and Alec.

24. Where would you like to go someday? Everywhere. Also, the Moon.

25. Name three people who will complete this and return? Probably no-one, as Jud tagged the most likely suspects already.

26. How many siblings do you have? An older brother.

28. What shirt are you wearing? My nightshirt, as I only got up a little while ago.

27. What was the name of your first crush? Gordon Ramsey. No, not the chef, someone else.

28. Who is your celebrity fantasy lover? Just now, David Tennant. On other days, Seth Green and the weekends, Billy Corgan. (just remembered it is the weekend...)

29. What shampoo do you use? Daddy O from Lush. It makes my hair really shiny and smells of violets.

30. Favorite color? Poyple. For preference, a really deep, bluish purple, like Cadbury's use for Dairy Milk wrappers.

31. Would you like to be a pirate? Arrrr, a pirate's life for me!

32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't really sing, but I usually have some song running around my head and I may hum along.

33. Favorite girl's name? Evadnie.

34. Favorite boy's name? My head's just gone blank.

35. What's in your pockets right now? No pockets, and I rarely use them anyway, as it ruins the line of my clothes.

36. Last thing that made you laugh? Bear in mind I was drinking, but Kira's line to the concussed Captain Sisko, when she realises that she's going to have to keep talking to him. "There'll be a test later!" Then I watched Never Mind the Buzzcocks, and chortled merrily through that too.

37. Best bed sheets as a kid? I can't say that I recall, but just now, I have pink leopard pink sheets, and they're great.

38. Worst injury you've ever had? Er. Breaking my tooth on the bottom of a swimming pool, I guess. I've been quite lucky, so far, in that regard.

39. Are you addicted to anything? Coffee, music, the written word.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house? 1, and an elderly portable one that's in the attic. We're not a family of TV watchers, really.

41. Who is your loudest (most outspoken) friend? Lesley's outspoken, but not in a bad way.

42. Who is your most silent friend? Um. Dunno. I tend to prefer people who are louder than me.

43. Does someone have a crush on you? Not that I'm aware of, and I doubt it.

44. Do you wish on shooting stars? Yes and on other things too. I really should complain to the management, they've yet to come true.

45. What is your favorite book? ...this job's too hard! *head explodes*

46. What is your favorite candy? Reece's Peanut Butter Cups.

47. What song was played at your wedding? Not having had a wedding or, indeed, anticipating one...

48. What song do you want played at your funeral? The Everlasting Gaze by the Smashing Pumpkins.

49. What were you doing 12am this morning? Pissing about on the internets, pissed as the proverbial fart.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Wanna sleep...

There's still at least another glass left in the bottle; I don't feel legless, but I'm not entriely sober, judging by my typing. I'm going to have a cracking headache when I wake up tomorrow...

Oh well. At least I discovered that channel 20 on Freeview is Virgin 1 and at 8pm on weekdays they're showing Deep Space Nine. I'd kind of forgotten how much I love it. They're up to about season 4 or 5 (Worf's in it, but beyond that I can't tell) so they're at the point where they hit their stride. And the women characters are about as real as you're ever going to get in Star Trek (beautiful and brainy, at least they admit it's possible. In 400 years.). In the episode that was on this evening was Starship Down, the DS9 version of Disaster, so far as I can tell.

I'm now in the mood to go watch all of DS9 from beginning to end. I really need to get those DVDs.

Further to 'Instant weight-loss NOW!', Debs at The Burning Times has written an excellent post on the same article. I am extremely grateful to her for doing so, as I am beyond words with fury and disgust at Mr. Littlejohn's piece. I simply don't have the vocabulary at hand just now to express the disdain and contempt I hold his opinions in.

Once again, I'm linking to something I wish I had written myself, but to be honest, I wouldn't have done it justice, unlike the author I'm linking to.

If you've read the Daily Male article penned by the ever-delightful Littlejohn, please consider making your displeasure known to Paul Dacre, the editor. Debs has included the contact details in her post. If you don't understand why writing off 5 murders as "no great loss" is a problem, email me and I'll be more than happy to explain.

I managed to sleep in until just after 1pm today. Though I am still my mothers' daughter; I got up about 9am to go open the curtains.

Is it sad that I'm planning my birthday already? It's just under a month, but I'm trying to decide when's the best time to email folks and stuff. At this age, it can be really difficult to say to folks 'it's my birthday and I'm going to the pub tomorrow night, fancy coming along?' because they'll have family or work commitments. Anyway, my plans, such as they ever will be, are to go the the 13th Note for the evening on the 16th. If anyone's in the vicinity and wants to buy me a drink... I'll be the one slightly overdressed, as I've never had a chance to wear my gingham dress since I got it, like, 4 months ago. Absolutely no presents allowed, I really hate that; the obligation that people feel to buy stuff that I didn't particularly want, nor need. Presents from my family are ok, mostly because Mum usually asks what I want and my brother gives me a voucher for a shoe shop or a record shop. I'd much rather have the company of friends than something they bought in the hope that I might like it.

I've managed to make that sound very selfish, haven't I? Oh well. It's my birthday.

All joking aside, this is truely sub-human writing. I suggest a campaign against the author, starting with complaining to the editor... letters@dailymail.co.uk

Or the penguins will take your sanity, one by one.

A link for that story I couldn't link to last night, the one about the police officer who was bailed after being charged with murdering his wife. So far, I can't see any background story, like domestic abuse, but that's probably because he was due to go to trial in a few months.

I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments. What are they?

1. Produce: depending on seasonality, cherries or clementines.
2. Bakery: honey and sunflower seed loaf (only from Somerfield, annoyingly)
3. Meat: bacon. Though it would be eaten for me, not by me. That's what happened last time.
4. Frozen: ice cream. Whatever takes my fancy at the time, though I'm not a fan of chocolate flavor.
5. Dry goods: crisps. Maybe caramelised onion and balsamic vinegar, they're far too edible.


Let’s say we’re heading out for a weekend getaway. You’re only allowed to bring 3 articles of clothing with you. So, what’s in your bag?

1. fancy shoes.
2. sensible(ish) shoes.
3. clean pants to match the bra that I'm wearing.


If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 3 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?

1. Please
2. Thank you
3. Bah.


So, what 3 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn’t get to do, you probably wouldn’t be in the best mood?

1. Visit the loo
2. Eat something
3. Take my meds


You’re driving down the road, and suddenly you’re hit with this sense of road rage. What 3 factors probably contributed to it?

1. Not being able to drive.
2. Not being able to drive (so important, I thought I'd mention it twice)
3. Realising that I'm not able to drive.


Sweet, you just scored a whole afternoon to yourself. We’re talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?

1. Faffling about on the internets.
2. Reading.
3. Making yet another playlist on Evadnie.
4. Taking a Silver Cloud bath, finally.
5. Experimenting (ok, playing) with my make-up.


Somebody stole your handbag/wallet…in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what’s in there?
(Right now, nothing other than the odour of cat wee which I'll try to wash out)
1. Notebook with shoe-decorated cover
2. Black ballpoint pen, possibly a Hello Kitty one
3. Which ever book I'm reading
4. Hello Kitty make-up bag, containing a small starry hairbrush, Some Kinda Gorgeous, Lyin' Eyes, Sexy Mother Pucker and one (new!) tin of Dr. Feelgood.
5. One purple Sony Walkman covered in starry stickers that were silvery about 18 months ago.


If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?

1. University won't be such a good idea after all.
2. A joint mortgage is never a good idea.
3. Life will get much worse, but it will also get much better.
4. That male friend who you fancy like mad? He fancies you too.


If you could go to any 4 places in the world and had all the time and money in the world, where would you go?

1. Japan.
2. Chicago.
3. Machu Pichu. (is that the right spelling?)
4. The Great Wall of China.

We all use StatCounter, or something like it, right? I still haven't worked out what all the different things mean, in any really useful way. Nonetheless, I'm tickled by some of the things people search for with Google, that bring them to me. As I mentioned recently, usually it's lyrics so I'm guessing people have heard a song and are desperately trying to find out what it's called and who it's by. Unfortunately, for the most part, people have been Googling lyrics I've used as post titles, and I never say where they're from. I guess, the next time I get wildly insomniac, I could go back and edit the posts to include writing credits...

A few people will be quite disappointed to get here and find they can't download the songs they're after. I wish I could make the songs I love available for download, but I don't know how to. I guess you could email me and I'll burn you a CD (when I find my CD-Rs; Dad's moved them, I think).

For posterity, here's my favourite searches thus far: insomnia ying song; solar poo; solar powered people with the song hibernation; anything interesting; quack create a fom; and solar powred record plyers. Yes, I'm easily amused.

Cuz I'm, like, totally obsessed with Sia just now...

Watching the Channel 4 News this evening, I realised that the habit of talking back to the TV hasn't gone away.

A Boeing 777 crash-landed at Heathrow this afternoon, you might have heard about it. No one was badly hurt, but the plane's a write-off, most likely. Both the reporter and Jon Snow aired the opinion that it might not be the safest to fly anywhere on a 777, until the cause has been reported. Statistically speaking, they're now the safest planes on the planet, surely? If, say 1 in 600 of these planes develop a serious mechanical fault, the chances of another one coming down within the next few days are mind-meltingly small. Why are they putting the wind up people who might already be a little nervous about flying anyway? Are they in the pay of Virgin Railways? And why is it 'glided' and not 'glid'?

If you believe the defence in the case against Steve Wright, he's one extremely unfortunate man. He had sex with 4 prostitutes right before they were murdered, but had nothing to do with the murders. And then the real murderer managed to not leave any forensic evidence on the bodies. What would the statistical odds be there?

Also, and I can't seem to find a link just now, there's a small political furore over why a policeman was granted bail after being arrested for killing his wife, who then went on to kill his mother-in-law, who was going to testify against him, then committed suicide. The transcripts of the bail hearings should be publicly available, but there's some kind of hold up somewhere.
I can't help but wonder if the judge, who as a group of people seem to seriously underestimate domestic and sexual violence in general, believed that, because he had killed his wife, he wouldn't present any risk to the public, as the circumstances that led to his criminal act no longer existed. In other words; "the judge said it was the circumstances of the marriage that had provoked [him] and that now those circumstances had gone, sending him to prison would "help no one"'. I'm harking back to something I wrote a few weeks ago, about 2 men who got off extremely lightly after being charged with domestic abuse. I won't be surprised if the judge who granted bail is on record as saying that the defendant had no previous convictions (you'd certainly hope that of a police officer) and was of 'good character', as abusive partners obviously are.

A to do list for tomorrow (technically later today, but I'm not going to be too pedantic)

1. Remember to shower, wash hair, etc. Not that I haven't been doing these things, but I put water on for a bath 4 hours ago and had better go turn off the heater before I boil myself alive or something.
2. Go out and buy milk.
3. Fill out YMCA application, or at least, make a start. It could well be the job of my dreams, but it will always stay that way if I don't get my finger out and get the application sent off before the 22nd.

Procrastination: I've got it down to a finely-tuned art form. It took years of practise.

Also: Do not get into a Facebook arguement with the wanker who reckons more allegations of rape are false. Right is on your side... right is on your side... and breathe... and relaaaaax....

With great interest, I read Debs' post on the Telegraph's use of 'women' and 'people', with regard to rape and sexual assault. It's something that I've started to notice too, as the feminist head doesn't appear to be interchangeable, not even with the cranky one. So, allow me to give shape to another apparently careless use of words: paedophilia.

As far as I'm aware, anecdotally, most child molesters are just that; they also have 'normal' sexual urges and will sometimes have an adult female partner, with whom he has a 'normal' sex life. (Who's to say what constitutes normal within a consenting relationship? Not me.) Paedophilia is a medically definable disorder. As I understand it, paedophiles don't have so much in the way of adult sexual relations, as it doesn't work for them. There is quite a difference between the two. I make no excuses; it's still wrong and more than a little bit disgusting to me. Children are not, under any circumstance you care to dream up, sexual beings or objects.

But that's not my point here. Whenever a case of child molestation comes up in the media, the perpetrator is always referred to as a paedophile. Is it lazy reporting, shorthand for someone who has a twisted and perverted (and I mean that in it's purest sense) view of power and relationships? Maybe it is, because most people don't like to think too much about child sexual abuse, and would prefer to live in a world where that kind of thing doesn't happen. Wouldn't we all? It's easier to say that a man is a paedophile than it is to confront the idea that maybe, just maybe, society and culture has somehow got it all wrong and there are far too many men 'out there' who have bizarre views about power and what sex means, because of that distortion.

To immediately call a child abuser a paedophile plays right into the stereotype of the man who is sick in the head, and somehow not fully responsible for his actions. He's a monster, and totally unlike the man next door; down the street; who sold you your car etc. He's entirely Other, just like rapists and domestic abusers.

No. They know what they're doing and they know that it's wrong.


Sorry for making it link-heavy, but I like to back up my assertions and illustrate my points.

Big eyebags, apparently. Yep, I have a new headcrush (a crush based on intelligence and cerebral stuff, not a skull-cracking move that one might see in Eli Roth's latest 'movie'.)

"The fundamental problem in all of this is that women and girls are dehumanized, opening the floodgates to every kind of mistreatment. “Once you dehumanize somebody, everything else is possible,” said Taina Bien-Aimé, executive director of the women’s advocacy group Equality Now."

Bob Herbert, for this article, I will always keep a special, warm place in my heart for you.

Too much of anything is bad for you, including microwave popcorn. And fake butter, on inhalation.

In other news, I watched Monster last night. The USB2 card arrived today, as did Kill The Princess.

So. I'm away to soothe myself with words. Lots and lots and lots of them.

Except "Ohhhhhh... David Tennant...*siiiigh*"

Partly because I really do think I'm alexithymatic. Once the subject turns to me, or to something that directly affects me emotionally, the words just disappear.

Anyway. The link. "Why Must I Be Sad?" by Jeff Fecke.

I forgot to say yesterday; I'm being referred to the practise's counsellor. Sorry for the awkward grammar there, but 'practise counsellor' is a little too ambiguous for comfort. Anyway. Watch this space. Maybe I'll get my words back.

I can see my toes, but I can't feel them.

The combination of alcohol and more food than I've eaten in one go since Christmas made me feel extremely drowsy. Then I had to get the train, which took about half an hour. Then I had to wait for the bus; another half hour. Then when the bus arrived (and it felt as though icy needles were being driven into the big toe on my right foot), that also took half an hour.

Did I mention? The battery in the Walkman went flat while I was still at Central.

-----

It's So You arrived today, which I'm enjoying, even if I feel that there's a slight bias towards queer feminists, thus far. I know that I come off as a big ol' lezzie to most folk, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest, but the fact is, I'm a feminist who likes clothes (well, more the shoes) and cock. In the meme that everyone in our blogging circle did, I was the only one who answered 'who would you like to have dinner with?' with their hormones. Unless you all have a prediliction for historical and/or important figures in our culture. Which is totally cool if you do.

-----

On the long and quiet journey home, I mostly listened to Don't Falter by Mint Royale in my head and thought about stuff, in a slightly alcohol-influenced manner. The situation with the guy that I have alluded to recently, mostly. I have absolutely no idea what I want there anymore. What I do want is someone who will be there, somewhere, for me. All I really, really want is to fall asleep at night and know that someone loves me and is thinking about me. Would this guy be able to do that? I haven't the first idea.

Anyway, the drink is making me write stuff I'll probably delete in the morning.

Lastly; a step-by-step guide on how to get rid of the last of a tin of Dr. Feelgood.

1. Decide to rinse out the sponge, as it's looking a bit grubby. Leave to air dry.
2. Discover your ever-wonderful fiance saw it drying and tossed it, thinking it was for the bin.
3. Buy new sponge.
4. Find that new sponge dries out, leaving a thick trail of dried Dr. Feelgood powder all over your lovely black clothes. Your lovely black interview clothes.
5. Try wetting the sponge before use, find that it works.
6. After a couple of weeks, open tin to notice dark spots on the protective paper layer betwixt sponge and skin balm.
7. Peel back paper.
8. Discover that dark bits are fuzzy.
9. Recoil in horror and do not, I repeat, do not apply the balm to your skin.

Works like a charm.

Sia's new album, Some People Have Real Problems, is on general release from today. Rather randomly, I was looking at emusic the other day and found that out. A friend of a friend suggested a couple of bands via Facebook (yes, it's a male FOAF; no, I don't know if it's flirting or not, I'll keep you posted if anything should occur to clarify) and instead of using my last 4 downloads for that, I saw the Sia album and downloaded 4 tracks from there instead, namely Academia, Death By Chocolate, You Have Been Loved and Day Too Soon. All are wonderful, though I haven't listened to them more than about twice so far, apart from Academia. It sounds good, which is important (obviously), but the lyrics also struck me as quite relevant, especially just now, given that thing that I'm stuck on.

Anyway. I have to go shower and stuff, so I'd better go do that.

After trying to get back to sleep for an hour, I gave up and saw Mum and Dad off at 5am. I did eventually get back to sleep, and woke again at 8.45 to find that my radio had gone on, but I'd forgotten to turn it back up. The other morning (possibly yesterday) I wanted to turn it off, but for some reason it wouldn't, not even the off switch worked. It must've been yesterday; it was the God-botherers.

Right before I woke up, I was dreaming that Ebeneezer Scrooge was seeing a doctor because he'd gone too far in the other direction. Someone was playing Time Jesum Transeuntum Et Non Riverentum on a violin somewhere. Make of that what you will.

Anyway. I happened to look at my diary earlier, and found that the doctor's appointment that I thought was scheduled for tomorrow is, in fact, today. So I'm meeting Debs later, and we're going to have dinner instead of lunch. And I'll wear my gorgeous shoes, because, dammit, I want to.

I was intending to swip Pilf's photo meme, but I can't edit photos because there's no program to do so on this computer. Dad has a habit of installing the bare minimum as he seems to think that it will make the computer run faster or more smoothly or something. The result is, therefore, that I'll have to show you the working but not the final answer. Use your imagination. My record cover wouldn't have writing on it anyway, you'd have to check the spine for the title and stuff anyway.


The band is called Border Campaign, the album title is Emperor Remains An Emperor.

(Here's the instructions)
The meme: you design the cover of your band's album using these links:
1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random The first article title on the page is the name of your band.
2. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.
3. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/ The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover. You then take the pic and add your band name and the album title to it, then post your pic.

1. I have come to realize that my butt: is out of sight, out of mind.

2. I have come to realize that when I talk: most of what comes out is quite unnecessary.

3. I have come to realize that I need: to take my tablets everyday.

4. I have come to realize that I lost: less than I have gained.

5. I have come to realize that I hate it when: things just refuse to go my way.

6. I have come to realize that marriage: isn't for me; so far every single guy I've said I'd marry has tried damned hard to destroy me.

7. I have come to realize that work: has to have a greater value than just a means to make money.

8. I have come to realize that I will always be: me.

9. I have come to realize that I like: most things and people until I have reason not to.

10. I have come to realize that the last time I cried: when I finished the book about the girl with the eating disorders. If she can find someone who loves her, despite her illness, why can't I? (I never said that I was at my most rational at the time)

11. I have come to realize that my cell phone is: Not the essential part of my life I used to think it was.

12. I have come to realize that before I go to sleep at night: I should consider choloform.

13. I am currently thinking about: a situation that I want to resolve, but I'm not sure how to.

14. I have come to realize that babies: are adorable, if messy, and I want one, but will have to think about adoption for that.

15. I have come to realize that when I get on Myspace: I need to get right back off again.

16. I have come to realize that today I will: not do much, other than dye my roots and keep out my parent's way, as they're packing. Or, Mum's packing and occasionally haranguing Dad.

17. I have come to realize that tonight I will: Probably lie awake until about 3.45am. Again.

18. I have come to realize that tomorrow I will: Still not have resolved this situation that's bothering me, but will hopefully get slightly tipsy with Debs.

19. I have come to realize that I really want to: get this job that I'm thinking about applying for and also find a resolution (for the situation I've mentioned) that I'm satisfied by.

20. I have come to realize that true friends: don't need constant apologies. And will stay up to all hours with you when you need it, without being asked.

21. I have come to realize that the person who might repost this is: I'd say Pilf, but as I got it from her... Jud, Aquarius, JL and Meghan have all reposted recent memes.

22. What bill do you hate paying the most? All that aren't in payment for shoes, CDs or books.

23. Where's the best place to eat a romantic dinner? Across the table from your romantic partner. Generally not over the sink.

24. Name of your first grade teacher? The only things I can recall from primary 1 are the first day (I cried when Mum left), the wendy house and the report card that said I was "quiet in class".

25. What do you really want to be doing right now? I don't want to make anyone vomit, so I'll draw a veil over it and move swiftly onwards...

26. What did you want to be when you were growing up? I still quite want to be an astronaut.

27. How many colleges did you attend? One. Though it was a university.

28. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now? Because, if I got hair dye on it, it won't show so badly. I was also mindful of letting Mum see a specific thing, but that hasn't been a problem.

29. If you could visit anywhere and take someone with you... I've just forgotten the name of everywhere I'd like to go, other than the Moon. Shoe shopping with Sally sounds very good though.

30. Do you plan on remaining in your current field? No, as my current field is 'workshy layabout', my previous field was retail and I want to go into social care.

31. Do you see yourself married in the next five years? No. Don't be silly.

32. What do you get every time you go into a WalMart? If it's Asda, peanut butter cups.

33.Beach or lake? Lake. Or loch.

34. Favorite guilty pleasure? Buying books and CDs from Amazon Marketplace.

35. What do you want when you are sick? Lots of books, tissues and decongestants or a clear path to the bathroom, depending on what kind of sick I am.

36. Who from high school would you like to run into? No one, really. Though I did run into one of my school friends on Saturday morning. Her first question was "Are you still engaged?" (when I last saw her a couple of years ago, Ben had cheated but I didn't know yet.) which struck me as odd, as I have never knowingly defined myself in terms of someone else.

37. Worst mistake that you wish you could take back? There's a few things I would've done differently, had I known how it would turn out, but there's no real regrets. You can't improve the past, so it's silly to try.

38. Do you have a teddy bear? I have a PG Tips Monkey, that Alan got a hold of for me, and a Hello Kitty-style squishie cushion that Lesley gave me.

39. Number of texts in a day? Nothing like so many as I used to send.

40. Ancient Egyptians or Mayans? I know more about the Egyptians, but the Mayans had chocolate...

41. How many jobs have you had? 10, over the last 16 years.

More referring back to myself... In a recent comment I think I advised Jud (possibly) to avoid voting for Mike Huckabee, as he had, as State Governor of Arkansas, released a convicted rapist 25 years early, who then went on to rape and murder two other women. If you read this article, you'll get more details on that. And by way of contrast, the author tells the story of another Death Row prisoner who Governor Huckabee took great interest in... If this guy becomes the Republican candidate, and becomes President (as Bush demonstrated, you don't actually need to get the most votes and win for that) (and there's your reason for international disdain of America, right there, especially in the countries where America is enforcing democracy, or at least, trying to) I swear, I'm moving to the Amazonian jungle. Or France.

Or maybe Australia. As long as I can keep a spray bottle of spider repellant to hand at all times.

And, suddenly, none of it seems to matter, so much. I'm quite disappointed that I won't be here in 20-40 million years to see any new stars forming.

There's a guy in Alabama who may or may not have thrown his children off a bridge. I have certain suspicions about the context of the story, and wanted to read a bit more. Someone managed to interview the guy's old neighbours and the report says this of them:

"They say they're use seeing him outside playing with his kids, not handcuffed, being carted away by police, charged with the murders of his kids."

If you're used to seeing your neighbours handcuffed, being carted away by police, charged with the murder of [their] kids, you may want to consider moving to another neighbourhood. Or, like Jessica Fletcher, you've just gotten away with it again.

Right here in Depresso Heights...

Mum made coffee and brought it upstairs on a tray. She and Dad were bickering over the other computer, so I grabbed my cup and disappeared back into my room. A few minutes elapse...

Mum: "Fee (Mum runs about 12 years behind everyone else on names), have you got your coffee?"

Me: "Have you got it on your tray?"

Mum: "No, the tray's tucked under my arm."

Me: ".... There you go then. Thanks!"

Remember how I was really tired? I mentioned it in my last post. Well, I logged off and lay down to read for a bit. I fell asleep about 9pm. All well and good, except (evidently) I woke up again. About 10pm. That Mao paperback is looking more and more tempting, in lieu of a rubber mallet... So you know what this means... (swiped from here)

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? WHAT INSULTING NICKNAMES WERE YOU CALLED IN CHILDHOOD?
This is where having about 2 weeks' worth of childhood memories has it's uses. All I can remember is Mavis Cruet. And that came from my belovéd family.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? WHEN YOU CRY, DO YOU LOOK UGLY, OR DOES IT GIVE YOU A BEAUTIFUL SAD GLOW?
Ben used to tell me I was at my most beautiful when I cried. Which tells you all you need to know about how I look normally, and also quite a lot about him. I don't think I look very nice when I get all red, blotchy, swollen and runny. But then, it's all in the eye of the beholder, right?

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? ARE YOU FORGETTING HOW TO WRITE BECAUSE YOU SPEND SO MUCH TIME ON THE COMPUTER?

Nope. My hand does get fatigued more quickly, to be fair.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? DO YOU THINK VEGETARIANS ARE INSANE? (BECAUSE THEY ARE.)

Ah, no. I think they are the only truely sane people on the planet. Vegans are a bit weird though. Have you ever tried soya milk?

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? DO YOU LIKE KIDS? IF SO, WHY? WHY, IN THE NAME OF GOD?

Kids are alright. It's great being able to hand one back to its parent, though I do feel an urge to get one of my own. It's still a very small urge, I should point out.

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? IF YOU WERE A DOG, WOULD YOU LICK YOURSELF JUST BECAUSE YOU COULD? DON'T TRY TO DENY IT.

Hell, yes. It's called grooming. Do female dogs lick their genital area the way that male dogs do? It's not something I can ever recall seeing...

DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? ARE YOU AS FRIGHTENED OF CLOWNS AS YOU SHOULD BE IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU?

I don't care much for clowns, but I'm not frightened of them. If one came after me with a large knife, then yes, I probably would be.

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? IF YOU COULD BE EITHER VERY BEAUTIFUL OR VERY SMART, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE AND WHY?

Very smart. Oh look! I already am! And, oh look! I'm already very beautiful! (Only when I cry.)

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? HOW MUCH MONEY WOULD YOU REQUIRE TO HAVE INTIMATE RELATIONS WITH MICHAEL MOORE OR ROSIE O'DONNELL (DEPENDING ON YOUR SEXUAL PREFERENCE BUT DOES THAT REALLY MATTER WITH THESE TWO)?

No money at all. I'm not for sale. Also, one hetero male, one homo female?

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CUSS WORD?

I'm fond of 'buggernuts'.

DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? IF YOU'RE A MAN, HAVE YOU EVER CAUGHT YOUR JUNK IN YOUR ZIPPER? HOW BAD DID IT HURT? IF YOU'RE A WOMAN, HOW GLAD ARE YOU THAT YOU'RE NOT A MAN?

I'm quite happy to be a woman, but not for that reason. Even though I have Period Pain From Hell. Once a month. For at least 24 hours solid. Have you seen my shoes?

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING TO GROW OLD OR DIE TRAGICALLY YOUNG?

Die tragically, old.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? DESCRIBE YOUR MOST RECENT NIGHTMARE.

Someone was chasing me with the intent to murder me. No, it wasn't a clown, but they did have the big, fuck-off knife.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? DO YOU WISH THAT, INSTEAD OF PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION DEBATES, THEY INSTEAD HAD TO BOX EACH OTHER, BECAUSE THEN THERE'D NEVER EVER BE ANOTHER DEMOCRAT IN THE WHITE HOUSE?

No, because I'm a left-wing nut-job. And I don't like boxing as a 'sport'.

RED OR PINK? ABBA: THE BLONDE OR THE BRUNETTE?

Björn. I'm not a huge fan of blonds.

WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? WHAT DISEASE DO YOU MOST FEAR CONTRACTING?

Altzheimer's? Anything that could reduce my senses. Syphilis.

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? WHO DO YOU MISS THE LEAST?

Oh, now... That would be telling. Pretty much all the people I've not been in contact with for the past 6 months or so.

WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DO YOU HATE SHOPPING FOR NEW CLOTHES (10 BEING SO MUCH YOU'D RATHER CLEAN THE CAT BOX WITH YOUR BARE HANDS).

1. I only go shopping when I'm in the mood to.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE BEFORE THE LAST TIME YOU THREW UP?

Vegetable quarter pounders. Assuming I haven't thrown up since cocktails in the afternoon with Chris.

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? NAME FIVE "CLASSIC" POPULAR SONGS YOU HOPE YOU NEVER HEAR AGAIN AS LONG AS YOU LIVE.

Um... Like what?

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? IF YOU WERE A DOG, WHICH BREED WOULD YOU BE?

Dalmatian, because they look fabulous. And 101 Dalmatians was a favourite book when I was younger.

FAVORITE SMELLS? FAVORITE BODILY FUNCTION? (COUGH, SNEEZE, BELCH, POOP, FART, YAWN, ETC)

Circulation, including the pulmonary system, the renal system and the hepatic system. It's endlessly facinating.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU HAD A HUGE FIGHT WITH, WHAT WAS THE FIGHT ABOUT, AND WHO WON?

Mum, shoes, Mum and I.

FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? AS WE ALL KNOW, PRO FOOTBALL IS THE ONLY SPORT WORTH CARING ABOUT. IN LIGHT OF THAT FACT, WHO IS THE BEST NFL QUARTERBACK OF THE LAST 10 YEARS? BEST RUNNING BACK? BEST WIDE RECEIVER? BEST DEFENSIVE PLAYER? BIGGEST PRIMA DONNA? WHINIEST BITCH?

OK, I've read that about 8 times and it's still just a random string of letters I don't care about. Moving swiftly on.

HAIR COLOR? BALD MEN ARE VERY SEXY. DISCUSS.

Patrick Stewart. Billy Corgan. Either of them could read me the phone book and I'd be a quivering pile of... something all quivery. Men with a full head of hair: also sexy. Men with thinning hair (I point no elbows at any ex-fiances here) not so much.

EYE COLOR? THE INVENTION OF THE PILL IS A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO BELIEVE IN GOD. DISCUSS.

Nope, assuming you mean the Christian God (and as you're evidently a right-wing sports fan, you seem to be) nothing will ever convince me, certainly not the Pill. Have you ever taken it? It's not that great. It stops you getting pregnant, whoop-de-doo. So do condoms. They don't do funny things to your head and body. Unless you've a latex allergy. I much prefer the contraceptive patch. Should I be calling it the Patch?

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? DO YOU HAVE PERFECT VISION? IF SO, RACHEL LUCAS ENVIES YOU WITH THE FIRE OF A THOUSAND GALAXIES.

No. I probably have worse vision than this delightful lady.

FAVORITE FOOD? FOOD YOU FIND SO REPUGNANT THAT YOU SIMPLY CANNOT BELIEVE OTHER PEOPLE PUT IT IN THEIR MOUTHS?

Cooked mushrooms. Liver.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? WHEN YOU GO TO THE MOVIES AND THE JERK BEHIND YOU KICKS YOUR SEAT CONSTANTLY, DO YOU IGNORE/MOVE OR DO YOU CHALLENGE THEM TO FISTICUFFS?

Move, if possible, or turn round and give them the Death Glare.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED THAT MADE YOU GET ON YOUR KNEES AFTERWARDS AND BEG GOD TO GIVE YOU THE LAST TWO HOURS OF YOUR LIFE BACK?

Um...

WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? DO YOU EVER PUT CLOTHES ON YOUR PETS?

No.

SUMMER OR WINTER? BEER, WINE, OR LIQUOR?

Depends on my mood.

HUGS OR KISSES? FALL ASLEEP OR CUDDLE?

Cuddle, and drift off in one another's arms. Causing at least one dead arm.

FAVORITE DESSERT? FAVORITE FOOD THAT YOU KNOW WILL KILL YOU EVENTUALLY BUT YOU DON'T CARE BECAUSE IT IS JUST SO FREAKING DELICIOUS?

Ice cream.

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO DISGUSTED BY A BOOK'S ENDING THAT YOU VIOLENTLY DESTROYED THE BOOK?

Nope. Though I have once violently destroyed a book, that's how angry I was.

WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? DO YOU HAVE P0RN ON YOUR COMPUTER? DON'T LIE.

Hardly.

WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? TRUE OR FALSE: "REALITY" T.V. IS THE BEST REASON FOR THE REST OF THE WORLD TO HATE AMERICA.

No, try the money-grubbing, capitalist foreign policy. The rest of the world is perfectly capable of produce it's own shitty reality TV.

FAVORITE SOUND? FAVORITE DRUNKEN SLATTERN: PARIS, LINDSEY, OR BRITNEY?

Who are you to judge? Who am I? What makes them slattern?

ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? MOST DESERVING OF CHUCK-NORRIS-STYLE ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE THROAT: AL GORE OR JESSE JACKSON?

I'm really not liking the tack these questions are taking...

WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? WHAT HAPPENED THE FIRST TIME YOU GOT DRUNK? 'FESS UP.

I danced about to L7, giggled a lot, fell asleep and woke with a raging hangover. Then fell back asleep and woke up feeling fine.

DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? IF YOU COULD HAVE MAD SKILLZ IN DANCING OR IN SINGING, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE AND WOULD IT BE FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL SATISFACTION OR TO IMPRESS OTHER PEOPLE AND POSSIBLY GET SOME ACTION?

Singing, for my own personal satisfaction. Not 'action'.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPERPOWER, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE AND WOULD YOU USE IT FOR GOOD OR EVIL?

Telepathy, and for good.

WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? IF YOU NEVER SEE ANOTHER Q&A MEME AGAIN, WILL IT BE TOO SOON?

Well, if it takes a sudden and worrying turn to the right, yes. Otherwise, no. I'll be reading more carefully in future, so thanks for the lesson Ms. Miyagi*...

My new favourite Cat and Girl strip.

All the talk of Warcraft reminded me of this Orneryboy strip.

I'm so tired, I've forgotten what it was that I wanted to post. Never mind, it'll come back to me if it's important.

Well, the visit to the city centre wasn't so bad. There was far less people than I was expecting. Also, in Fopp, I had an unexpected conversation with the very cold cashier. In Groucho's last week, I bought a reusable bag, and was making use of it again today. I think the girl might well be from Dundee, and was feeling maybe a wee touch homesick. Anyway, the Reading Rooms are apparently great. In all the time that they were open and I lived in the city, I never got round to it. If I went out, it was usually the Balcony Bar, occasionally the Westport, then Cage if I was in the mood to go a-dancin'. So. Yeah.

I read and fell utterly in love with Aberystwyth Mon Amour at the end of last summer, so picked up the next two books in the series. Also; a replacement copy of Earphoria - Smashing Pumpkins, Light & Magic - Ladytron, International Superhits - Green Day, Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots - The Flaming Lips and We Are The Night (a promo copy) - the Chemical Brothers. I also found that Billy Corgan's solo album is in Fopp's clearance sale for £1 (bah. I paid £3 for mine... etc.) and that the Felix da Housecat album I'm after is eye-wateringly pricey in the shops, so that's another one to be got from Amazon Marketplace. If you weren't already aware of it, as soon as you start looking around Fopp you can see that they've been taken over by HMV; they have the same daft prices. £18 for Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness!

Anyway. I've noticed that, everytime I buy stuff from Missing, I always pay less than I was expecting to. For example, today's 4 CDs all had £4 stickers on them. £12. I'm certainly not complaining, but have narrowed it down to one of two possible reasons: 1 - there's some kind of discounting scheme that I'm totally clueless about and it's perfectly normal and nothing special, or 2 - they want me to keep coming back because I seem to be one of the very few customers who is young (ish), female, has no noticable personal hygeine issues and all marbles in place an under control. (Believe it or not, I can easily pass for normal. Not that it's difficult in there.)

While trying to sleep last night, I had some unusual thoughts. I could see myself adopting children at some point in the future. I'm reasonably sure that you don't need a partner for that. Also, in a universe almost identical to this one, a special someone is planning to whisk that version of me down to London for my (her?) birthday weekend, to see the Pumpkins at the o2. I wonder if they know that my passport will have expired on the 5th there, too? I don't know how I know these things, when the other me doesn't, but I never claimed to make sense. I do hope she enjoys the show.

Quite regularly, I'll have visitors here who have searched for specific things. Mostly record players and bits of songs. I do hope that the person who searched for "Billy Corgan take my hand" has found that the song is Turn My Way by New Order. Either that, or they've also got a crush on the man himself, but are perhaps a little more... obsessive. Quite a few folks are looking for something to do with Breathe Me by Sia, too. Possibly fans of Six Feet Under? She's got a new album out on Monday, by the way. I've heard 4 tracks from it, they're wonderful. Buy the album.

However, the most disappointed visitor must be, so far, the person who arrived about 3.05am today, looking for "extreme pornography". I doubt that the person actually bothered to read anything I've written, more's the pity. As I'm not in the business of publishing photgraphs or videos of women having the most degrading acts done to them in the name of sexual arousal, they probably Googled off to some other place. It'd be nice to think that maybe, just maybe, this person actually paused to think about the ramifications of what they were doing, but I think it's more likely that all he could think about was getting off.

Gods, I miss Warcraft.

My toes are really cold.

I've been having real trouble getting to sleep before 4am since coming back from Dundee, and Mum will be waking me about 8am.

Bill Bailey is very funny (and a member of the Fawcett Society) but what I remember of Part Troll was funnier. Still, the Hokey Cokey in the style of Kraftwerk is excellent.

Clementines do not a meal make. At least, not 12 of them.

I still need to dye my roots.

Well, I'm going to see if reading about Mao Tse-Tung will put me to sleep any quicker. Failing that, it's a very thick paperback, I could just knock myself out with it. One swift blow should do the trick...

A funny thing happens, when I'm feeling down. Without fail, someone does or says something that forces me to look away from inward, and to stop being quite so negative about myself all the time. (There may well be some people out there somewhere who hate me with a cold passion, but I can assure you, my own hate for myself will do me far more damage than yours ever could.)

Anyway.

Despite the fact that I know I'll probably regret it, I've agreed to go into Glasgow with my Mum tomorrow. I don't like city centres on Saturdays, and I'm going to be on my own for a bit, while Mum is at some meeting she's attending. I don't like being around so many people, especially with no buffer.

But I'll get through it.

Especially as I'm planning to visit Borders, Lush, Fopp and Missing. And Mum said something about lunch.

Another day, another man gets off remarkably lightly for his crime against his former partner. Eligible for parole in about 2020. Sounds like a far off, distant figure, doesn't it? Not really; I'm almost 30 now, by then I'll be just over 40. So will this guy.

Another laughable sentence. Seriously, why don't judges get that these are serious crimes?

As a point of comparison, but not to diminish the severity of the other crimes, 3 Asian men were given sentences of 18 years for their part in an attack on a group of white men and attempting to murder one of them. To leap to a conclusion there, the one they are charged with attempting to murder is probably the guy that was paralysed in the attack. I am as anti-racist as I am anti-misogynist, so I think that that's a more reasonable sentence, based on the very sparse report I've linked to. And it's not just GBV; how about this? Actually, I'm stunned to not have seen it on the Daily Male's site; their readers would be foaming at the mouths over what appears to be a gay couple deliberately seeking to repeatedly abuse one child, and possibly others. (Again, that's my guess; the BBC only mentions one child.)

And then there's this item. Something about what the judge said reminds me, very strongly, of the case in Australia, in which the judge said that the 10-year-old girl "probably agreed to have sex with all of you". And, in case you skip over it, the man who attacked and stabbed this guy was sentenced to 6 years. That's just a bit less than the guy who raped the new mother that I mentioned recently. Whether or not this 12 year old girl agreed to have sex, it is still statuatory rape. The law holds that children below the age of 16 are not yet mature enough to make informed desicions about sex. Yes, I know it's a rather arbitrary number, and I know that puberty is starting younger and younger, and that kids are becoming sexually active younger and younger. But when all these people are up to high doe over the notion of sex education starting from the age of 5, does telling an adult that the child evidently wanted it not rather prove a double standard? The whole thing is making my head hurt.

When trying to spead butter, or indeed, a blended butter product, straight from the fridge, run the knife under the hot tap for a few minutes.

First thought on waking. Aren't I the practically-minded one?

So I'm watching things like this instead.



Jon Stewart is also lovely.

There's two films out that I want to see; Charlie Wilson's War and Juno. But I know very few people to go see them with, and I'm not quite independant enough to go to the cinema alone. You think that's bad? I'm supposed to be seeing the Pumpkins for my birthday, but I have no-one to go with. And I don't know that I can go on my own.

Pathetic, aren't I?

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
I have a small scar in the middle of my lower lip, from when I hit the bottom of a swimming pool with my chin and broke the corner off my front tooth, when I was 11. I still have no idea how it happened. Any other scars are self-inflicted, so quite boring, really.
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Mum's medals and certificates. I should retrieve my big Pumpkins poster from the attic, I've had it for about 10 years and always put it up wherever I live. It's got the photo from the cover of the 1979 single on it.
3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
It's a shiny pink clamshell, by Sony Ericcson. I really want the new purple slider phone that they do, though.
4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?
Pretty much anything other than Country (though I like 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton, and some Johnny Cash) and R&B. And dance music that you have to take drugs to enjoy.
5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
Yes, it says on my birth certificate. You want to know when? 5.35am. The one and only time I've been a morning person.
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
See my post entitled Alexithymia, that should give you some clue.
7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
Usually the bin.
8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
My Walkman.
9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
Neroli or raindrops incense.
10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Nope.
11. DO YOU GET SCARED OF THE DARK?
Nope.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
On me? Urrr... Nu or Number 5.
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON SOMEONE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO?
Strokable. Dark.
15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
Nowhere.
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
Coffee.
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Not sure.
18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Ask me when I'm hungry. Maybe satsumas or mandarins.
19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
Mum, most likely.
20. DO YOU SPEAK A FOREIGN LANGUAGE?
Nope. Only a few words of German.
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX):
Apart from the gift of low self-worth, in a sexual context? Really shitty earrings.
22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY?
I like a lot of people. If you mean like like? I don't know anymore. I've been thinking too much.
23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
No, but I am extremely bendy.
24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
Threadless. Also, Lip Service.
25. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR?
Reconditioned E Type Jag, soft top, in black.
27. WHAT IS ONE OF YOUR DREAMS?
To be happy.
29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
Either to actually tell them, face-to-face, as people aren't usually telepathic, or by means of a silly little act that would mean nothing to anyone else, but means the world to you and that person.
30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
8.
31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Brunettes.
32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL MOST OFTEN?
The bank.
33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
Small-mindedness.
34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE US?
Um... yes... I've been in it too.
35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Hmmm. Negativity, low self-confidence, thinking too much about things.
36. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?
Somewhere that feels like home.
37. FIRST JOB?
Saturday girl in an arts and craft supplies shop.
38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Nope. Though I do tend to answer "Sugar Town House of Pleasure" in my best phone voice, when the number's not witheld.
39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?
Looking at Crackers United and downloading mp3s from there.
40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Honestly? Breast lift. As it is, I'll just wear good bras, it doesn't bother me that much.
41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
Sheer boredom.
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
My intelligence. Or, at least, that I'm literate. And my vocabulary. Though, sometimes, I'm not sure if it really is meant in a complimentary way.
43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
Nothing much different. But not get shitfaced on my birthday.
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Something I'm not gonna get.
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
I don't think much about this; I doubt I'll have kids.
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Nope.
47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
Sometimes. So far, it's worked as well as wishing on eyelashes.
48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
Um... all of them? They're handy for doing stuff.
49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
A week past Monday.
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes. Sometimes. When it's not all scribbly.
51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Bleurgh.
52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Plenty.
53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
Spaced Out: Songs of William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy. Including The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins. 'Cept I'm not embarrassed by it. It's in my CD changer at all times.
54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Maybe, but I'd probably just irritate the hell out of me.
55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
Nope. I'm very good with secrets.
56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Only superficially.
57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Badly.
58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
Dundee.
59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
Yes, and no.
60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
I can't remember.
61. WHAT ARE THE FIRST THREE NUMBERS IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
My brother, the training coordinator for Rape Crisis, a friend who's name also begins with 'A'.
62. This is, apparently, where you either get up and sing “Nelly The Elephant” or make up your own question/answer. Just pretend I did the former, ok?
63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Never. I only deal in total sincerity.
64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
Yup, and at the bottom of it too.
65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A MAN/WOMAN?
Sense of humour, patience, independence. Nice eyes.
66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Feebs.
68. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Nope.
69. WHO IS YOUR CRUSH?
Billy Corgan and Seth Green. Yep, both at once. Ahem.
70. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Oatmeal Cookie. Or Vanilla Toffee Crunch.
71. WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU WENT ON A DATE?
A long time ago.
72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
Purple.
73. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
3.
74. WHO/WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
Steve, and having other things to do.
75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Sure, if they want to.
76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Nothing, I don't think the download worked, cuz SonicStage isn't doing anything...However, Sleeping Lessons by The Shins is on in my head.
77. LAST THING YOU ATE?
Tablet.
78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Niall.
79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT A MAN/WOMAN?
Eyes.
80. FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG?
Just now... I Wanna Know What Love Is by Julie Ruin.
81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE:
Misogyny, and hate in general.
82. FAVORITE DRINK?
Carbonated water.
83. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN:
Um... Well, I like being an Aquarian...
84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?
Word games with slow people who think they're the intelligent one.
85. HAIR COLOR?
Dark brown, with lighter brown roots. Need to dye my hair again, and soon.
86. EYE COLOR?
Brown. Someone told me hazel once, but I don't know. I look through them, not at them.
87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
Yup, and also contact lenses, when I can be bothered with the effort.
88. SIBLINGS?
One older brother.
89. FAVORITE MONTH?
Um...
90. YOU LIKE SUSHI?
I like sushi, yes. What of it?
91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
The news. Before that, Identity, because John Cusack is lovely.
92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Whichever one I am completely and uninterruptedly happy on.
93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
Yup. Mostly because I always get rejected.
94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer's easier.
95. KISSES OR HUGS?
I'm not in a position to be fussy. But I miss being kissed.
96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Relationships.
97. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Um.. maybe Pilf.
98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Someone who deosn't read my blog.
99. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?
Many. Including Mao: The Untold Story, Spirit Alive: A Woman's Healing From Cult Ritual Abuse and Wasted - coming back from an addiction to starvation.
100. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
No.

A convicted rapist is back in jail, as he refuses to provide the police with an address for where he will live on release. The woman he raped was 91 at the time of the attack, and died some weeks after the attack. This occured in 1999, he was sentenced to 16 years. Served 8. I have no doubt he will bleat on about the violation of his human rights, as he already reckons the police have harrassed him (his reason for refusing to provide the address). Looks very much to me like this guy thinks he didn't do anything wrong...

I read something the other day, I think it was that old article from New Scientist (about the study in 1990 that indicated a link between pornography and sexual violence). Someone had commented that the growing universality of the internet, and the porn available through it, corresponded with a drop in reported rapes and sexual assaults. I'm not convinced of that link; it seems to me that internet porn just serves to normalise the sexual objectification of women, and desensitizes some folks to the severity if the violence involved. So, this item, also from the BBC today, makes for an interesting read. If you think that the rise of degrading porn is something that only feminists can see, please open your mind...

[edit: on further reflection (it's 08/04/08); there might very well be a drop in the numbers of reported rapes and sexual assaults, and it might very well be related to the rise of the internet. But not for the resaon that the commenter evidently assumed. The internet is normalising sexual violence by calling it pornography. It's normalising these acts to the 'consumers' - mostly men - and it's clearly filtering down into the rest of society; it's helping to normalise sexual violence to everyone. No wonder we're getting so many women who aren't even sure if their experience is rape; no wonder there's so many women who never report in the first place. They're getting the same messages that the rapists and other men are; that it's perfectly acceptable and normal to do these things to a woman. The inexorable rise of the pornification of society means that for a woman to say she was raped will soon be like trying to say that the sky isn't blue (on a rainy day, it's not). And I know I'm not overstating it. I recently attended a seminar (as part of my RC training) on pornography which made use of images that are freely available on the internet. You do not have to go looking for it. Domination and degradation seem to be the big sellers; women are not women; they're bitches, whores, sluts. Not even human, just a series of holes to be filled. The silicone sex dolls that I wrote about (with the 400% stretch on their nipples) are treated with more respect, because the users will lose their deposit otherwise. One site even offered what was basically incest porn. 'Fathers' and 'daughters', one hopes that it's really just young women and older men, not actual relatives. That particular one is wrong in so many different ways, I'm not sure I can list them. My stomach is too unsettled. Child abuse is enough of a problem without fetishising and normalising it. So, reports probably have dropped, and due in some part to the internet. But I'd be willing to bet that actual rapes and assaults have almost certainly risen.]

The list is below. Copy it and . . . Bold those you’ve read. Italicise books you have started but couldn’t finish. Add an asterisk* to those you have read more than once. Underline those on your *should read* list.

Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi: A Novel*
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
A Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the Fates of Human Societies
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler’s Wife (I was given a copy, but I can't seem to bring myself to finish it as I'm dreading yet another happy ending.)
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius (it fell by the wayside because I was reading about 6 other books at the same time.)
Atlas Shrugged (from what I understand of Ayn Rand, I'm not sure I want to even bother)
Reading Lolita in Tehran
Memoirs of a Geisha* (it's one of my favourites, like a comfortable pair of cozy slippers)
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales
The Historian
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault’s Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible
1984
Angels & Demons
The Inferno
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
Gulliver’s Travels
Les Misérables
The Corrections
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela’s Ashes
The God of Small Things (bought it recently, but have yet to start it)
A People’s History of the United States: 1492-Present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything*
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaughterhouse-Five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves*
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake
Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
The Aeneid (it was our chosen text in Higher Latin)
Watership Down
Gravity’s Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield
The Three Musketeers

I haven't read a lot of these because I've been busy reading other things. Though I will look out Mum's old Jane Austen boxset and work my way through it, I've been meaning to for aaaages. And after watching a dramatisation of Madame Bovary, I'm after a copy of that too.

To the one person I know will never read this.

I don’t want to fight, every single night. Everything I want is in your eyes. You and me go back, to places I don’t know to care. The spoils of all I got were left for scraps.

Don’t let me say this, but you’re no worse than me. It’s crazy.

I want to be there when you’re happy, I want to love you when you’re sad. Can’t stand the morning rain? Get out, I'll take your place then. Sleep will not come to this tired body, peace will not come to this lonely heart. There are some things I'll live without, but I want you to know that I need you right now. Inside, where it's warm... wrap myself in you. Outside, where I'm torn, I fight myself in two.

And it's a chance I'll have to take, it's a chance I'll have to break. I wish I could fly. I wish I could lie. I will try. I will, I will.

Goodbye



With apologies to William P. Corgan

I had trouble sleeping last night; the wind was so loud, and I had a few things going round in my head. Something made me think about flowers, it might have been that meme that asked what my favourites were. Anyway. I also really like Livingston daisies, and I have a reason for it. For my 6th birthday, my Mum threw a party for me. She invited all my friends from school and the neighbourhood, and baked me a cake. I can't remember anything about the party, other than when Mum turned the cake out of the tin, it crumbled a bit. It's something I tease her about occasionally; my grandfather and uncles on her side are/were all bakers by profession. Anyway. To decorate it, she put plastic Livingston daisies on the top. I think I licked the icing off them. Well, I was the birthday girl, it was my perogative.

Seeing as I'm super-unlikely to get married, and you two are way more likely to than anyone else I know, can you do me a favour?

Inspired by this...


Can you do this as your first dance, please?


Well, Pilf can already do it, you see.

It's funny what can get to you, unexpectedly.

I was just on Facebook, doing nothing much of anything, catching up on groups and stuff. In one, someone had posted a link to a group called "I hate feminists". Nothing I've not seen before, but there was just one discussion board topic. A woman had posted that she enjoyed her assault. "I did. So what." And one response to that from some guy "You'd love me, then."

I cannot understand why someone would enjoy being raped. I can understand why some people enjoy rough sex, and being dominated and so on. If someone can explain to me how someone would enjoy it, I would very much like to understand. I doubt I'd ever agree that it could be an enjoyable thing, but at least I could understand the point of view. As it is, I feel quite distressed. I'm still in the process of coming to terms with having been raped, so that was extremely unsettling. I feel kind of sick, too.

From The Times, concerning pants.

From DNA, concerning a kid who really didn't want to go to school.

From Boing Boing, concerning a mobile phone. And to think Scots have a reputation for deep-frying anything. One can only assume that the owner was really dissatisfied with his service.

From the BBC, my future. Hopefully I won't be protesting this war when I'm 78, but you never know.

Lastly, another item from the BBC. Why is it reported the way it has been, and not, for example, '3 die in accident'? The gender and ages of the occupants of the other car aren't mentioned. And, in no way do I mean to diminish the tragedy or loss of these people, why is this crash described (by a police officer) as "particularly distressing that it involves three people, a female driver and two children."? Would it be less distressing if there had only been one death? If the victims were male? Would it have been more distressing if there was 5 victims? I somehow doubt that these things would make much of a difference to the families of those involved, especially those who have just been bereved. I would almost put money on there being someone out there who's made some comment about women drivers, except the odds would be so short I'd be giving my money away.

Ms. Grumpypants because... well, I just am. I'm waiting for something that I know isn't coming, no matter how badly I want it. In addition, I've just heard a song and I couldn't download it. To add insult to injury, I had to go to myspace. I can suck it up and get on with things when I don't get what I want in life, but when it comes to not getting the music I want?

Here's the meme. Turns out it's pretty similar to one from the other day.

1. If money were no object, what would you be doing with your life?
Voluntary work.

2. Money is just that - an object, so why aren't you doing it?
Well, 2 things; I am doing it, and I need to get somewhere to live and pay for things.


3. What's better: horses or cows?
Cows. Not that I dislike horses, I just prefer cows.

4. What do you think the secret to happiness is?
Seeing that happiness reflected back at you in others.

5. When was the last time you had a dream that you either remember well or did not want to awake from? Can you share a bit?
I have already... but anyway, I was kissing the guy who I can't stop thinking about. More importantly, he was kissing me.

6. When you were a little kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A ballet dancer. That's the only one I can remember. And that was for all of about 20 minutes. I was a stout child. Not fat, but certainly not thin.

7. Complete this statement: Love is...
Beyond me, and getting further away.

8. Can you tell a good story? (write one!)
Sometimes, but it takes aaaaages. And I always get interrupted, so I'm not very good at finishing.

9. Can you remember your last daydream? What was it about?
It was very similar to the dream I mentioned.

10. If you were to thank someone today, who would you thank?
Melissa McEwan.

This is seriously, seriously offensive. I read about these dolls in Marie Claire a couple of years ago, and vividly recall thinking there was something really sinister (left-handed? Anyway, you know what I mean) about them then. This site is making my skin crawl and, I'm being deadly serious, makes me feel more than a little bit sick. Do not click on the link if you've a delicate constitution. It's also NSFW.

"Q: When and how do the extra charges like "Loss and Damage Policy Fees" or "Clean-Up Fee" apply and how much are they?
A: Hopefully such circumstances never occur. However, if we are forced to apply such fees they will be applied in the following cases: fingernail marks, bite marks, and cuts made with a knife or other bladed instrument; burn marks; liquid other than lotion; excessive bending of the doll’s joints; dirty or torn clothing; a dirty head; semen anywhere on the doll's surface or her entries, handcuff marks."

I didn't bold any of the above, the people renting this doll out did. Fun fact: the doll's nipples will safely stretch by 400%. How life-like. I'm not about to try, but I'm pretty sure mine don't.

Also, icky. I wouldn't rent out my Rabbit, let's just put it that way.

For a bit more insight to these dolls, watch the documentary provided in this link. I've just finished watching it, and am still processing it. What happened to these men that they can't form relationships with real people? The hang-gliding guy who described himself as a 'superhero' and seemed to think that doing that should have him beating off women with a shitty stick, all because he hang-glides? I can't help but feel he has a strange attitude to women.

All in all, I'm completely creeped-out by the way they kept talking about their dolls as if they were real people, with desires and feelings and thoughts.

This article is all over the feminist blogs I read. I'm a little confused by the article's title "Changing abortion's pronoun". It has one? I guess they mean 'her' to 'his'.

Strange, isn't it? I've spent years reading about women who are bullied into having a termination they don't always want, and women who choose to have a termination only to regret it later. The media hardly blink. Now that it's men expressing these feelings, it's news-worthy? I have objections to it being deemed news-worthy anyway; I'm pro-choice through-and-through and think that it's a hard enough issue for individuals to deal with, without a bunch of sanctimonious strangers trying to make the choice for them.

Especially when one of those strangers thinks like this...

"I wouldn't have the blessings I have now," Aubert said. So in a way, he said, the two abortions may have cleared his path to future happiness.

"That's an intellectual debate I have with myself," he said. "I struggle with it."

In the end, Aubert says his moral objection to abortion always wins. If he could go back in time, he would try to save the babies.

But would his long-ago girlfriends agree? Or might they also consider the abortions a choice that set them on a better path?

Aubert looks startled. "I never really thought about it for the woman," he says slowly."

Maybe he should, before picketing another abortion clinic?

A while back, I posted a clip called The Business of Death. I couldn't tell you how I found it, it must've been linked somewhere. Anyway, the music used in it is an instumental version of a song that you might recognise the name of; Violent Sensation Descends by Violens. I got an email from Threadless, as I'm on the mailing list, and they included a link to GOOD magazine's website. So I had a nosy. I recommend having a look yourself. To quote them, it's "a magazine for people who give a damn."

And they produce stuff like this...

Mmmkay, just perusing the BBC news site... Isn't it interesting, the words journalists use? "Man has part of an ear bitten off" Doesn't that make it sound like he chose to have it done? Like the musician who "had" his violin stolen from his hotel room. I'm also slightly bemused by the notion that the reproductivity of a rape survivor somehow figures in the case in any way. I have a strong suspicion that the attack would've been as awful for her, had she had no babies or 12. I'm very pleased that she reported him and took it to court, though. And that she got justice, and that he was given a slightly longer sentence than I've been reading about recently. It's still not enough, he could well be out in 4 years or so, but it's better than it could be.



Also, this sounds... interesting. Even if it has already been done. By Robot Chicken, and I'm damned if I can find it on YouTube...

So, in lieu of the clip I want, watch this instead. As it's from the [adult swim] website, it's unlikely to be pulled due to copyright infringement.

The last formal Rape Crisis training session was this evening. The next steps are to catch up on the bits I missed while working then arrange some listen-ins and role-plays. For obvious confidentiality reasons, I'm not going to talk about it too much here. Not that you'll necessarily notice much difference, I'll still be banging away on my feminist drum, emptying the ocean with my teaspoon.

Anyway. We attempted to watch a DVD of a program that was broadcast on Channel 4 about a year ago called Consent. The basic premise is that it's a fictional rape trial, but the only actors were the people in the witness stand (i.e. the complainant, the accused and the work colleagues). The assault itself was deliberately ambiguous; they were known to each other, they'd been at a party together, there was a history of flirtation, to begin with she responded to his advances. When I say 'deliberately ambiguous', I am also taking it as read that it's still rape if she indicated she didn't want sex. So anyway, the end result is that the guy is found not guilty, but then it's shown that he did indeed rape the woman. Unfortunately, there was some technical problems so we couldn't watch it all. Apparently, the jury's deliberations were something to behold. A woman who proclaimed that it must be a false accusation because she would've fought back, had it been her. And reported immediately, instead of a few days later.

I did try to find something to link to, that might help to explain the concept and content of the show, but no dice. I did, however, find a discussion thread on some forum that seems to have run as the show was airing. Some of the initial attitudes are a bit on the Daily Male side of things, but it's refreshing to see people admit that maybe they got it wrong and they were questioning their beliefs, based on the outcome of the show. And there is still a shread of hope for humanity after all; post #113
"In York's Evening Press Paper a man waiting to go to court on rape charges has changed his plea to guilty after watching the channel 4 program consent and deciding he couldn't put his victim through the court trial. He will be sentenced at a later date - 24/1/07"

While trying to find something to corroborate the above statement, I found this. Wholly unrelated, and almost 18 years old, but interesting, nonetheless. Also, a long read.

Anyway. This, and a couple of other things, have got me thinking about my own experiences, not that they're really that similar. I may yet post about it, but as yet, that'll go into the draft slush. It would just be an amorphous blob of rambling, and I'm not sure what I would accomplish with it.

I knew about this already, having recently worked with gay sci-fi fans. That is, sci-fi fans who are gay, not fans of gay sci-fi. Though I have absolutely no doubt that they would also love gay sci-fi. But woot! Don't you just adore how The Sun evokes the terror of the Daleks by suggesting that kiddies should hide behind the sofa? Because, on the Grand Scale of Scary (of which I keep a copy on my person at all times, in case of moments like this), two men kissing, though not with tongues, is at least equal to a "powerful race bent on universal conquest and domination, utterly without pity, compassion or remorse".

Maybe the Daleks are really just the more militant arm of the gay mafia?

Thing is, I read not too long ago, that the BBC were going to broadcast edited episodes of Torchwood, to make them more suitable for a younger audience. Not having watched more than about 10 minutes of it (I think it's shit.), I couldn't really say what specifically makes it innappropriate, though I think it's sexualised content and language mostly. So. Will the BBC edit out the gay kiss in the kid-friendly episode? I don't think they should. It's just a (fairly chaste looking) kiss. Would they edit out a kiss between Captain Jack and a female character? Doubt it. I wonder how many people are frothing at the knees over this already. Sci-fi fans can be somewhat repressed...

1. How long have you been blogging?
Since August 2006, on blogger. I had a LiveJournal that I started at the end of 2003, though I deleted nearly all of it, as it was mostly pointless. Not that this is any less pointless, but it is more me. I decided to undelete the LJ as an acknowledgement of the past that I would like to change, but can't. Sidebar: I'm not that into pink, anymore.

2. What inspired you to start a blog?
All the cool kids were doing it. I used to keep diaries (and I still have them all somewhere) but Iain read them. So I decided to take it back and make it public. Or something.

3. Are you trying to make money, or just doing it for fun?
I've never really tried to 'make money', why would I do it this way? Despite an abiding fondness for certain material things, I'm not very concerned with money.

4. What are three things you struggle with online?
i - Being wholly honest. There's things I wish I could put out there, but always fail to. Not that I lie, I just omit and change the subject. (Hint: I post about feminism more when I do that. Not all the time, just a bit more.)
ii - Getting my point across. I'm never absolutly sure that I've used the right words, or been clear enough.
iii - The sheer amount of bollocks and utter bullshittery that's swallowed whole because it's presented as 'fact'.

5. What are three things you love about being online?
i - Finding new friends.
ii - Finding that thousands of people across the world care about the same things I do.
iii - Finding new books to read, new bands to listen to, new things to think about and new perspectives on old things. And, somehow, I've always managed to avoid porn pop-ups.

6. And if you could entice someone else to start a blog, who would it be?
Um. Seth Green's funny and seems quite intelligent. I'd like to read what he has to say about stuff. Beyond that, I dunno.

1. Do you still have tonsils? Yup, complete with crypts and the evil lumps that they create.
2. Would you bungee jump? If the fate of the Universe depended on that one thing, yes. Otherwise? No, thank you.
3. If you could do anything in the world for a living what would it be? Voluntary work. Harhar, aren't I the funny? But seriously; if I won a ridonkulous amount on the Lotto, that's what I'd do.
4. How many tattoos do you have? Two, and an increasing desire for 2 more.
5. Your favorite fictional animal? Cat from Cat and Girl.
6. One person that never fails to make you laugh? It's a tie between Eddie Izzard, Ross Noble, Mike Myers and one other person who you don't know. Suffice to say, the Hendrix joke almost had apple juice coming out my eyes.
7. Do you consider yourself well organized? Yes, but not that you'd know by looking. Organizes chaos would be a good description.
8. Any addictions? Shoes, books, music. Blogging. Pretty underwear. Nothing serious. Except the blogging.
9. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? BBC online, also Channel 4. I think Jon Snow's loooovely.
10. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus? Carnival. Or, as I know them, the shows. Pure class, me.
11. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? I was 12? I don't remember. Maybe a librarian. Possibly an astronaut. Definitely grown up.
12. Best movie you've seen this year? In 2008, I've only seen The Contract. In the past 12 months, the best movies were the ones I failed to watch.
13. Favorite alcoholic drink? Jack Daniel's and lemonade.
14. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? Think 'Silverfuck'. Nah. Put on my glasses.
15. Siblings? One brother. Older than me, gay, works too much. Can DJ. Accompanies me (very happily) to comedy shows.
17. Have you ever gone to therapy? Yep. Will do again, and soon hopefully.
18. If you could have one super power what would it be? Telepathy. And I really would use my powers for Good. Not that that has to be entirely altruistic.
19. Do you own any furniture from Ikea? Yup, my wardrobe and chair
20. Have you ever gone camping? Yes, though not for years. Maybe this summer, if I can find some company?
21. Gas prices! First thought? War! Hooo-hurgh! What is it good for! Absolutely NOTHING! (channelling Sly & the Family Stone there)
22. Your favorite cartoon character? Hello Kitty, Pinkey and The Brain.
23. What was your first car? Reconditioned classic E-Type Jaguar, soft top, in black. In my mind.
24. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? No, but it's got to stop being seen as the pinnacle of 'normal'.
25. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons? The Simpsons. Though I prefer Futurama again.
26. Do you go to church? No. Bursting into flames the last time kinda put me off.
27. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? Ooh... Billy Corgan. I'd like to see his eyes in the flickering candlelight... *sigh*
28. What errand/chore do you despise? Grocery shopping. It put me right off eating.
29. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? No alarm, but "What time is it?"
30. Last time you puked from drinking? In the past summer, after mixing my drinks, on an empty stomach, with Chris.
31. What is your heritage? Scottish. I don't know very far back.
32. Favourite flower? Sunflower or orange blossom.
33. Disney or Warner Bros? Warner Bros. Especially the Animaniacs. Even if the big Mouse now owns the Muppets.
34. What is your best childhood memory? The only thing I can remember just now is walking under a canopy outside FineFare in Barrhead with my Dad one Sunday morning, and a massive pile of snow falling just after we passed under it. FineFare became Gateway became Tesco's. I would've been about 4 at the time.
35. Your favorite potato chip? I've yet to meet on I don't like, though I especially enjoy Salt and Vinegar Squares. They're great in a sandwich.
36. What is your favorite candy? Reece's Peanut Butter Cups.
37. Do you burn or tan? Burn, baby. Burn.
38. Astrological sign? Aquarius.
39. Do you own a gun? Nope. It wouldn't be illegal but I don't see the point. I object to what they are used for.
40. What do you think of hot dogs? Not a meat product I choose to eat, though I can kind of understand why folks do. Is that good enough?

So... I've been having some vivid dreams lately. (This is your cue to stop reading; other peoples' dreams are singularly the most boring thing to read about.)

Within the past few weeks, I've dreamt at least twice that someone was trying to kill me. Very specifically, with a knife. In the first dream, they stabbed me at the top of my right thigh. I think it was in a club or something, because there was a lot of people round, and it was dark. The other night, some unknown was chasing me, with a knife. There was something significant about phones. I kissed the person in my heart, in a polite and chaste way. There was a fleeting second of eye contact, then we kissed again, properly. I've a feeling I was in my dressing gown.

Last night, I dreamt that I visited the Lush that I used to work in, and it was shit. Not enough stock, the place looked shabby, staff more into cleaning the shelves than anything else.

In a bizarre twist of fate, on Friday just past, I got an email from FaceBook, telling me that someone had added me as their friend. Who should it be, but the boy who wanted my job in Lush so badly that he had no problem retelling several events to the manager (who also believed them without engaging her brain, such as it was). I was almost tempted to send him a message, asking him why he had done what he had, but nah. If he was seeking some kind of forgiveness, he'll have to do better than that. If he wasn't, then I certainly don't want to know.

Fill this out in comments, if you're so inclined.
1. Name: Depresso (I particularly like Meghan's spelling, it's the best EVARrrr)
2. Date of birth: February 16th, 1979
3. Where do you live: in my parent's spare room, far enough away from Glasgow that the public transport links are sparse, at best.
4. What makes you happy: music, pretty shoes in my size, my friends, blowing raspberries on a certain person's stomach, being able to blow raspberries on that person's stomach.
5. Currently listening/the last thing you listened to: SonicStage on shuffle. Can't remember what exactly.
6. Do you read my journal?: no, I randomly Googled for a meme, I don't know you from Batman. Also, you had ads on your blog, which makes me less inclined to become a regular reader.
7. If yes, what makes it especially good or bad: no, but the ads.
8. An interesting fact about you: My fingers bend further back than normal, to almost right-angles to the back of my hand, with no assistance. I gather that's quite unusual, and painful to do to most folks.
9. Are you in love/do you have a crush at the moment: yes. To which, I'm unsure and would rather not say.
10. Favourite place to spend time: on the interwebs. Read some blogs, bid on shoes, buy a random book from Amazon Marketplace. All in the comfort of my own bed.
11. Favourite lyric: argh, too many to choose from... Turn My Way is a regualr favourite.
12. The best time of the year: the happy times.
RECOMMEND
1. A film: Clue. Not necessarily the best film in the world (far from it, in fact) but it's entertaining and reminds me of being 8.
2. A book: Kill the Princess by Stephanie Vermeulen. Haven't read it yet, but I ordered it very recently.
3. A band, a song, an album: The Vulcan Freedom Fighters, Ghostwriter by RJD2, Volume 1 by Fear of Pop.
PLUS
1. One thing you like about me: you provided me with a fresh, uncharted meme.
2. Two things you like about yourself: I'm quite capable of overcoming most challenges; I'm stronger than most people might realise. Not physically stronger. I have the upper-body strength of a dying amoeba.
3. Look at my friends-list and tell what you like about one of our mutual friends: we have no mutual friends, my dear.
4. Put this in your journal so that I can tell you what I like about you. Alas, this will never be. You don't know me and I'll never be able to tell you that this is in my blog, as I've already forgotten your url.

As previously mentioned, my main gift to my Mum at Christmas was a flash-drive Walkman. Mum's technological abilities are somewhat lacking (luddite may well be the word), so I'm doing all the leg work in getting it up and running so she can get out and go running with it.

In addition to forgetting the foibles, quirks, kinks and inanities of SonicStage, I also forgot about my own squinkinessess. As a depressive, I occasionally exhibit perfectionism. Not all the time, and I've certainly improved on how I used to be, but not when it comes to my digital library.

I've just spent the better part of 3 hours chasing after Character Map (which mysteriously *coughDadcough* vanished from the computer, along with my gmail notifier and emusic downloader, while I was away) so I could spell Dvořàk correctly. To find that SonicStage doesn't support all diacritics. I still feel a little uncomfortable to think that it's sitting there, slightly incorrect.

This is not the result of feminism, it's the result of the backlash against feminism and how it's successfully be repackaged to fool women (and some men) into thinking that it's freedom. This is why feminism is still as relevant as, if not more than, it was 30 years ago. We still have the same battles that we have been fighting for more than 30 years, and now we have this to contend with.

And, in a veritable collision of feminism and politics (don't think about it too much as a concept, it'll give you the stabbys above your right eye) there's this. Isn't it wonderful that, at the dawn of 2008, when we can send people to the moon and back (and choose not to for 40 years), a woman can run for president alongside a black man and be taken seriously by all quarters and not attacked for her gender and... Pardon me? What's that?... Sorry?..... You mean, it's not....? Oh. Oh. Well, then.

Remember I was saying yesterday about how GBV is treated so dismissively in the courts? I don't have a source to link I'm afraid*, just a big ol' copy + paste. I'll try to highlight the bits that leave me speechless, see if I can leave any of it unbolded or underlined. It'll look like a shit essay probably...

"A senior doctor who savagely beat up his wife after they argued about buying a new car has escaped a prison sentence. Anaesthetics consultant Stuart Brown, 37, threw his wife to the floor and punched her at least 24 times as she lay at his feet. He claimed a "red mist" descended after she went to sleep in the spare bedroom.
The vicious assault on Carol McEwan followed regular verbal and physical abuse during their seven-year marriage. But Brown, 37, who is thought to earn £100,000 a year, walked free from court after being ordered to pay her just £500 in compensation. Magistrates decided against jailing him because he had no prior convictions and was of previous "good character". Presiding magistrate John Warne told him: "No punishment this court could enforce could come anywhere near the impact you feel this had on you, your profession and your colleagues." [The only thing I can think here is O RLY??]
The case was heard in the same week a management consultant was fined just £2,000 after branding his wife with an iron because she had not pressed his shirt.

Women's Aid yesterday expressed concern that two cases involving lenient sentences should occur within days of each other. Spokeswoman Judith Stephenson said: "These cases are shocking and demonstrate how a man who causes his partner extreme emotional and physical harm can still go almost unpunished. It is vital that the courts give out the message that domestic violence is not acceptable."

Prosecutor Rachael Tucker told Norwich Magistrates Court: "'In the days leading up to the latest incident they had an argument over buying a new car. The relationship remained tense for several days. On the night of the attack she had gone to bed early as she needed to get up early the next day. When Mr Brown came to bed she attempted to move to the spare room so that she could get some sleep. That is when he became abusive." Brown followed his wife and began punching her as she lay in bed before dragging her to the floor and hitting her in the ribs "at least a couple of dozen times". In a statement, Miss McEwan said her husband's eyes were bulging and his face was "ugly and full of anger". He fled their house in Norwich after she managed to crawl to a phone and dial 999. Brown, who is now living in nearby Wymondham, later told police "a red mist descended and I lost control". [And yet the red mist allowed for enough sensible thought for him to run away immediately after she managed to call the police. How convenient.]

He was also given a 24-month supervision order and ordered to complete a domestic abuse programme after admitting assault by beating on July 25.

He is still working at the Norfolk and Norwich University Hospital, in Norwich, which has refused to comment on the case. The General Medical Council will now hold a disciplinary hearing Brown could be suspended or struck off.

Detective Sergeant Ian Fox, of Norfolk police, said: "This shows that domestic violence knows no class boundaries and can affect people from all walks of life."
A force insider added: "The sentence does not send a warning to abusive partners. Being of otherwise good character is no excuse for domestic abuse."

Cambridge graduate Colin Read, 25, was fined on Monday for using the iron on his wife, medical student Elizabeth, also 25. He also slashed her with a knife after she forgot to make his sandwiches.

Read was even spared a community punishment because the judge ruled he was unlikely to reoffend and he was "too busy" to complete any order."

This came from the England and Wales Rape Crisis FaceBook group, of which I'm not a member.

Oh, and I made up a playlist of music of a feminist bent. Called it Cunt Rock, even though it's not all rock. I thought my Phavourites playlist was long at 630 tracks, this one is 1120. Roughly 1/5 of my current library...


*found a link to the story. The comments are quite heartening, for a change. There is one person (male, if the name's anything to go by) who asserts that people might feel differently, had they been in court and heard all the evidence. Yes, they might do. After looking at the photos of the inflicted injuries, hearing his rather pathetic excuses and so on, I would hazard a guess that people would be even more outraged than they currently are. With regards to the other case that was mentioned (the 'man' who attacked his wife with an iron), a little Googling brought me the Daily Male's report (try to mentally edit out the hyperbole and emotive language, it's even more unnecessary with a story like this) and I was pleased (and a little surprised) that all the comments were more or less sensible, if a little quick in places to blame New Labour. The insistence on calling Ms. Axe by her married name though, that's a little grating. And how can a person (to refer to him as a man really doesn't sit right) with that colour of hair be "too busy" for anything?

What does the next year have in store for me?
In A Manner Of Speaking - Nouvelle Vague
Huh? Lots of working out what people really mean?

What’s my love life like?
Live At Dominoes - The Avalanches
*the sound of hysterical laughter echoing through a lonely bedroom*

What do I say when life gets hard?
Hanging On - Manic Street Preachers
Actually, this isn't to far off. I've made it this far, haven't I? Why not hang on (to nothing) a bit more, see what's next?

What do I think of upon waking up?
Silverfuck - Smashing Pumpkins
... well, now I will.

What song will I dance to at my wedding?
Mickey - Toni Basil
I'm starting to look forward to this wedding I'm apparently going to have. This and Monster (L7)? I'll be the last to leave.

What do I want as a career?
The Walk [Everything Mix] - The Cure
Is this a way to say 'dunno'? Or perhaps, I want a career that means everything to me, that matters, that's clearly not retail. Watch this space; according to the cards this is what becoming the spear will be all about.

My favorite saying?
Future Lover - Madonna
Er?

Favorite place?
Thick Of It All - Porno For Pyros
Heh. No wonder I do so well in my current environment.

What do I think of my parents?
Like A Stone - Audioslave
Make of that what you will...

What’s my porn star name?
You Think I Ain't Worth A Dollar But I Feel Like A Millionaire - Queens Of The Stone Age
First star that requires a double-wide DVD box. And I think I'd insist on my name being used in the dialogue.

Where would I go on a first date?
Blast [Out Of Space Dub] - The Ones
Eh?

Drug of choice?
Only Happy When It Rains - Richard Cheese
Yep, anti-depressants. It's a tough life, but someone's gotta do it.

Describe myself.
Exo-Politics - Muse
Huuurr?

What is the thing I like doing most?
Music In Fifths - Bang On A Can
Are we talking like fifths of Jack Daniel's here? I can work with that.

What is my state of mind like at the moment?
Neptune City [Two Lone Swordsmen Remix] - Death In Vegas
A bit watery? I can't recall what the planet relates to, astrologically.

How will I die?
King Z - Perry Farrell
Sounds good. I think.

Have a link. After my despair of humanity, it lessens the pain.

Cuz, as long as there's posts like this on the Interwebs...
The first comment is equally amusing.

So I occasionally ask for music recommendations, and I've yet to get one. C'mon, my peeps, you can do better than this! Don't worry if you think your suggestion is lame or crappy or uncool. I've just finished putting together my current incarnation of the Phavourites which includes Frank Sinatra, Steps, Doris Day, Limp Bizkit, Barry Manilow (Copa Cobana and Mandy) amongst others. Also, artists who are widely accepted as cool.

And I've just finished my Irished coffee, now for the Bailey's with milk...

I'm technically not out my bed yet, and a cursory glance at the BBC news site makes me want to get back in and pull the covers over my head until humanity is all gone. Why such despair? Read it, as they say, and weep.

This man, who admitted rape, a crime serious enough to warrant a higher court than usual, trial by a jury of ones peers, who was found guilty of attempted rape and abduction, was put in an open prison?? To quote Wikipedia: "Category D prisoners are those who can be trusted not to try and escape, and are given the privilege of an open prison. Prisoners at 'D Cat' (as it is commonly known) prisons, are, subject to approval, given ROTL (Release On Temporary Licence) to work in the community or to go on 'home leave' once they have passed their FLED (Full Licence Eligibility Dates), which is usually a quarter of the way through the sentence."

While at liberty, "Police said Adam Mark "presents a risk to the public" and warned people not to approach him."

Why in 7 circles of hell was he put in an open prison? Frustratingly, I can't seem to find any news reports from when he was on trial. He commited his crimes "in the 1990s" which might make it a bit awkward to find anything on the Internets, but he could've been tried almost any time after that, such is the speed of the judiciary.

I'm going to go make coffee. And maybe make it Irish, see if that helps with the way the day's going...

Total volume of music files on my computer:

Approx 15GB and counting. Most of it's in ATRAC format, so slightly more compressed than it would be in mp3 format. At least, that's what Sony say.

The last CD I bought was:

Technically, B-Sides and Rarities by Cake. I ordered it in the midst of the SonicStage faffling last night. The newest CDs that I have close to hand are the spoils of my pilgrimage to Groucho's: The Puppini Sisters - Betcha Bottom Dollar and The Rise and Fall of Ruby Woo; I Monster - Neveroddoreven; Nine Inch Nails - With Teeth; Gorillaz - D-Sides; Depeche Mode - The Singles 86>98; The Cure - The Cure; Weezer - Maladroit and Make Believe; David Bowie - Best of Bowie and Mint Royale - Pop Is... I also returned home to find Sia - Colour The Small One and Dawn Of The Replicants - The Extra Room had arrived while I was away.

Song playing right now:

Daphne Descends - Smashing Pumpkins. I could say so much about it, but I'm not gonna. Except, thanks Billy, I know already.

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:

Turn My Way - New Order
7 Shades of Black - Smashing Pumpkins
Sunday - Sia
Watching Cars Go By - Felix da Housecat
2 Hearts - Kylie Minogue

Just songs I've listened to a lot lately, no special meaning has to be attached.

Five people to whom I’m passing the baton:

I'll let yous tag yourselves, I'd hate for anyone to feel obligated.

If courts in Amsterdam (Amsterdam!) are clamping down on brothels, what will that translate into elsewhere?

And why does physical perfection equate to being impossibly thin, with big breasts and white teeth? Further to this one, when did love handles become an unbelievably thin layer of fat on the upper thigh? Last time I looked, they were just above the hip...

And this article isn't all that new. Once you've read it, read this, then go back and read the news item again. Of the 107 'people' questioned in Austria, how many were male? How many were female?

Recently, I've had an unusual visitor. Despite living in the UK, they have been using Babelfish to read my blog. Yes, many people who are resident in Scotland don't necessarily read English. I can sort of understand why someone would want to translate French - English; La vie est belle, est elle commence demain* might be a little beyond someone's rusty high school French. But Korean - English? I'm already writing in English (or, at least something very close to it) so surely the translation is somewhat redundant?

If you are that person, I would like very much for you to make yourself known and to explain, if you can, the logic behind it.


*life is beautiful, and it starts tomorrow

So, a lot of the links I post relate to American stories. The guy who told his girlfriend to not get an abortion, but secretly administered RU-486 anyway? Somewhere in the US. I've forgotten where, sorry. I'll check. As you might have gathered, I'm Scottish, and living in Scotland. There's more American stuff on the Internets because there's far more Americans. There's more relevant stuff on the Internets about things in England, because there's more English people than Scots. I could tangent off into how most news sources are Anglocentric, but while I take pride in my Scottishness (I wouldn't be from anywhere else. 3 words; scenery, Irn Bru.) I'm not rabidly separatist. That's just silly. If you're curious; yes, I've voted SNP in the past, and I probably will again, because they have actually done things about things I care about, politically. Unlike Labour and the Tories.

Anyway. I've managed to digress. Do excuse me.

From FeministFire (I'm on the blogroll! Me! Linked! For my feminism!!) I've just read this. In mitigation, he's lost his job (Boo hoo, excuse me while I blow my nose... BLART). And been fined a total of £100. For attacking a girl who thought she might be pregnant after a one-night stand with him. After they'd broken up. Cuz, y'know, she'll always be his now. What is wrong with the judicial system (not just in England) that violence against women because they are women is treated so dismissively? I could do a Liss, and link all the news stories I can find regarding gender-based violence that have been reported in the last few days, if you like. But have you got the time to read such a long post of links?

This article isn't about GBV, but it's still relevant to the whole feminist thing. I haven't read all the comments that follow the article, mostly because they hurt my eyes and they hurt my head. My personal opinion? Kids need to know about sex before they start getting into it. If they're aware of the facts from the age of 5, it'll be totally demystified by the time they become active. They'll still do it (not at the age of 5, certainly not through choice anyway) and I've read too many times about a child who is abused and doesn't realise that it's not normal. If that makes me a left-wing loony, I'd better get the comedy hat on, eh?

It's only taken a good couple of hours, but I've sorted out the problem with SonicStage. In the end, I uninstalled it entirely, then reinstalled it. I'm ripping Colour The Small One by Sia as we speak. Type. Read. Oh, you know what I mean.

One thing and another, today has been quite successful. The stuff that I wanted from La Senza was still there, I've mentioned the visit to Groucho's, the bus arrived pretty much on time in Glasgow, Borders have the new copy of Bitch (though I've yet to see it in the same place twice). The only thing I could gripe about is that I just missed a train. While waiting for the next one, I glanced up from Bitch to see someone I haven't seen for a while go by. As I was in my winter coat and the hat Lesley insisted I borrow (who'da thunk orange and grey could look good on me?), I was pretty unrecognisable, especially from behind.

When I did get on the train, I think a few people were dissuaded from reading over my shoulder by the full-page ad for sex toys...

Could someone please explain why I thought it would be a good idea to give Mum a Sony Walkman (S-series) for her Christmas? SonicStage is having a problem importing new tracks to the library, but it's not telling what the actual problem is, just "please try again".

Not only do I have to get this fixed, so Mum can use her pink 2gig wonder, I have a ton of CDs to rip. As I planned yesterday, I went to Groucho's before leaving Dundee and had a very fruitful (and speedy) look through Rock & Pop A-Z. Many years ago, I used to visit Groucho's and be quietly amazed that people could flick through the CD racks so quickly. Today, I was one of those people.

Sidebar: why do some people write Like This On The Internets? Is It An Automatic Habit, To Hold Down Shift At The Start Of Every Word? Do They Have Some Kind Of Special Keyboard That Automatically Capitalises After Each Press Of The Space Bar? Disconcerting, isn't it?

This will mean fuck all to most of my regular readers, but I saw a bit of Cold Blood on ITV earlier. Most of it went over my head, as it was the final part. However, I was stunned to learn that the evil crazy psycho character was played, very well, by Matthew Kelly. As in, "tonight Matthew, I will be..."

Stunnned, as I say.

-----

The not-buying-anymore-books-until-I've-read-at-least-half-of-the-ones-I've-already-got notion died a death before I even made it. While out and about earlier, I bought a copy of Mao: The Untold Story in a charity shop. Between that and my previous entry, I forgot all about it. Hung for a sheep as for a lamb; I'll go and get The Secret History by Donna Tartt tomorrow, if it's still there.

-----

As I like to do things in threes, one last piece of my ephemera for you; I've sort of started smoking again. It won't last beyond the next few days and then I won't even think about it for months. But right now... I like it. Sorry, Pilf, I know you're probably still in the horrors of quitting. Hey ho. It's something to do, I guess. And it makes it easier to be in a smoky environment.

Anyway, I have cold toes so will go to bed now. Maybe I'll have another dream that will warm them a bit, much as I did last night. It makes waking even less welcome than usual, trust me.

Specially for JL, here's a link... I've not read it properly myself yet, just skimmed over it, but it's interesting, and thought-provoking at the very least. And I don't agree with everything she says. Restricting 'extreme' pornography to the over-18s? Pile of bollocks.

For those of you who may wonder what the point or relevance of feminism in 2008, have this.

Lastly, for those of you who are already feminist, but are still essentially female and want to move through the world at large, have this. Because you can be feminist and still love shoes and pretty things.

Still not got much to say, but I'll still manage to find 400 words about it...

I'm going back home soon. Don't know exact times or anything as yet, but I've been in contact with my Mum and, as the snow fell outside, there was a distinct thawing of familial relations. Besides trying to mend fences (and erect new ones as required), I need to finish transferring stuff to Evadnie. And rip those 2 CDs. And, as I'm planning a brief expedition to Groucho's tomorrow, I'll likely end up with at least half a dozen more CDs to rip. I can't help it, I must take every opportunity to fulfil my resolutions. I'm fed up with making promises to myself that I never keep (I also have the willpower of... um... something extremely weak-willed) so here's my plans for the upcoming year:

1. Buy all the CDs on my Amazon Wishlist, and any others I see that I want. Further to this, I won't pass up any opportunity to go to a 2nd hand record shop, unless I have an extremely good reason not to. Like, I'm temporarily dead.
2. Buy more shoes.
3. Read the small hillock of books that I have, and attempt to avoid buying any more until I'm at least half-way through what's there.
4. Get the tattoos I'm planning.
5. Give Sally a real, live hug. Not because she necessarily needs one, but because it's only polite to greet a good friend that you've never actually met in an appropriate way.

See? No more excuses to give myself a hard time over something that didn't mean that much to me in the first place.

I haven't much to say about myself just now; things are quiet and peaceful. I've picked a great time of year to decide that I must change certain things (literally; when better than the start of a fresh year? and drolly; most everyone that I need to get in touch with, to arrange a home of my own and stuff, is still on holiday) and I'm now waiting for the rest of the universe to catch up with my will.

But I had very unexpected news that feels like an auger of what's to come. The seller of the gorgeous shoes messaged me to say that they are mine, she'll hang on to them for me. Like with so many things, you have to let go of them to see if they really are yours.

I'm not going to subscribe to match.com. For a couple of reasons. OK, one. There is one person that I want to have that kind of relationship with. If it's not that person, I'm not all that interested otherwise. I don't need to be with someone, and to be unspecific about it. I'm not scared of being alone, not really. I would like to be with this person, very, very much. I liked just being with him. The person that he is and all that goes with it. I miss him. I think about him all the time. Well, not all the time. And so many things remind me of him. I don't seek them out. All I really know is that, in a year that was really very miserable and full of a lot of painful things, I was happy with him. The kind of happiness that is rare and fleeting, that seems so hard to find sometimes. And it didn't feel so hard to find, with him. I have no idea how to fix the situation, but I would be foolish to just walk away, right? I also have no idea how he feels about me. Maybe this is all just a mad folly, but, like with a few other things, the only way out is through.

To go all Nina Simone-y, it's a new dawn, a new day, a new year. And I'm feeling better. Not sure if it's good, yet, but it's still light-years better than I have been lately. For all that I have a very strong streak of self-destructivness, I have a far bigger sense of self-preservation.

Over the last day and a bit (which feels like a lot longer) I've gotten the last bus to Dundee, which also demonstrated just how good friends Lesley and Al are; they stayed up 'til 1am to get me. Then Lesley and I stayed up until about 5am, even though she had to be up the next morning. I'm not sure what's going to happen over the next little while; I'm getting back in touch with work to see where things are in a few days, and my connection with Rape Crisis is showing itself to be even more than I had previously thought it was, if that makes sense. I phoned the office, because I've to arrange a couple of listen-in sessions, but wanted to let them know that things had gone a bit kerflooey and that, while I'm still as committed as ever, it's going to be a little difficult just now. I've to get back in touch in a few days, they can help me to access the support I'm going to need; accomodation and counselling. Sometimes, everything has to fall apart to be put back together in a new way.

Lesley read my cards last night. This year, I'm going to be take myself from being a stone to being a spear, by way of being a sword. It makes sense to me, so just smile and nod if it doesn't to you.

Finally, back to the numerology for a second. I've mentioned previously that this year is a 1 year for me; beginnings and starts and all that stuff. It occured to me, a little belatedly (about 3am today) that it's a 1 year for everyone, to some extent. 2+0+0+8=10, 1+0=1. I hope you all feel as positive about what's to come as I do just now.