Was going to post something approaching lucid, then read this. I think my brain's dripping out my nose now...

Donkey Sanctuary: £20m in a year to look after some of 12,000 donkeys (the wording implies that there isn't currently 12,000 donkeys there right now).

Refuge, the Woman's Aid Federation and Eaves Housing for Women: £17m to help and support 7,000,000 (that is 7 million, right? I always get confused with the zeros) women a year.

The report in the Guardian goes on to say that

the 200 largest charities which provide services for abused women or campaign to prevent abuse have a combined annual income of £97m. That compares with £110m for the RSPCA, £149m for the Royal National Lifeboat Institute and £83m for the Royal Opera House.

[emphasis mine]

Oooh, a happy rape-related link to share with the world! And it involves shoes! Look at all the !!!'s!

Things are still quiet. I'm trying to tidy my room, but it's slow going. Mostly because I keep getting distracted.




It's actually a performance from just before I saw them, but they performed this song (My Blue Heaven) in Glasgow, too. It was even more awesome with Billy 15ft away!

Like, say, a recent post I wrote that shambolically shed light on what I think about sex and gender? However, I merely dream of being so funny as this...

Subject line: girl friend

would you go out with me?

Dear Friend,

You intrigue me. What IS gender? It's more than anatomy; it's an aura. As manly as my chest-pillow is, as strong as the wands of testosterone known as my arms might be, I do sometimes feel like my soul is splayed open like a hot-dog bun waiting for its cylindrical meat cargo. Does that make me a girl? A boy? A man? All? Who can say. Let's go for coffee and discuss over cheese danish -- you to your favorite haunt, me to mine, together yet apart. We'll have to go dutch on the check, but not on the insights.

You latte my life,

G

[From the desk of Intern George at Go Fug Yourself]

There's so many things in this report that make me die inside, I don't know quite where to begin. But instead of relying on you clicking on the link to understand the context, allow me to demonstrate my rudimentary computering skills...

The report said Miss A had been failed by the criminal justice system

A woman with a learning disability who was sexually assaulted has been denied justice because she was not judged a reliable witness, a report has said.

The Mental Welfare Commission investigated the case of the 67-year-old woman known as "Miss A".

She was sexually assaulted by five men over the past decade - none of whom have ever been prosecuted, despite the attacks being reported to police.

The commission fears the case of Miss A may not be an isolated example.

Between 1999 to 2006, Miss A was believed to have been subjected to no fewer than 12 incidents of rape, attempted rape and serious sexual assault.

These apparent failings mean that no-one has been prosecuted for alleged offences against Miss A Mental Welfare Commission report

Four of these incidents, all of which were reported to the police and the fiscal, involved one man.

In its report, the commission said that the services responsible for Miss A had been unable to protect her from the attacks.

The report stated: "These assaults had taken place over a prolonged period of time by several individuals who were known to Miss A.

"We also found that, in combination with those of health and social care services, the responses of the criminal justice system had effectively denied Miss A access to the criminal justice system.

"These apparent failings mean that no-one has been prosecuted for alleged offences against Miss A.

"Those who pose a known risk to her safety remain at large within her community, while Miss A continues to endure a protective regime that effectively deprives her of much of her liberty."

'Share information'

The report said the assessment which concluded Miss A would be unable to give reliable evidence was not informed by the professionals who knew her best.

"We think that the assessment of Miss A's capacity to be a reliable witness was far too complex an issue to have been undertaken without the involvement of those who were closely involved in her ongoing care," the report added.

"There is also no clear evidence that professionals had considered how support and preparation might have helped Miss A to act as a witness."

Donald Lyons, director of the Mental Welfare Commission, said the report raised a "number of concerns".

He told BBC Radio's Good Morning Scotland: "This woman is a prisoner in her own house and it is her liberty that has been declined as a result of all this.

"We think that her ability to give evidence in court was underestimated, and even before then there were failings by the health and social work services to share information, protect her, to keep her safe."

Can it possibly be right that she is subjected to that degree of deprivation of liberty when she is the victim here? Donald Lyons Mental Welfare Commission

Mr Lyons said the commission believed the woman could have given reliable evidence in court.

"Ultimately it may be that even though Scotland has some excellent laws in this area, the law is not good enough to give this lady access to justice that the UN Convention on the rights of the disabled person requires," he added.

"Can it possibly be right that she is subjected to that degree of deprivation of liberty when she is the victim here?"

In response to the report, the Scottish Government said that the recommendations would be considered to ensure that the justice system continued to improve the protection and support of people with learning disabilities.

A Crown Office spokesman said: "We need to take the advice of experts and in this case we took the advice of the foremost recognised experts in Scotland, who knew Miss A and her circumstances and needs.

"The advice received was that Miss A would not be a reliable witness."

[italic emphasis mine]

If you need me to lead you by the nose through everything that's wrong here... Well, give me time to gather my thoughts and resusitate the dead bits first.

I've been reading various feminist blogs and the like recently. You might have noticed. Now, I have been feminist for a very long time, but it wasn't until I started the training at Rape Crisis last September that everything fell into place, politically, am I specifically identified as a feminist. So I guess I'm a bit late to the party on a few things, but as the party seems far from over, allow me to take off my coat and hand over my warm bottle of cheap wine...

It feels that just recently, there's been a bit of debate on the interwebnets about transgendered feminists. The exact nature of the debates and arguements, I'm not absolutely certain of. But I can describe my own beliefs about gender. In one sentence, as it happens (which is fantastically rare for me!). I have never believed that the shape of one's body is that important. Personally, I feel that I somehow identify with really camp gay men at times. I'm perfectly comfortable having a female body (and quite like it at times) but I sometimes seem to have qualities that would traditionally be considered unfeminine. While nearly all my relationships have been hetero (and I've never slept with a woman), I'm absolutely open to my soulmate being female. It feels like the logical conclusion from 'looks don't count, it's the personality' stuff that pretty much everyone trots out at some point or another in their romantic life. Maybe it sounds twee, but I really do prefer to assess people on their individual qualities. Who am I to judge? The only life experience I know is my own, and I certainly wouldn't want to be judged on the basis of past events I've been through. (At the same time, if you're going to judge me because I'm depressed, or have been an abused partner, or attempted suicide, or am a self-harmer, or because I'm wearing a purple dress with blue tights, make yourself known! It's always good to know who to not waste any of my time on!)

Hmmm. I seem to have meandered off into a dangerously preachy-sounding place.

Anyway. Transfeminism. I think what I'm trying to say is that, if the person on the inside is female and identifies as a feminist, then it's good enough for me. I know that other feminists have different opinions, as is their right to. Like I said, everyone's experience is different. Is that a cop-out? I guess the most important thing to me, as a feminist, is that no-one should be discriminated against, especially for something that isn't a free choice.

In extremely tenuously related news: the move to lift the ban on gay male blood donors is before the Scottish Government. It's a bit out-dated, considering infection rates have been higher in heterosexual people over the last 10 years or so. I'm probably more likely to get HIV than my brother, to be extremely blunt about it.

And with that, it's time to wrap it up for now. I do like to leave things on a bit of a 'meh?' note. (I'm channelling my inner Eddie Izzard)

Well, I've been told it an awful lot recently, it must be true...

Forgive the absence, I'm not even sure what I've been doing with my time. I had wireless network problems yesterday (and a little light sabotage two nights ago) and everytime I turn the computer on, trying to marshal interesting thoughts becomes akin to nailing jelly to the wall. All the other thoughts I manage are along the theme of *sigh*. When I'm this smitten, I've the appeal and wit of beige cushion covers.

The most exciting thing I can think of: Mum sent me a text earlier, saying that I had left a badge in her car this morning. It must've fallen off my bag. I couldn't help but giggle when she gave it back to me this evening; it was the replacement for the one that blew off my bag coming out a client's house a few weeks back. And trust me, that is exciting. The best alternative that I can come up with is that I've spent all day convinced it's Tuesday, or that my fringe didn't dry funny after washing my hair earlier. Life at break-neck speed, huh?

It's recently been brought to my attention that I've been kinda neglecting my blog. Which is true. But do you really want to read about how I've been spending hours on Skype? Or that work's pretty much back to normal (though I'm finishing earlier in the evening)? One client's gone back into hospital, and I'm still a bit worried for her, but everyone else is fine and seems to be improving slowly, for the most part. I've also started doing the listen-ins at the Centre; one day we had 3 calls, the other we had none. April, the most recent VAST album, arrived today. The pain in my side has pretty much gone, and Mum's finally taking the going-veggie thing seriously, and bought a big bag of soya mince as she reckons I'm not getting enough protein.

I'm not really with it just now, I think I'm a bit too tired. Hopefully I'll be back to normal service soon; in the meantime I'm going to go get transfixed by the moth that's just appeared.

Oooh, saw a heron in flight earlier. For what is quite a large bird, they are beautifully graceful.

see more crazy cat pics

I hate the Student Loans Company.

That is all.

Today's one of those non-days. I'm not feeling particularly happy, nor particularly sad. Apathy, I believe it's called. Maybe I need to sleep more. I feel a bit sleepy. Maybe I'll try lying down for a bit.

Right, so read this...

"Police revealed the 43-year-old woman was attacked on Thursday night between 2230 BST and 2300 BST as she walked near the new Victoria Infirmary.

She was approached by a man near Langside Road who attacked her then made off with her bag containing personal effects.

The woman was treated for minor injuries and was badly shaken as a result of the attack.

The suspect is described as white, 20 to 29 and of thin build.

He was wearing dark-coloured clothing and a dark baseball cap

Det Sgt Martyn Hopkins of Cathcart Police Office is appealing for information.

He said: "During the assault, several cars passed the woman and the suspect, and I would appeal to the occupants of these vehicles to come forward, as they may have information that is vital to this enquiry"."

It sounds like just about anything could have happened to this woman, before being robbed. Physically assaulted? Stabbed? No, this is my blog. If you read the entire thing on the BBC website, all that I have missed out are the headline "Witnesses sought after sex attack" and the bolded first line; "A woman has been raped and robbed in the Langside area of Glasgow."

What's with the reluctance to call it what it is? The rape appears to have lasted about half an hour, and evidently would be extremely traumatic for the woman. It wasn't just an assault. It wasn't sex, either. So why is the term 'rape' only used once in the entire thing?

So, I'll be away in a minute; I'm going to do my first listen-in session on the helpline. I'm looking forward to seeing the woman who'll actually be on the line, I really like her.

I have Horta by The Vulcan Freedom Fighters in my head. I was rooting about my own archives (oo-er!) and found the video that I posted. I'd forgotten the bit with the chickens at the end. Awesome tune too.

Linking to myself is threatening to give me a nosebleed...

As promised, a picture of my wellies. Well, one of them. The other one looks pretty much like a mirror image. It reminds me so strongly of the covers of a series of books I adored as a girl, The Worst Witch, which is why I wanted this specific design. I should still have those books in the attic, must look for them sometime...

Turns out I could've got some use of them today, after all. The view from my bedroom window, about 2 hours ago...

*sure beats the pants off Hogwart's, IMO...

I must be remembering the audio version of the show, with the "One eyepatch, two eyepatches" thing... oh well.

Bad: Avril Latrine's touring her new album. Most UK dates still have tickets, except Glasgow. Another date's been added, due to demand. For shame, for shame...

Good: This woman here...

Sia is awesome. No two ways about it. Her voice is amazing, even if the sound mixer guy did try to hide it under the keyboards. If I could sing like that... Anyway; if you get a chance to see her live, take it. You won't be disappointed. And she came across as just such a cool woman ("Keew-kee", according to the guy Lesley overheard; just in touch with the absurd, according to me.) and did I mention her voice? Stunning.

In other news, while wandering about Glasgow's trendy West End, droves of students eyeballed my tights (peacock blue/teal, matched with my purple dress). I got the sense that they weren't thinking the most complimentary things about me (as they are on the cutting edge of hip and trendy; many in fact have slipped around to the next part of the circle - if you know Eddie Izzard, you'll know what I mean... "One eyepatch? Cool. Two eyepatches?...") but meh. Once they've grown up, they'll learn about individuality and personal freedoms. Oddly enough, in the city centre this morning, not one person noticeably batted an eyelid at the emerald green tights.

Good weather is guaranteed for, ooh, the next 2 months; I bought my wellies. I will take a photo of them and post it soon, assuming Mum doesn't hack off her toes and steal the boots before then. And that's not quite such the outlandish prospect you might believe...

Swiped from Aquarius...

1. What time did you get up this morning? About 7am. Couldn't sleep. In a good way :)

2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds sparkle, but I'd be happier with a packet of glitter.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Er... Shrek the Third, I think!

4. What is your favourite TV show? I don't really have one anymore... Though I do wish I could get the Mary Whitehouse Experience and Never Mind The Buzzcocks on DVD.

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Coffee. Sometimes, cereal, but I've never been much of an eater in the mornings.

6. What is your middle name? The people that need to know, know.

7. What food do you dislike? Meat and cooked mushrooms.

8. What is your favourite CD at moment? Julie Ruin and Zeitgeist are going over well just now.

9. What kind of car do you drive? I don't; I'm becoming quite a militant pedestrian. People who park on pavements*, beware!

10. Favourite sandwich? Down, hormones, down! Roasted vegetables are often good, with humous or guacamole.

11. What characteristic do you despise? Bigotry.

12. Favourite item of clothing? Well, I haven't got a particular purple t-shirt yet, so I guess my black velvet skirt, that has a chiffon-y fishtail, that I got in the charity shop for £1.

13. If you could go anywhere in the world, on vacation, where would you go? Too much choice... Castle Urquhat, to start. Looking for atoms.

14. Favourite brand of clothing? Not any particular brand; just whatever I find and like 2nd hand!

15. Where would you retire to? My bed.

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? My last one, seeing as it was about 7 weeks ago, I didn't get that drunk, and I had a great time. Have I mentioned, I love my friends? Including the ones who weren't there.

17. Favourite sport to watch? Rugby, I suppose.

18. Furthest place you are sending this? Who knows?

19. Person you expect to send it back first? No idea!

20. When is your birthday? February 16th.

21. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night.

22. What is your shoe size? 6 or 7, depending on who made the shoes. Though I'm not above stuffing my feet into shoes that are slightly too small.

23. Pets? None, since Fred the hamster.

24. Most despised pet peeve? People who don't cover their mouth/nose when they cough or sneeze. Littering. The casual sexism of everyday standard speech. Women wearing the wrong size bra.

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? What if I'm not yet ready to share?

26. What did you want to be when you were little? I remember wanting to be an astronaut, amongst other things.

27. How are you today? Very good, thank you. And you?

28. What is your favourite candy? Peanut butter cups.

29. What is your favourite flower? Sunflowers. I think. Though all flowers are pretty.

30. What day on the calendar are you looking forward to most? I don't know which one it'll be, yet. Also, July 16th. (Leonard Cohen)

32. What is your full name? Ms. Depresso. Though my friends call me Feebs, occasionally.

33. What are you listening to right now? You And Yours, on the radio. I've some CDs to burn...

34. What was the last thing you ate? Leek and potato soup.

35. Do you wish on stars? I'll wish on just about anything.

36. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Royal purple.

37. How is the weather right now? Quite nice. Bright, but the cloud's building.

38. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Lesley-Anne. She both braw and smashing!

39. Favourite soft drink? Either apple and elderflower, or Irn Bru.

40. Favourite restaurant? Ichiban.

41. Hair colour? Dark brown. Out of a bottle. It'd be purple, if I could get away with it.

42. What was your favourite toy as a child? I cannot remember... Though I am very fond of Hello Kitty, going back to my childhood.

43. Summer or winter? They both have good qualities, though summer could be a bit longer than a fortnight...

44. Hugs or Kisses? Hugs from nearly anyone, kisses only from one person, thanks.

45. Chocolate or Vanilla? Oh, I don't really know...

46. Coffee or Tea? Coffee.

47. Do you want your friends to email you back? If I email then, yes. It's nice to get a reply.

48. The last time you cried? A little bit, while talking to the doctor a couple of days ago.

49. What is under your bed? Shoes, books and a Ross Noble DVD I've still yet to watch.

50. What did you do last night? Waited for emails, and wrote them.

51. What are you afraid of? Falling from a great height and not dying. And spiders.

52. Salty or Sweet? I vacillate between the two.

53. How many keys on your key ring? Two; front door, back door.

54. How many years at your current job? None; it's been about 8 weeks.

55. Favourite day of the week? I like them equally. End day discrimination!

56. How many towns have you lived in? 6. All in Scotland.

57. Do you make friends easily? Yes, somehow!

58. How many people will you send this to? By posting it in the blog, I have a feeling responses will come to me, really.

59. How many will respond? Oh, hundreds. How would I know?

Still funny, still an accurate description of women's glossies...

There's no words for this...

A woman killed, by the man who said he loved her, because she was having second thoughts about the relationship and wasn't wearing her engagement ring.

This is me, speechless. And sad, not angry.

From the Curvature...

A bill to ban abortion, except in cases of rape or incest. And would you look at the hoops a woman has to jump through to get an abortion, in the cases of rape or incest? What is it with these people that they just can't get that people respond to trauma in different ways? And if a woman makes a report of rape (that did happen) but there's insufficient evidence and there's doubts over the veracity of her claim? (Because, yunno, women are evil and will lie about rape all the damned time) Does she get an abortion, or forced to carry to term? Say, for example, there's a woman who is raped by her abusive husband. Will the right-wing pro-lifers listen to her? Or just bleat on about the sanctity of marriage and being a goodly wife and the sanctity of (the unborn) human life, and force her to continue the pregnancy?

I think, just maybe, the authors of this legislation might just be thinking about the mythical hordes of sexually active teenage girls who use abortion as contraception on a weekly basis...

Seeing as I'm kicking my heels somewhat ineffectually, and can't seem to keep my attention on anything for more than about 5 minutes at a time, which is making it difficult to play Warcraft, here's the photo of the cupcake I mentioned...

I didn't realise just how out-of-focus it is. And I've just this minute had a phone call to say that the job I was applying for is no longer available, so my application's now on hold for who knows how long!

While waiting at the doctor's surgery yesterday, I flipped though an old magazine. It's what you do while there. I think it was a copy of Eve, a glossy aimed at a slightly older demographic than, say Glamour or Cosmo. At my uneducated guess, it'll overlap more with Marie Claire, but still have an older median target. I didn't read too closely; I can get the usual 'improve your sex life to keep your man happy' and 'lose weight to stay sexy for your man' and 'how to dress to look slim and sexy (also for your man)' in any glossy magazine, regardless of target demographic. The one thing I did read was the column written by a man. Most women's publications have this now; I think the idea is to help you understand your man better, so you can better please him. The gist of his article was that he's a stay-at-home dad and doesn't understand why women seem to think he's some kind of saint. It was never an issue for him and his partner; he worked from home already. And now, he gets to spend time with his kids. He's "just a dad; like a mum but with stubble [ahem] and a tendency to take over with the Lego [shoves Lego set out of sight]." It was refreshing to read it, even if he can't entirely break away from preconceived gender ideas.

So. I slept in until just after 8am! It might not sound like much, but my alarm's been set to 5.30am. I'm sitting here blathering on about nothing much, in my nightie, instead of running around, hoping I don't miss the bus in 10 minutes. Still got the pain in my side, but I'll get out later and get that prescription filled. And look at books in the charity shop (Two Little Boys had gone when I last looked, bah) and maybe even get some ice cream on the way home. There's a café that does Italian-style ice cream (a major stumbling block for ethical changes to my diet) in some unusual flavours... And I feel like going out with my camera at some point, maybe if it gets a bit sunnier...

Solved the quandry. Went to the doctor. He requested a sample of urine, swirled a stick in it; will send it off to the lab. Thinks I might have an infection, or something's up with my appendix. Also, after performing the amazing feat of both nearly falling asleep and bursting into tears at the same time, he's signed me off work for a week. Except, I'm in such a good mood about some things, I'm not sure I can sleep quite yet... Anyway, my alarm clock is switched off, which had me sailing across the room with joy, which nearly landed me in traction; I've had no time to tidy the floor properly, so it's not the safest place to be leaping about like a lunatic.

More will follow, when I'm capable of getting my head under control (thoughts are racing about like mercury just now) but for now, another musical interlude. This time, Buttons by Sia...

I'm having a bit of a quandry, of a sort. All day so far, I've had a pain in my lower abdomen, on the right-hand side. It's a low, dull ache, and it's occasionally shooting down my leg so that I can feel it in my leg and ankle, as well as through to my back. I recall feeling this about a month ago, possibly the month before too. I'm not currently on any contraception. I think it might be an ovarian cyst, but I could well be wrong. No quandry, so far. Thing is, do I phone NHS24 and get advice from them? Or do I just go to my bed and hope that it passes (as it does every month)? I'd be willing to bet that any advice would include 'take paracetamol' which I just won't do. I've taken enough painkiller tablets to do me at least one lifetime, so no more, thanks. Or, should I go see my doctor anyway?

I have a terrible habit, inherited from my Mum, of minimising any pain or discomfort or illness. I'm not sure what qualifies me to go see the doctor, but whatever I have wrong with me isn't enough. My arm could be hanging off at a funny angle, turning blue, and I'd still question the need for an ambulance.

Bah. I'm going to go pass out on my bed for a bit, see where I am in a couple of hours. Maybe I'll ring the doctor tomorrow. Or NHS24. I may even entertain a thought or two about taking some ibuprofen.